The joke thread II - Page 157

Platapus · 10-02-20, 10:14 AM

I had to borrow my best friend's cell phone to call my wife to tell her that I would be late again.

She answer the phone "Hi Honey, I missed you, when can you be over!"

How did she know it was me?

Jimbuna · 10-02-20, 11:21 AM

My Korean girlfriend made a pie from Scratch this weekend. I’m gonna miss that dog.

Jimbuna · 10-03-20, 05:27 AM

Just been pulled over by a cop. He said ‘can you identify yourself sir’ so I pulled out a mirror and said ‘yep that’s me!’

Jimbuna · 10-03-20, 11:31 AM

If you had the choice between being as rich as Bill Gates or having world peace, what color Lamborghini would you buy?

Platapus · 10-03-20, 05:23 PM

I have not had a car accident in over 30 years
My wife says I drive wrecklessly

Jimbuna · 10-04-20, 06:12 AM

You know you’re a bad driver when your SatNav says “In 400 yards, please stop the car and let me out”.

Jimbuna · 10-04-20, 10:30 AM

Just read an article about the top 100 things to do before you die. Was quite surprised that screaming “HELP ME!!” didn’t make the list.

Jimbuna · 10-05-20, 03:26 AM

I haven’t seen the new Star Wars film yet but when I do it’s gonna be really annoying because of all the spoilers people have been posting about Princess Leia dying.

Jimbuna · 10-05-20, 11:39 AM

Iraqi Awards Night:

And the 2016 winner for suicide bomber of the year goes to… Abdul Sahib. Unfortunately he couldn’t be here with us tonight.

Platapus · 10-05-20, 05:11 PM

For my birthday, a friend gave me a Telepathic Abacus

I guess it is the thought that counts

Platapus · 10-05-20, 05:12 PM

There is a new show on Netflix about a Camel herder trying to break into the milk business

It is a dromedary dairy drama

Platapus · 10-05-20, 05:13 PM

I accidentally handed my wife a glue stick instead of a chap stick

She is not talking to me

Jimbuna · 10-06-20, 04:30 AM

Why are some diseases more acceptable than others? When you have cancer you get compassion and sympathy but when you’re an alcoholic you get shouted at and thrown out of the ladies toilets at McDonalds.

Jimbuna · 10-06-20, 04:31 AM

The Muslims first invented the condom in the year 654 using a goat intestine. Christians expanded on this idea in 1364 by taking the intestine out of the goat first.

Jimbuna · 10-06-20, 01:27 PM

Feeling really alone today so I decided to buy some shares. It’s nice to have a bit of company.

10-02-20, 10:14 AM	#2341
Platapus Fleet Admiral Join Date: Oct 2006 Posts: 18,995 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 0	I had to borrow my best friend's cell phone to call my wife to tell her that I would be late again. She answer the phone "Hi Honey, I missed you, when can you be over!" How did she know it was me? __________________ abusus non tollit usum - A right should NOT be withheld from people on the basis that some tend to abuse that right.

10-02-20, 11:21 AM	#2342
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,802 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	My Korean girlfriend made a pie from Scratch this weekend. I’m gonna miss that dog. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

10-03-20, 05:27 AM	#2343
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,802 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	Just been pulled over by a cop. He said ‘can you identify yourself sir’ so I pulled out a mirror and said ‘yep that’s me!’ __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

10-03-20, 11:31 AM	#2344
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,802 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	If you had the choice between being as rich as Bill Gates or having world peace, what color Lamborghini would you buy? __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

10-03-20, 05:23 PM	#2345
Platapus Fleet Admiral Join Date: Oct 2006 Posts: 18,995 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 0	I have not had a car accident in over 30 years My wife says I drive wrecklessly __________________ abusus non tollit usum - A right should NOT be withheld from people on the basis that some tend to abuse that right.

10-04-20, 06:12 AM	#2346
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,802 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	You know you’re a bad driver when your SatNav says “In 400 yards, please stop the car and let me out”. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

10-04-20, 10:30 AM	#2347
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,802 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	Just read an article about the top 100 things to do before you die. Was quite surprised that screaming “HELP ME!!” didn’t make the list. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

10-05-20, 03:26 AM	#2348
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,802 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	I haven’t seen the new Star Wars film yet but when I do it’s gonna be really annoying because of all the spoilers people have been posting about Princess Leia dying. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

10-05-20, 11:39 AM	#2349
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,802 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	Iraqi Awards Night: And the 2016 winner for suicide bomber of the year goes to… Abdul Sahib. Unfortunately he couldn’t be here with us tonight. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

10-05-20, 05:11 PM	#2350
Platapus Fleet Admiral Join Date: Oct 2006 Posts: 18,995 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 0	For my birthday, a friend gave me a Telepathic Abacus I guess it is the thought that counts __________________ abusus non tollit usum - A right should NOT be withheld from people on the basis that some tend to abuse that right.

10-05-20, 05:12 PM	#2351
Platapus Fleet Admiral Join Date: Oct 2006 Posts: 18,995 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 0	There is a new show on Netflix about a Camel herder trying to break into the milk business It is a dromedary dairy drama __________________ abusus non tollit usum - A right should NOT be withheld from people on the basis that some tend to abuse that right.

10-05-20, 05:13 PM	#2352
Platapus Fleet Admiral Join Date: Oct 2006 Posts: 18,995 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 0	I accidentally handed my wife a glue stick instead of a chap stick She is not talking to me __________________ abusus non tollit usum - A right should NOT be withheld from people on the basis that some tend to abuse that right.

10-06-20, 04:30 AM	#2353
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,802 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	Why are some diseases more acceptable than others? When you have cancer you get compassion and sympathy but when you’re an alcoholic you get shouted at and thrown out of the ladies toilets at McDonalds. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

10-06-20, 04:31 AM	#2354
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,802 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	The Muslims first invented the condom in the year 654 using a goat intestine. Christians expanded on this idea in 1364 by taking the intestine out of the goat first. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

10-06-20, 01:27 PM	#2355
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,802 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	Feeling really alone today so I decided to buy some shares. It’s nice to have a bit of company. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)