The joke thread II - Page 174

Jimbuna · 12-21-20, 01:04 PM

A man is sitting in a cafe. A blonde waitress approaches and asks for his order. “I’d like a cup of coffee, please, with no cream," he says. The blonde waitress replies, “I’m sorry, sir, but we’re out of cream. How about with no milk?”

Jimbuna · 12-22-20, 09:19 AM

A skeleton walks into a bar and orders a beer and a mop. The blonde bartender doesn't get it.

Jimbuna · 12-22-20, 09:24 AM

Two blondes were traveling to Disneyland, the sign said "Disneyland left" so they started crying and headed home.

Jimbuna · 12-23-20, 09:19 AM

Three men are all working on building a house. They go up to the roof for lunch, and unwrapped their sandwiches. The Brunette says "if I get one more Tuna sandwich, I'm going to jump off this roof and kill myself. The black haired one says "if I get one more pickle and lettuce sandwich, I, too, am going to jump off this roof and kill myself. The blonde looks at his sandwich and also declares, "if I get one more peanut butter and jelly sandwich, I'm going to jump off this roof and kill myself." The next day, they all get the same sandwiches and kill themselves. That night, their wives all meet up and mourn. "If I had known that my husband was going to kill himself over a sandwich, I wouldn't have given it to him." The brunette cries. "Same," the raven head replies. They both look at the blonde. "Don't look at me, he packed his own lunch!"

Jimbuna · 12-23-20, 09:21 AM

A young blonde fears her husband is having an affair. She goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she finds him in bed with a redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps off the bed and starts begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself. Hysterically, the blonde responds to the husband: "Shut up, you're next."

Platapus · 12-23-20, 09:52 AM

Generally blondes are women and blonds are men

Jimbuna · 12-23-20, 12:52 PM

Did you hear the one about the astronaut who stepped in gum? A. He got stuck in Orbit.

Jimbuna · 12-24-20, 06:37 AM

A child asked his father, "How were people born?" So his father said, "Adam and Eve made babies, then their babies became adults and made babies, and so on." The child then went to his mother, asked her the same question and she told him, "We were monkeys then we evolved to become like we are now." The child ran back to his father and said, "You lied to me!" His father replied, "No, your mom was talking about her side of the family."

Jimbuna · 12-24-20, 06:38 AM

Teacher: "If I gave you 2 cats and another 2 cats and another 2, how many would you have?"
Johnny: "Seven."
Teacher: "No, listen carefully... If I gave you two cats, and another two cats and another two, how many would you have?"
Johnny: "Seven."
Teacher: "Let me put it to you differently. If I gave you two apples, and another two apples and another two, how many would you have?"
Johnny: "Six."
Teacher: "Good. Now if I gave you two cats, and another two cats and another two, how many would you have?"
Johnny: "Seven!"
Teacher: "Johnny, where in the heck do you get seven from?!"
Johnny: "Because I've already got a freaking cat!"

Platapus · 12-26-20, 06:10 AM

Not to brag, but I already have a date for New Year’s Eve.

It’s December 31st.

Platapus · 12-26-20, 06:11 AM

I love when they drop the ball in Times Square ...

... It's a nice reminder of what I did all year.

Jimbuna · 12-26-20, 08:32 AM

A boy asks his father, "Dad, are bugs good to eat?" "That's disgusting. Don't talk about things like that over dinner," the dad replies. After dinner the father asks, "Now, son, what did you want to ask me?" "Oh, nothing," the boy says. "There was a bug in your soup, but now it’s gone."

Jimbuna · 12-26-20, 08:33 AM

A bus full of ugly people had a head on collision with a truck. When they died, God granted all of them one wish. The first person said, "I want to be gorgeous." God snapped his fingers and it happened. The second person said the same thing and God did the same thing. This want on and on throughout the group. God noticed the last man in line was laughing hysterically. By the time God got to the last ten people, the last man was laughing and rolling on the ground. When the man's turn came, he laughed and said, "I wish they were all ugly again."

Jeff-Groves · 12-26-20, 08:41 PM

In 20 years when my Grand kids ask about the toilet paper shortage of 2020?
I'm telling them We had to drag our butts across the lawn.
In the snow.
Uphill. Both ways.
Dodging Murder Hornets!

Buddahaid · 12-26-20, 08:47 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jeff-Groves

In 20 years when my Grand kids ask about the toilet paper shortage of 2020?
I'm telling them We had to drag our butts across the lawn.
In the snow.
Uphill. Both ways.
Dodging Murder Hornets!

Harrumph!

