Geesh...Religion..

[Armistead]

Originally Posted by CaptainHaplo

Having presided over a few of these and thus having had to deal with the "politics" of differing family desires, let me offer a suggestion if possible..

It is something very common around here. 2 services. One at either the church or funeral home chapel, the other graveside. If everyone is ok with 2 services - then the JW's can have one and the family can have one. The deceased's wishes are honored, and the family has a service that they can celebrate the life and memory of the deceased as well.

One other option is multiple services "indoors" as well.

My wife actually floated that idea and it almost worked. I think the oldest sister that is atheist dealt with a harder JW church, because the grandfather still ran it, by the time my wife was around 8 he died. The older sister states how badly the church treated her as a teen. She is not only an atheist, but truly hates any and all religion and faith. Anyway, my wife got the JW church to agree to do a small service for her mom next church, when her sister found out, she called the JW pastor and said she would be there and it had to be so and so. Anyway, the pastor told her they simply wouldn't hold any service. My wife called him and he did say that they would honor her in time and he would see the father next week and talk to him.

Anyway, the father too old and weak to fight the two sisters that are bound to have it their way and put on a big show for everyone. Lets hope it all runs smoothly for his sake....

[Buddahaid]

Originally Posted by Sailor Steve

It sounds to me like everybody is being selfish and demanding and everybody is wrong. I think Haplo has come up with the best compromise.

It seems that that still presents a problem which is sad for the father. The sisters are indeed proving Sky's point about funerals in a mean way. They should bury the hatchet long enough to bury mom. Hoping for the best.

[Father Goose]

Originally Posted by Armistead

Anyway, the father too old and weak to fight the two sisters that are bound to have it their way and put on a big show for everyone. Lets hope it all runs smoothly for his sake....

Is all this taking place in a ice storm?

[Armistead]

Originally Posted by Father Goose

Is all this taking place in a ice storm?

Suppose to hit tomorrow night....., but we don't start until 5.. Will be interesting, family doing service with a methodist female, but a fundy baptist the first prayer. Certainly, many of her JW friends will be there....then the big mouth atheist sister...One of the grandsons is a concert saxophonist, look forward to him, he's amazing...

I think once it's start and everyones there, hopefully religion will be put aside and maturity will win and we can celebrate her life.

[Jimbuna]

Always carry out the wishes of the deceased wherever possible.

Family conflicts can come at the most inappropriate times unfortunately.

[fireftr18]

Armistead, first, condolences on the loss.

The title you gave, I originally thought it was going to be some senseless rant against religion in general. Curiosity got the best of me and I read the post. I worked with many JW's and they are that way. Their belief system is so tight, that they honestly believe that their's is the only way. There is no room for discussion, nor admitting wrong. It's a shame that family members argued over how a funeral should be done. To me, the father should have had any all authority to make the decision. JW's church elders should not even have been there, then again, I have no respect for the JW church anyway. I'll add the family to my prayer list that they learn to get along better and all goes well for the services.

[BrucePartington]

First of all, my condolences.

Anything I thought about the conflict you described has already been said.
I thought about quoting the ones I liked best, but then realized I'd have to quote *all* previous posts
I'd think you have two options:
a) let them sort it out;
b) play Ambassador, try and mediate a compromise. The "two separate services" concept *should* please everyone. If anyone will not take it, then they do not deserve to be there, period

From personal experience, JWs perceive their members as actual family, more so than actual blood family, hence the "ferocity" shown trying to have the service their way. They consider their faith far more relevant than actual family ties. They do not allow life saving blood transfusions, so I imagine they scorn DNA ties.
And the atheist sister, I'm willing to bet the reason she's an atheist and fended the JWs off, is precisely because of knowing them so well. If I hadn't had a JW grandfather, I would probably be a Catholic today.

I know this first hand because of my early life.
Since and because my father died in 1968, I lived with my mother and maternal grandparents in their house.
My grandmother was a true Catholic, but, my grandfather, during my mother's teenage years, converted to JW.
Because my GM refused to join him in his new found faith, they immediately moved to separate bedrooms, such was my GF religious inflexibility, so typical of JW.

[d@rk51d3]

Condolences for your loss Arimstead. I'm sure it will all work out in the end. There's no reason why both parties can't "have their cake and eat it too", as highlighted in prevoius posts. The stresses felt by all probably exaggerate their emotions too, and make for tensions that wouldn't normally exist.

Thoughts and prayers with you and your family.

Originally Posted by Jimbuna

Family conflicts can come at the most inappropriate times unfortunately.

Sounds like Christmas, eh?

[swamprat69er]

I'm sorry for your loss.

[Armistead]

As hoped, the service went very well. My wife's nephew married the Methodist female minister, a Hatfield from W. Va, direct great great granddaughter of old Devil Anse himself. She was great, simply country girl, but so skilled with words...

We were able to plan with the JW's to do another memorial and not telling my wife's two sisters....

[d@rk51d3]

That's great news, and I'm sure it takes a load off.

Don't sweat it over the next service either. Despite all the online "artistic licence" you get with peoples "experiences" with JW's, most people come out pleasantly surprised when they find out it ain't the kook-fest they were expecting.

[Father Goose]

Originally Posted by Armistead

As hoped, the service went very well. My wife's nephew married the Methodist female minister, a Hatfield from W. Va, direct great great granddaughter of old Devil Anse himself. She was great, simply country girl, but so skilled with words...

I'm glad everything worked out.
The Methodist female minister...a good ol' Confederate gal. Can't beat that!

[Jimbuna]

Originally Posted by Armistead

As hoped, the service went very well. My wife's nephew married the Methodist female minister, a Hatfield from W. Va, direct great great granddaughter of old Devil Anse himself. She was great, simply country girl, but so skilled with words...

We were able to plan with the JW's to do another memorial and not telling my wife's two sisters....

Pleased it went well

[Armistead]

Originally Posted by Father Goose

I'm glad everything worked out.
The Methodist female minister...a good ol' Confederate gal. Can't beat that!

She was good, she did a story about how the world revolved around Grandmas
recliner every Sunday. Her grandmother inherited the Hatfield property that is the museum today, but you still have to walk to get to it. My wife's nephew that married her did a great job on the sax. Grandma bought him first one and got him into music.

[AVGWarhawk]

At the end of the day we are all naked before the Lord. Religion and faith. Two different things in my book. But, the husband has the ultimate say IMO. If his wife of some odd years wanted a JW service then that is what she should have received. Her husband to assure it was followed out. Just as he was her cover in life it does not stop there in death. For those that disagree can go to the movies instead.