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11-19-20, 06:33 PM | #2491 |
Fleet Admiral
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Even thought I have lost most of my hair, I still carry comb. I have had it for years but I just can't part with it.
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abusus non tollit usum - A right should NOT be withheld from people on the basis that some tend to abuse that right. |
11-19-20, 06:34 PM | #2492 |
Fleet Admiral
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I have made a resolution not to eat Thanksgiving dinner leftovers this year.
I am quitting cold turkey.
__________________
abusus non tollit usum - A right should NOT be withheld from people on the basis that some tend to abuse that right. |
11-20-20, 09:09 AM | #2493 |
Chief of the Boat
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A man is attending a function in another village, riding a horse. As he is about to go, he notices that his horse is missing. He shouts, asking for his horse, but nobody seems to know where it is. "If I don't find my horse, I will do exactly what I did when I lost my first horse!" Suddenly, the horse appears. Out of curiosity, a man goes up to him and asks, "What did you do when you lost your first horse?" He replies, "I walked."
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11-20-20, 09:11 AM | #2494 |
Chief of the Boat
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Jason gets off the elevator on the 50th floor and nervously knocks on his blind date's door. She opens it and is very beautiful and charming. "I'll be ready in a few minutes," she says. "Why don't you play with Spot, my dog, while you're waiting? He does wonderful tricks. He rolls over, shakes hands, sits up, and if you make a hoop with your arms, he'll jump through." The dog follows Jason onto the balcony and starts rolling over. John makes a hoop with his arms and Spot jumps through, over the balcony railing. Just then, Jason's date walks out. "Isn't Spot the cutest, happiest dog you've ever seen?" "To tell the the truth, " he replies, "Spot seemed a little depressed to me!"
__________________
Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something.
Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim) |
11-20-20, 06:54 PM | #2495 |
Fleet Admiral
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The firefighters said that the fire in my house was caused by arson
The spooky thing is that I don't have children.
__________________
abusus non tollit usum - A right should NOT be withheld from people on the basis that some tend to abuse that right. |
11-21-20, 09:52 AM | #2496 |
Chief of the Boat
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A duck walks into a bar and orders a drink. The bartender says, "We don't serve ducks here." The duck says, "I'll pay you $20." "Your money isn't good here." "Then put it on my bill."
__________________
Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something.
Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim) |
11-21-20, 11:14 AM | #2497 |
Chief of the Boat
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One night a Deer, a Skunk and a Duck went out for dinner at a restaurant. When it came time to pay, the Skunk didn't have a scent, the Deer didn't have a buck, so they put it on the Duck's bill.
__________________
Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something.
Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim) |
11-21-20, 11:41 AM | #2498 |
Fleet Admiral
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At my age, "drink responsibly" means don't spill it.
__________________
abusus non tollit usum - A right should NOT be withheld from people on the basis that some tend to abuse that right. |
11-21-20, 01:25 PM | #2499 |
Chief of the Boat
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Q: Why is turtle wax so expensive?
A: Because they have such small ears.
__________________
Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something.
Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim) |
11-22-20, 05:40 AM | #2500 |
Fleet Admiral
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Age 60 might be the new 40, but 9:00 pm is the new midnight.
__________________
abusus non tollit usum - A right should NOT be withheld from people on the basis that some tend to abuse that right. |
11-22-20, 05:41 AM | #2501 |
Fleet Admiral
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It's the start of a brand new day, and I'm off like a herd of turtles.
__________________
abusus non tollit usum - A right should NOT be withheld from people on the basis that some tend to abuse that right. |
11-22-20, 09:08 AM | #2502 |
Chief of the Boat
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Q: What does a cheetah say when someone looks at it?
A: "I've been spotted!"
__________________
Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something.
Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim) |
11-22-20, 09:10 AM | #2503 |
Chief of the Boat
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I drove my sister's guinea pig to the vet this morning. My new golf clubs work great!
__________________
Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something.
Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim) |
11-22-20, 12:09 PM | #2504 |
Chief of the Boat
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Fed up with failure in preventing coyotes from killing his sheep, a rancher brought out his rifle to eliminate the pack. Suddenly, a federal bureaucrat rushed up and breathlessly screamed, "Wait, there's no need to do that. We've developed a new drug that renders them impotent." "I don't know what y`all do in Washington," drawled the rancher taking aim again, "but out here the coyotes eat the sheep."
__________________
Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something.
Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim) |
11-23-20, 06:29 AM | #2505 |
Fleet Admiral
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The older I get, the earlier it gets late.
__________________
abusus non tollit usum - A right should NOT be withheld from people on the basis that some tend to abuse that right. |
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