12-21-20, 01:04 PM	#2596
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,691 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	A man is sitting in a cafe. A blonde waitress approaches and asks for his order. “I’d like a cup of coffee, please, with no cream," he says. The blonde waitress replies, “I’m sorry, sir, but we’re out of cream. How about with no milk?” __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

12-22-20, 09:19 AM	#2597
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,691 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	A skeleton walks into a bar and orders a beer and a mop. The blonde bartender doesn't get it. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

12-22-20, 09:24 AM	#2598
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,691 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	Two blondes were traveling to Disneyland, the sign said "Disneyland left" so they started crying and headed home. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

12-23-20, 09:19 AM	#2599
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,691 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	Three men are all working on building a house. They go up to the roof for lunch, and unwrapped their sandwiches. The Brunette says "if I get one more Tuna sandwich, I'm going to jump off this roof and kill myself. The black haired one says "if I get one more pickle and lettuce sandwich, I, too, am going to jump off this roof and kill myself. The blonde looks at his sandwich and also declares, "if I get one more peanut butter and jelly sandwich, I'm going to jump off this roof and kill myself." The next day, they all get the same sandwiches and kill themselves. That night, their wives all meet up and mourn. "If I had known that my husband was going to kill himself over a sandwich, I wouldn't have given it to him." The brunette cries. "Same," the raven head replies. They both look at the blonde. "Don't look at me, he packed his own lunch!" __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

12-23-20, 09:21 AM	#2600
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,691 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	A young blonde fears her husband is having an affair. She goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she finds him in bed with a redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps off the bed and starts begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself. Hysterically, the blonde responds to the husband: "Shut up, you're next." __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

12-23-20, 09:52 AM	#2601
Platapus Fleet Admiral Join Date: Oct 2006 Posts: 18,995 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 0	Generally blondes are women and blonds are men __________________ abusus non tollit usum - A right should NOT be withheld from people on the basis that some tend to abuse that right.

12-23-20, 12:52 PM	#2602
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,691 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	Did you hear the one about the astronaut who stepped in gum? A. He got stuck in Orbit. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

12-24-20, 06:37 AM	#2603
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,691 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	A child asked his father, "How were people born?" So his father said, "Adam and Eve made babies, then their babies became adults and made babies, and so on." The child then went to his mother, asked her the same question and she told him, "We were monkeys then we evolved to become like we are now." The child ran back to his father and said, "You lied to me!" His father replied, "No, your mom was talking about her side of the family." __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

12-24-20, 06:38 AM	#2604
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,691 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	Teacher: "If I gave you 2 cats and another 2 cats and another 2, how many would you have?" Johnny: "Seven." Teacher: "No, listen carefully... If I gave you two cats, and another two cats and another two, how many would you have?" Johnny: "Seven." Teacher: "Let me put it to you differently. If I gave you two apples, and another two apples and another two, how many would you have?" Johnny: "Six." Teacher: "Good. Now if I gave you two cats, and another two cats and another two, how many would you have?" Johnny: "Seven!" Teacher: "Johnny, where in the heck do you get seven from?!" Johnny: "Because I've already got a freaking cat!" __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

12-26-20, 06:10 AM	#2605
Platapus Fleet Admiral Join Date: Oct 2006 Posts: 18,995 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 0	Not to brag, but I already have a date for New Year’s Eve. It’s December 31st. __________________ abusus non tollit usum - A right should NOT be withheld from people on the basis that some tend to abuse that right.

12-26-20, 06:11 AM	#2606
Platapus Fleet Admiral Join Date: Oct 2006 Posts: 18,995 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 0	I love when they drop the ball in Times Square ... ... It's a nice reminder of what I did all year. __________________ abusus non tollit usum - A right should NOT be withheld from people on the basis that some tend to abuse that right.

12-26-20, 08:32 AM	#2607
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,691 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	A boy asks his father, "Dad, are bugs good to eat?" "That's disgusting. Don't talk about things like that over dinner," the dad replies. After dinner the father asks, "Now, son, what did you want to ask me?" "Oh, nothing," the boy says. "There was a bug in your soup, but now it’s gone." __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

12-26-20, 08:33 AM	#2608
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,691 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	A bus full of ugly people had a head on collision with a truck. When they died, God granted all of them one wish. The first person said, "I want to be gorgeous." God snapped his fingers and it happened. The second person said the same thing and God did the same thing. This want on and on throughout the group. God noticed the last man in line was laughing hysterically. By the time God got to the last ten people, the last man was laughing and rolling on the ground. When the man's turn came, he laughed and said, "I wish they were all ugly again." __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

12-26-20, 08:41 PM	#2609
Jeff-Groves Village Idiot Join Date: Sep 2014 Posts: 5,397 Downloads: 131 Uploads: 0	In 20 years when my Grand kids ask about the toilet paper shortage of 2020? I'm telling them We had to drag our butts across the lawn. In the snow. Uphill. Both ways. Dodging Murder Hornets!