The inventor of the Harley-Davidson motorcycle, died and went to heaven...

[Jimbuna]

Race with a Harley

I raced a Harley today and after some really hard riding I managed
to PASS the guy. I was riding on one of those really, really
twisting sections of mountain road with no straight sections to
speak of and where most of the bends have warning signs that
say "MAX SPEED 50 KPH".

I knew if I was going to pass one of those monsters with those
big-cubic-inch motors, it would have to be a place like this where
handling and rider skill are more important than horsepower alone.

I saw the guy up ahead as I exited one of the turns and knew I could
catch him, but it wouldn't be easy. I concentrated on my braking and
cornering. Three corners later, I was on his mudguard. Catching him
was one thing; passing him would prove to be another.

Two corners later, I pulled up next to him as we sailed down the
mountain. I think he was shocked to see me next to him, as I nearly
got by him before he could recover. Next corner, same thing. I'd
manage to pull up next to him as we started to enter the corners but
when we came out he'd get on the throttle and out-power me. His
horsepower was almost too much to overcome, but this only made me
more determined than ever.

My only hope was to out-brake him. I held off squeezing the lever
until the last instant. I kept my nerve while he lost his. In an
instant I was by him. Corner after corner, I could hear the roar of
his engine as he struggled to keep up. Three more miles to go before
the road straightens out and he would pass me for good.

But now I was in the lead and he would no longer hold me back. I
stretched out my lead and by the time we reached the bottom of the
canyon, he was more than a full corner behind. I could no longer see
him in my rear-view mirror.

Once the road did straighten out, it seemed like it took miles
before he passed me, but it was probably just a few hundred yards. I
was no match for that kind of horsepower, but it was done. In the
tightest section of road, where bravery and skill count for more
than horsepower and deep pockets, I had passed him. Though it was
not easy, I had won the race to the bottom of the mountain and I had
preserved the proud tradition of one of the best bits of Brit iron.

I will always remember that moment. I don't think I've ever pedaled
so hard in my life. And, some of the credit must go to Raleigh
cycles, as well. They really make a great bicycle...:p

[mcf1]

These are supposed to be true stories

-A chauffeur worked for a woman who took her cat with her on rides.

During one trip, the driver droped her at a mall before he gasing up. The cat remained in the car, laying down on the top of the limousine's back seat.

The service station's attendant often glanced at unusual passenger. Finally, he asked: "Sir, is that cat someone important?"

-Shortly after the 911 emergency number became available, an elderly and quite ill lady appeared in a Rochester hospital emergency room, having driven herself to the hospital and barely managing to stagger in from the parking lot. The horrified nurse said, 'Why didn't you call the 911 number and get an ambulance?'

The lady said, 'My phone doesn't have an eleven.'

[SUBMAN1]

A Greek and an Irishman were sitting in a Starbuck's cafe one day
discussing who had the superior culture.
Over triple lattes the Greek guy says, 'Well, we Greeks built the
Parthenon,' arching his eyebrows.
The Irishman then replies, 'Well... it was the Irish that discovered the
Summer and Winter Solstices..'
The Greek retorts, 'We Greeks gave birth to advanced mathematics.'
The Irishman, nodding in agreement, says, 'Irish were the ones who built
the first timepieces and calendars.'
And so on until the Greek comes up with what he thinks will end the
discussion. With a flourish of finality he says, 'The Greeks were the ones
who invented sex!'

The Irishman replies, 'Indeed, that is true, but it was we Irish who
introduced it to women.'

[Sailor Steve]

Originally Posted by FIREWALL

Your Right Something got lost in the translation. :rotfl:

I understood it just fine. Of course statistically women are actually better drivers than me.

[Jimbuna]

Originally Posted by SUBMAN1

A Greek and an Irishman were sitting in a Starbuck's cafe one day
discussing who had the superior culture.
Over triple lattes the Greek guy says, 'Well, we Greeks built the
Parthenon,' arching his eyebrows.
The Irishman then replies, 'Well... it was the Irish that discovered the
Summer and Winter Solstices..'
The Greek retorts, 'We Greeks gave birth to advanced mathematics.'
The Irishman, nodding in agreement, says, 'Irish were the ones who built
the first timepieces and calendars.'
And so on until the Greek comes up with what he thinks will end the
discussion. With a flourish of finality he says, 'The Greeks were the ones
who invented sex!'

