The joke thread II

[Jimbuna]

A blonde drove to the shopping mall and found a parking spot which had a sign that read "1 Hour Only," but she wanted 2 hours to shop so she parked across 2 spaces.

[Jimbuna]

Did you hear about the blondes that froze to death at a drive-in movie theater? They went to see "Closed for the Winter."

[Jimbuna]

A blonde lady was stuck in a snowstorm when she remembered her dad's advice: "If you ever get stuck in a snowstorm, wait until a snowplow drives by and then follow it." Eventually she saw a snowplow so she followed it along in her car. After 30 minutes, the snowplow driver stopped, got out, and walked up to the woman's car asking, "Lady, why are you following me?" She explained what her father had told her and the driver said, "Well I'm done with the Walmart parking lot now. Do you want to follow me to Best Buy?"

[Jimbuna]

Two blondes walk into a tanning salon. The receptionist asks, "Are you two sisters?" They chuckle and reply, " No, we aren't even Catholic."

[Jimbuna]

Blonde: "What is the second to last letter of the alphabet?"
Redhead: "Y."
Blonde: "Because I want to know. Why do you have to question everything?!"

[Platapus]

How many optometrists does it take to change a light bulb?


One or two?


One or two?

[Jimbuna]

Q: Why were there bullet holes in the mirror?
A: A blonde tried killing herself.

[Jimbuna]

Two blondes were trapped in an elevator. One was crying in the corner and the other one was shouting, ''HELP! HELP!" Then the one crying had an idea, ''Why don't we shout together?'' "Okay," said the other blonde. ''TOGETHER! TOGETHER!"

[Platapus]

Today, I found, under my son's bed, some gay pornographic magazines.


It confirmed the greatest fear that a father can have for his son.



I have to accept it and come to terms with the reality.



(deep breath)


My...my son (sob) My son does not know how to use the internet.

[Jimbuna]

Q: Why do blondes leave empty beer cans in their refrigerator?
A: For their friends that don't drink.

[Jimbuna]

A Guy urgently needed a few days off work,
But, he knew the Boss would not allow him to leave.
he thought that maybe if he acted "Crazy"
Then he would tell him to take a few days off.
So, he hung upside-down on the ceiling &
Made funny noises.
His co-worker (who's blonde)! asked him what he was doing.
He told her that he was pretending to be a light bulb,
So, that the Boss might think he was "Crazy" & give him a few days off.
A few minutes later the Boss came into the office and asked,
"What are you doing?"
He told him he was a light bulb.
He said, "You are clearly stressed out."
Go home & recuperate for a couple of days."
He jumped down & walked out of the office...
When his co-worker (the blonde) followed him,
The Boss asked her
"...And where do you think you're going?!"
She said,
"I'm going home too, I can't work in the dark!!

[Jimbuna]

Brunette: "Do you see that dead bird?"
Blonde: [looks up] "OMG! Where is it?"

[Jimbuna]

Two blondes were walking down the sidewalk. The first blonde said, "Hey, look at that dog with one eye," so the second blonde covered up one eye.

[Platapus]

My wife told me that I have two major faults


One is that I don't listen to her
The other is some other thing

[Jimbuna]

Mr. Brown was working in his garden when on the other side of the fence, he heard his neighbor crying. Mr. Brown popped his head over the fence and asked, "What's the matter Mary? What has upset you?" The blonde neighbor replied, "My dog has died and I'm going to bury it here." Mr. Brown said, "You only have one dog, so why have you dug three holes?" She answered, "The first two were too small."