The joke thread - Page 164

Jimbuna · 10-29-12, 06:29 AM

I said to the attractive bint in white, standing close to me, "Get yer coat love, you've pulled."

She said, "Very funny Mr Brown. Now take a rinse and keep this wadding in place over the extracted tooth."

Jimbuna · 10-29-12, 06:30 AM

My wife called me as I was sat in the pub last night.

"I've cooked dinner," she screamed, "And if you're not home within 20 minutes I'm going to feed it to the dog."

"Woooah! That's bang out of order!" I said, "It's not his fault."

BossMark · 10-29-12, 06:33 AM

Super storm heading towards the U.S.
Here are some survival tips
1. Buy several kegs/barrels of beer
2. Drink beer
3. Wait for flooding
4. Drop kegs in water
5. Float to safety….

Jimbuna · 10-29-12, 07:05 AM

Josef Fritzl has divorced his wife of 55 years because she has never visited him in prison.

That's terrible. He went to see his daughter every day when she was locked up.

Jimbuna · 10-30-12, 07:23 AM

A guy joins a monastery and takes a vow of silence: he’s allowed to say two words every seven years. After the first seven years, the elders bring him in and ask for his two words. "Cold floors," he says.

They nod and send him away. Seven more years pass. They bring him back in and ask for his two words. He clears his throats and says, "Bad food."

They nod and send him away. Seven more years pass. They bring him in for his two words. "I quit," he says.

"That’s not surprising," the elders say. "You’ve done nothing but complain since you got here."

Sailor Steve · 10-30-12, 07:59 AM

Jim, you've already posted that one. Or somebody has.

BossMark · 10-30-12, 08:11 AM

"It takes only a few seconds to pick your dirty washing up from the bedroom floor and put it in the laundry basket!" said my wife, "It's not hard!"

"You're right, maybe I should make it more difficult for you."

BossMark · 10-30-12, 08:15 AM

I walked up to fat chick eating her burger in McDonald's yesterday.

I said to her, "You need a bit of me in your life."

"Do I now?" She blushed with a smile. "What's your name?"

"Will," I replied. "Will Power."

Jimbuna · 10-30-12, 09:03 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sailor Steve

Jim, you've already posted that one. Or somebody has.

There's been that many posted now it's bound to happen I suppose

Herr-Berbunch · 10-30-12, 09:11 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by jimbuna

There's been that many posted now it's bound to happen I suppose

Just run them all by Steve first, as well as a comprehensive list of ships' names I think he has a comprehensive joke list too.

BossMark · 10-30-12, 09:13 AM

Mark Clatternberg's inappropriate words that infuriated Chelsea have now been revealed. Allegedly he called Torres a "striker"

Jimbuna · 10-30-12, 09:29 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Herr-Berbunch

Just run them all by Steve first, as well as a comprehensive list of ships' names I think he has a comprehensive joke list too.

LOL...Steve's actually a good guy when you get to meet/know him.

just don't tell him I said that on here or he'll think I'm joking

Jimbuna · 10-30-12, 09:34 AM

Clattenburg defended himself by stating he was only repeating racial slurs back to the chelsea players, he added that he thought this would be acceptable behaviour and received full backing from John Terry.

Herr-Berbunch · 10-30-12, 10:34 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by jimbuna

LOL...Steve's actually a good guy when you get to meet/know him.

just don't tell him I said that on here or he'll think I'm joking

*Whispers*I'd got that impression of him already, don't tell him though, or his head won't fit through his doorway.

Jimbuna · 10-30-12, 10:36 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Herr-Berbunch

*Whispers*I'd got that impression of him already, don't tell him though, or his head won't fit through his doorway.

It never has done...ask him about the precise moment we met in person at Neals house

10-29-12, 06:29 AM	#2446
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 191,585 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	I said to the attractive bint in white, standing close to me, "Get yer coat love, you've pulled." She said, "Very funny Mr Brown. Now take a rinse and keep this wadding in place over the extracted tooth." __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!!

10-29-12, 06:30 AM	#2447
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 191,585 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	My wife called me as I was sat in the pub last night. "I've cooked dinner," she screamed, "And if you're not home within 20 minutes I'm going to feed it to the dog." "Woooah! That's bang out of order!" I said, "It's not his fault." __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!!

10-29-12, 06:33 AM	#2448
BossMark Fleet Admiral Join Date: May 2011 Location: Leeds, West Yorkshire Posts: 15,272 Downloads: 278 Uploads: 0	Super storm heading towards the U.S. Here are some survival tips 1. Buy several kegs/barrels of beer 2. Drink beer 3. Wait for flooding 4. Drop kegs in water 5. Float to safety…. __________________ Never trust the Tories look what Thatcher and Major did in the 80s and 90s and look what the wicked witch May is doing now doing now

10-29-12, 07:05 AM	#2449
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 191,585 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	Josef Fritzl has divorced his wife of 55 years because she has never visited him in prison. That's terrible. He went to see his daughter every day when she was locked up. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!!

10-30-12, 07:23 AM	#2450
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 191,585 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	A guy joins a monastery and takes a vow of silence: he’s allowed to say two words every seven years. After the first seven years, the elders bring him in and ask for his two words. "Cold floors," he says. They nod and send him away. Seven more years pass. They bring him back in and ask for his two words. He clears his throats and says, "Bad food." They nod and send him away. Seven more years pass. They bring him in for his two words. "I quit," he says. "That’s not surprising," the elders say. "You’ve done nothing but complain since you got here." __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!!

10-30-12, 07:59 AM	#2451
Sailor Steve Eternal Patrol Join Date: Nov 2002 Location: High in the mountains of Utah Posts: 50,369 Downloads: 745 Uploads: 249	Jim, you've already posted that one. Or somebody has. __________________ “Never do anything you can't take back.” —Rocky Russo

10-30-12, 08:11 AM	#2452
BossMark Fleet Admiral Join Date: May 2011 Location: Leeds, West Yorkshire Posts: 15,272 Downloads: 278 Uploads: 0	"It takes only a few seconds to pick your dirty washing up from the bedroom floor and put it in the laundry basket!" said my wife, "It's not hard!" "You're right, maybe I should make it more difficult for you." __________________ Never trust the Tories look what Thatcher and Major did in the 80s and 90s and look what the wicked witch May is doing now doing now

10-30-12, 08:15 AM	#2453
BossMark Fleet Admiral Join Date: May 2011 Location: Leeds, West Yorkshire Posts: 15,272 Downloads: 278 Uploads: 0	I walked up to fat chick eating her burger in McDonald's yesterday. I said to her, "You need a bit of me in your life." "Do I now?" She blushed with a smile. "What's your name?" "Will," I replied. "Will Power." __________________ Never trust the Tories look what Thatcher and Major did in the 80s and 90s and look what the wicked witch May is doing now doing now

10-30-12, 09:13 AM	#2456
BossMark Fleet Admiral Join Date: May 2011 Location: Leeds, West Yorkshire Posts: 15,272 Downloads: 278 Uploads: 0	Mark Clatternberg's inappropriate words that infuriated Chelsea have now been revealed. Allegedly he called Torres a "striker" __________________ Never trust the Tories look what Thatcher and Major did in the 80s and 90s and look what the wicked witch May is doing now doing now

10-30-12, 09:34 AM	#2458
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 191,585 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	Clattenburg defended himself by stating he was only repeating racial slurs back to the chelsea players, he added that he thought this would be acceptable behaviour and received full backing from John Terry. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!!