The Irishman replies, 'Indeed, that is true, but it was we Irish who
introduced it to women.'

LMAO :rotfl:

[mcf1]

Originally Posted by SUBMAN1

A Greek and an Irishman were sitting in a Starbuck's cafe one day
discussing who had the superior culture.
Over triple lattes the Greek guy says, 'Well, we Greeks built the
Parthenon,' arching his eyebrows.
The Irishman then replies, 'Well... it was the Irish that discovered the
Summer and Winter Solstices..'
The Greek retorts, 'We Greeks gave birth to advanced mathematics.'
The Irishman, nodding in agreement, says, 'Irish were the ones who built
the first timepieces and calendars.'
And so on until the Greek comes up with what he thinks will end the
discussion. With a flourish of finality he says, 'The Greeks were the ones
who invented sex!'

The Irishman replies, 'Indeed, that is true, but it was we Irish who
introduced it to women.'

[d@rk51d3]

Originally Posted by mcf1

I got another one, I heard it in Greek, so the translation may not sound funny.

What have potatoes and women drivers in common?

You can find them both in the fields

:rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl:

I like it.

[mcf1]

A translated version of a joke, I read in Greek

A Greek was eating his dinner in a restaurant, when a foreign tourist chewing a gum comes in and sits next to him, the Greek ignored him and the tourist disappointed started this convertation:
Tourist: You Greeks, eat the whole bread?
Greek: Of course
Tourist: We don't, we eat only the inside, the outside we recycle it to a Croissant and sell
it to you Greeks
(the Greek still ignores him)

Tourist: You Greeks eat jelly?
Greek: Yes
Tourist: We don't, we eat fresh fruit and the remains of them, we recycle to jelly and
sell it to you.

And this time the Greek asks him.
Greek: What do you do with condoms after you used them?
Tourist: We throw them away of course.
Greek: We don't, we recycle them into chewing gums and sell them to you

[Sailor Steve]

Oooh, low blow!:rotfl:

[Sailor Steve]

Something just posted on another thread reminded me of this old gem:

Guy is walking along the beach in California when he sees something shining in the sand. He picks it up and finds out it's an old-fashioned oil lamp. When he tries to rub the sand off it starts to glow, and then a genie pops out. The genie thanks him for releasing him from the lamp, and offers to grant him a wish.

"I've always wanted to go to Hawaii, but never could afford it. I'd like a bridge from here to there so I can drive anytime I want to."

"A bridge all the way to Hawaii? You have got to be kidding! Do you realize how much engineering that would take? There's no way I'm doing that! Think of something else."

The man thinks for a minute and says "I want to understand women."

The genie stares at him for a minute and then says "How many lanes do you want on that bridge?"

[Jimbuna]

On a farm lived a chicken and a horse, both of whom loved to play together.

One day, the two were playing when the horse fell into a bog and began to sink.

Scared for his life, the horse whinnied for the chicken to go get the farmer for help!

Off the chicken ran, back to the farm.

Arriving at the farm, he searched and searched for the farmer, but to no avail, for he had gone to town with the only tractor.

Running around, the chicken spied the farmer's new Harley. Finding the keys in the ignition, the chicken sped off with a length of rope hoping he still had time to save his friend's life.

Back at the bog, the horse was surprised, but happy, to see the chicken arrive on the shiny Harley, and he managed to get a hold of the loop of rope the chicken tossed to him.

After tying the other end to the rear bumper of the farmer's bike, the chicken then drove slowly forward and, with the aid of the bike, rescued the horse!

Happy and proud, the chicken rode the Harley back to the farmhouse, and the farmer was none the wiser when he returned.

The friendship between the two animals was cemented: best buddies, best pals. A few weeks later, the chicken fell into a mud pit, and soon, he too, began to sink and cried out to the horse to save his life!

The horse thought a moment, walked over, and straddled the large puddle.

Looking underneath, he told the chicken to grab his d*ck and he would then lift him out of the pit. The chicken got a good grip, and the horse pulled him up and out, saving his life.

