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05-04-21, 01:44 PM | #2956 |
Village Idiot
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Our Emergency Room Doctor has an unusual Hobby.
He is a Stand up comedian. Every time I visit him he leaves me in stitches. |
05-04-21, 09:46 PM | #2957 |
Rear Admiral
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An 85-year-old man was told by the Doctor that he needed a sperm count as part of his physical exam.
The doctor gave the man a jar and said, "Take this jar home and bring back a sperm sample tomorrow." The next day the 85-year-old man reappeared at the doctor's office and gave him the jar, which was as clean and empty as on the previous day. The doctor asked what happened and the man explained, "Well, doc, it's like this first I tried with my right hand, but nothing. Then I tried with my left hand, but still nothing. 'Then I asked my wife for help. She tried with her right hand, the with her left, still nothing. She tried with her mouth, first with the teeth in, then with her teeth out, still nothing. "We even called up Arleen, the lady next door and she tried too, first with both hands, then an armpit, and she even tried squeezin' it between her knees, but still nothing." The doctor was shocked! “You asked your neighbor?" The old man replied, "Yep, none of us could get the jar open."
__________________
You see my dog don't like people laughing. He gets the crazy idea you're laughing at him. Now if you apologize like I know you're going to, I might convince him that you really didn't mean it. |
05-05-21, 10:39 AM | #2958 |
Chief of the Boat
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You don't need a parachute to go skydiving.
You need a parachute to go skydiving twice.
__________________
Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something.
Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim) |
05-05-21, 10:40 AM | #2959 |
Chief of the Boat
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Parallel lines have so much in common.
It's a shame they'll never meet.
__________________
Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something.
Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim) |
05-05-21, 06:10 PM | #2960 |
Fastest Gun Around
Join Date: Aug 2019
Location: Agua Fira, New Mexico
Posts: 2,367
Downloads: 527
Uploads: 5
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How do you confuse someone?
Paint yourself green and throw forks at them.
__________________
There are no secrets to success. It is the result of preparation, hard work, and learning from failure. — Colin Powell I'm not very active on the forums anymore. If you have a question, please DM me and I'll respond ASAP! |
05-05-21, 06:36 PM | #2961 |
Fleet Admiral
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The local sporting goods store had a huge sale on canoe accessories
It was quite the oar-deal
__________________
abusus non tollit usum - A right should NOT be withheld from people on the basis that some tend to abuse that right. |
05-05-21, 09:04 PM | #2962 |
Fastest Gun Around
Join Date: Aug 2019
Location: Agua Fira, New Mexico
Posts: 2,367
Downloads: 527
Uploads: 5
|
What's yellow and is something you shouldn't drink?
A school bus.
__________________
There are no secrets to success. It is the result of preparation, hard work, and learning from failure. — Colin Powell I'm not very active on the forums anymore. If you have a question, please DM me and I'll respond ASAP! |
05-06-21, 03:46 AM | #2963 |
Dipped Squirrel Operative
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^ In Germany, all postal things were yellow, from letter boxes to buses etc..
From 1980ies: What's yellow and is something you shouldn't drink? A What is yellow and hops through the forest? The post frog. What is yellow and sinks? The post ship.
__________________
>^..^<*)))>{ All generalizations are wrong. |
05-06-21, 03:54 AM | #2964 |
Dipped Squirrel Operative
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Two U-boats meet in a forest.
Says the one "So?" Says the other "So what?"
__________________
>^..^<*)))>{ All generalizations are wrong. |
05-06-21, 11:29 AM | #2965 |
Chief of the Boat
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Someone stole my mood ring, I don't know how I feel about that.
__________________
Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something.
Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim) |
05-06-21, 11:30 AM | #2966 |
Chief of the Boat
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My grandfather has the heart of a lion.....and a lifetime ban at the zoo.
__________________
Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something.
Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim) |
05-07-21, 02:03 AM | #2967 |
Dipped Squirrel Operative
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""Why did you knock on the fridge?"
"Because there could be a salad dressing."
__________________
>^..^<*)))>{ All generalizations are wrong. |
05-07-21, 04:26 AM | #2968 |
Dipped Squirrel Operative
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So you say Mexico is only sending drug dealers and rapists.
But you worry they will take your jobs. What exactly do you do for a living?
__________________
>^..^<*)))>{ All generalizations are wrong. |
05-07-21, 12:41 PM | #2969 |
Chief of the Boat
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Women only call me ugly until they find out how much money I make.
Then they call me ugly and poor.
__________________
Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something.
Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim) |
05-07-21, 12:42 PM | #2970 |
Chief of the Boat
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You're not completely useless, you can always serve as a bad example.
__________________
Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something.
Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim) |
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