Laws Of Life

[Jimbuna]

1. Law of Mechanical Repair - After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch and you'll have to pee.

2. Law of Gravity - Any tool, nut, bolt, screw, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.

3. Law of Probability -The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act

4. Law of Random Numbers - If you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal and someone always answers.

5. Law of the Alibi - If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the very next morning you will have a flat tire..

6. Variation Law - If you change lines (or traffic lanes), the one you were in will always move faster than the one you are in now (works every time).

7. Law of the Bath - When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone rings.

8. Law of Close Encounters -The probability of meeting someone you know increases dramatically when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with.

9. Law of the Result - When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, it will.

10. Law of Biomechanics - The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.

11.. Law of the Theater and Hockey Arena - At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle, always arrive last. They are the ones who will leave their seats several times to go for food, beer, or the toilet and who leave early before the end of the performance or the game is over. The folks in the aisle seats come early, never move once, have long gangly legs or big bellies, and stay to the bitter end of the performance.. The aisle people also are very surly folk.

12. The Coffee Law - As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.

13. Murphy's Law of Lockers - If there are only two people in a locker room, they will have adjacent lockers.

14. Law of Physical Surfaces - The chances of an open-faced jelly sandwich landing face down on a floor, are directly correlated to the newness and cost of the carpet or rug.

15... Law of Logical Argument - Anything is possible if you don't know what you are talking about.

16. Brown's Law of Physical Appearance - If the clothes fit, they're ugly.

17. Oliver's Law of Public Speaking - A closed mouth gathers no feet.

18. Wilson's Law of Commercial Marketing Strategy - As soon as you find a product that you really like, they will stop making it.

19. Doctors' Law - If you don't feel well, make an appointment to go to the doctor, by the time you get there you'll feel better. But don't make an appointment, and you'll stay sick.

[Osmium Steele]

First Law of Automechanics - Any object dropped while repairing your car will roll directly under the center of the vehicle.

[Jimbuna]

14. Law of Physical Surfaces - Toast always lands buttered side downwards

[Sailor Steve]

Murphy's Law of Grocery Store Lines (a variation of law #6 - The Variation Law):

1. The line you are in is always the slowest.

2. Changing lines will cause the one you were in to speed up and the one you entered to slow down.

3. Changing back will cause both lines to stop and everyone to get mad at you.




Murphy's law of Design: The purpose of the design engineer is to make things difficult for the manufacturer and impossible for the assembler.

Murphy's law of Milk and Business Management: The cream rises to the top. Unfortunately so does the scum.

1. Whatever can go wrong will go wrong (of course everybody knows that one).

2. And at the worst possible time.

3. If something that could go wrong doesn't, it will ultimately turn out that it would have been better if it had gone wrong.

4. If something can't go wrong, it still will.

5. If Murphy's Law can go wrong, it will. The best example of this is the Rain Law: Murphy's law says if you wash your car it will rain. Law #5 is based on the rule that if you wash your car to make it rain, it won't work.

[Osmium Steele]

Originally Posted by Sailor Steve

The best example of this is the Rain Law: Murphy's law says if you wash your car it will rain. Law #5 is based on the rule that if you wash your car to make it rain, it won't work.

And, if you wash your car during a rainstorm, Murphy strangles a kitten.

[Sailor Steve]

Originally Posted by Osmium Steele

And, if you wash your car during a rainstorm, Murphy strangles a kitten.

Nah, you just get wet. And the car stays dirty, and must be rewashed later, which will make it rain again.

[papa_smurf]

Clamp with adjustable spanner then beat repeatedly with hammer.

Law of Jeremy Clarkson: Use a hammer for any mechanical situation.

[Jimbuna]

Mechanical Engineers Law: If in doubt...give it a clout.

[Sailor Steve]

Carpenter's Law: Bend to shape, pound to fit.

[Betonov]

Fire-warning law (coined today): if a fire is smoldering in the adjancted workshop, a fuse of the machine will go out and you will instantly blame the smell on the overheated machine, ignoring the obvius danger on the other side of the wall

[TarJak]

Law of Loss: Any item or tool you need immediately to complete a job will remain lost until after you have purchased a replacement, at which time the original item will be found.

Originally Posted by Sailor Steve

Carpenter's Law: Bend to shape, pound to fit.

Now that is just WRONG!!

No REAL Carpenter would EVER do that!

[Sailor Steve]

Methinks he doth protest too much.