The moral of the story? (Yes, there's a moral): "When you're hung like a horse, you don't need a Harley to pick up chicks

[mcf1]

:rotfl: :rotfl: to Sailor Steve and jimbuna :rotfl: :rotfl:
Here's one

A man walks into the front door of a bar. He is obviously drunk. he staggers up to the bar, seats himself on a stool, and with a belch, asks the bartender for a drink.

The bartender politely informs the man that it appears that he has already had plenty to drink--he could not be served additional liquor at this bar but could get a cab called for him.

The drunk is briefly surprised then softly scoffs, grumbles, climbs down off the bar stool, and staggers out the front door.

A few minutes later, the same drunk stumbles in the side door of the bar. He wobbles up to the bar and hollers for a drink. The bartender comes over, and still politely--but more firmly refuses service to the man due to his inebriation. Again, the bartender offers to call a cab for him.

The drunk looks at the bartender for a moment angrily, curses, and shows himself out the side door, all the while grumbling and shaking his head.

A few minutes later, the same drunk bursts in through the back door of the bar. He plops himself up on a bar stool, gathers his wits, and belligerently orders a drink.

The bartender comes over and emphatically reminds the man that he is clearly drunk, will be served no drinks, and either a cab or the police will be called immediately.

The surprised drunk looks at the bartender and in hopeless anguish, cries "Man! How many bars do you work at?"

[Jimbuna]

Q: Why are Harley's some of the safest bikes on the road?
A: You can't go fast enough to hurt yourself....


These two trailer-trash women were talking to each other, and one asked "How is your husband doing?" and the other said "I think he is dead." So the first one asked "What do you mean. . . you think?" so the second replied "Well, the sex is the same but he hasn't worked on the Harley in over a week!"


Q-What is the most common accessory for Harleys'?
A- A pick-up truck.

[Schroeder]

A man does a vacation with his entire family to Israel to see the places where Jesus lived.
While being there his mother in law dies so he contacts a local undertaker.
The undertaker offers him two ways to bury his mother in law. Either send her back home for 10,000$ or bury her right in Israel for just 500$.
The man thinks for a minute and then he says to the undertaker that he should send her back home.
The undertaker asks whether he is sure about that because of the high costs.
The man replies: "Hey, 2000 years ago there was a man buried here who stood up and walked away three days later. I'm not going to take any chances!"

[Jimbuna]

A Harley rider is riding down a deserted stretch of highway when he notices a sign out of the comer of his eye..It reads:

SISTERS OF ST. FRANCIS
HOUSE OF PROSTITUTION 10 MILES

He thinks it was a figment of his imagination and rides on without a second thought...Soon he sees another sign, which says:

SISTERS OF ST. FRANCIS
HOUSE OF PROSTITUTION 5 MILES
GAS STOP 5 MILES

Suddenly, he realizes that these signs are for real...Then he rides past a third sign saying:

SISTERS OF ST.FRANCIS
HOUSE OF PROSTITUTION NEXT RIGHT

His instinct gets the best of him and he pulls into the drive....On the far side of the parking lot is a stone building with a small sign next to the door reading:

SISTERS OF ST. FRANCIS

He locks his bike, climbs the steps and rings the bell....The door is answered by a nun in a long black habit who asks, "What may we do for you, my son?"....
He answers, "I saw your signs along the highway, and was interested in possibly doing business."....
"Very well, my son. Please follow me," ....
He is led through many winding passages and is soon quite disoriented....The nun stops at a closed door and tells the man, "Please knock on this door"....
He does as he is told and another nun in a long habit, holding a tin cup answers the door.....This nun instructs, "Please place $100 in the cup, then go through the large wooden door at the end of this hallway"....
He gets $100 out of his wallet and places it in the second nuns cup...He trots eagerly down the hall and slips through the door, pulling it shut behind him.....As the door locks behind him, he finds himself back in the parking lot, facing another small sign:
GO IN PEACE.
YOU HAVE JUST BEEN SCREWED
BY THE SISTERS OF ST. FRANCIS.
SERVES YOU RIGHT, YOU SINNER.
THE NEXT GAS STOP IS 10 MILES
THE OTHER WAY.