The joke thread II - Page 189

Jimbuna · 03-09-21, 07:29 AM

Our cat, Figaro, comes home between 10 or 11 at night to eat. If he's late, I turn on the carport light and call him until he appears.

One day my daughter was explaining to a friend where we live, and her friend said, "Is that anywhere near the house where the woman stands on her steps late at night and sings opera?"

Jimbuna · 03-09-21, 07:30 AM

My brother adopted a snake named Slinky, whose most disagreeable trait was eating live mice. Once I was pressed into going to the pet store to buy Slinky's dinner.

The worst part of this wasn't choosing the juiciest-looking creatures or turning down the clerk who wanted to sell me vitamins to ensure their longevity. The hardest part was carrying the poor things out in a box bearing the words "Thank you for giving me a home."

Catfish · 03-10-21, 06:04 AM

Mr and Mrs Churchill walked through London, greeting and being greeted by people they met. A street sweeper only greets Mrs Churchill, and they both talk intimately for a short time.
After a while Churchill asks his wife whether and how she knew that man, and his wife respnded "Ah you know he was once in love with me".
Churchill smiled and said "See, if you had married him you would now be the wife of a street sweeper!"
And she spoke the legendary words "But no darling, if i had married him he would now be prime minister."

Jimbuna · 03-10-21, 08:30 AM

What do you call a droid that takes the long way around?

R2 detour.

Jimbuna · 03-10-21, 08:33 AM

What’s worse than finding a worm in your apple?

Finding half a worm.

Jimbuna · 03-11-21, 01:46 PM

What do you get when you cross a centipede with a parrot?

A walkie talkie.

Jimbuna · 03-11-21, 01:47 PM

Why are robots never afraid?

They have nerves of steel.

Jimbuna · 03-13-21, 01:04 PM

What do you get if you cross a pie and a snake?

A pie-thon.

Jimbuna · 03-13-21, 01:06 PM

Can February March?

No, but April May.

Jimbuna · 03-15-21, 06:54 AM

What did the science book say to the math book?

Wow, you've got problems.

Jimbuna · 03-15-21, 06:55 AM

What has four wheels and flies?

A garbage truck!

Catfish · 03-16-21, 04:10 AM

Give a man a flying ticket and he'll fly for a day.

Push a man from a plane and he'll fly for the rest of his life.

Jimbuna · 03-16-21, 02:21 PM

What do you call two monkeys that share an Amazon account?

Primemates!

Jimbuna · 03-16-21, 02:21 PM

What do you call a nun who sleepwalks?

A roamin' Catholic.

Jeff-Groves · 03-16-21, 02:23 PM

How did NASCAR get it's name?
A group of Good Ol' Boys were racing cars around when one of them said
"That right there be a nas car Buddy!"

03-09-21, 07:29 AM	#2821
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 184,161 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	Our cat, Figaro, comes home between 10 or 11 at night to eat. If he's late, I turn on the carport light and call him until he appears. One day my daughter was explaining to a friend where we live, and her friend said, "Is that anywhere near the house where the woman stands on her steps late at night and sings opera?" __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

03-09-21, 07:30 AM	#2822
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 184,161 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	My brother adopted a snake named Slinky, whose most disagreeable trait was eating live mice. Once I was pressed into going to the pet store to buy Slinky's dinner. The worst part of this wasn't choosing the juiciest-looking creatures or turning down the clerk who wanted to sell me vitamins to ensure their longevity. The hardest part was carrying the poor things out in a box bearing the words "Thank you for giving me a home." __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

03-10-21, 06:04 AM	#2823
Catfish Dipped Squirrel Operative Join Date: Sep 2001 Location: ..where the ocean meets the sky Posts: 16,947 Downloads: 38 Uploads: 0	Mr and Mrs Churchill walked through London, greeting and being greeted by people they met. A street sweeper only greets Mrs Churchill, and they both talk intimately for a short time. After a while Churchill asks his wife whether and how she knew that man, and his wife respnded "Ah you know he was once in love with me". Churchill smiled and said "See, if you had married him you would now be the wife of a street sweeper!" And she spoke the legendary words "But no darling, if i had married him he would now be prime minister." __________________ >^..^<*)))>{ All generalizations are wrong.

03-10-21, 08:30 AM	#2824
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 184,161 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	What do you call a droid that takes the long way around? R2 detour. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

03-10-21, 08:33 AM	#2825
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 184,161 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	What’s worse than finding a worm in your apple? Finding half a worm. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

03-11-21, 01:46 PM	#2826
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 184,161 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	What do you get when you cross a centipede with a parrot? A walkie talkie. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

03-11-21, 01:47 PM	#2827
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 184,161 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	Why are robots never afraid? They have nerves of steel. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

03-13-21, 01:04 PM	#2828
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 184,161 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	What do you get if you cross a pie and a snake? A pie-thon. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

03-13-21, 01:06 PM	#2829
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 184,161 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	Can February March? No, but April May. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

03-15-21, 06:54 AM	#2830
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 184,161 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	What did the science book say to the math book? Wow, you've got problems. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

03-15-21, 06:55 AM	#2831
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 184,161 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	What has four wheels and flies? A garbage truck! __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

03-16-21, 04:10 AM	#2832
Catfish Dipped Squirrel Operative Join Date: Sep 2001 Location: ..where the ocean meets the sky Posts: 16,947 Downloads: 38 Uploads: 0	Give a man a flying ticket and he'll fly for a day. Push a man from a plane and he'll fly for the rest of his life. __________________ >^..^<*)))>{ All generalizations are wrong.

03-16-21, 02:21 PM	#2833
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 184,161 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	What do you call two monkeys that share an Amazon account? Primemates! __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

03-16-21, 02:21 PM	#2834
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 184,161 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	What do you call a nun who sleepwalks? A roamin' Catholic. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

03-16-21, 02:23 PM	#2835
Jeff-Groves Village Idiot Join Date: Sep 2014 Posts: 5,422 Downloads: 131 Uploads: 0	How did NASCAR get it's name? A group of Good Ol' Boys were racing cars around when one of them said "That right there be a nas car Buddy!"