The joke thread - Page 131

BossMark · 06-02-12, 02:51 PM

A blonde and a brunette are out driving, and the brunette tells the blonde to look out for cops - especially cops with their lights on. After they've been driving for a while, the brunette asks the blonde if she's seen any cops.

"Yes," says the blonde.

"Are their lights on?"

The blonde has to think for a moment, then says, "Yes. No. Yes. No. Yes. No."

Jimbuna · 06-02-12, 03:18 PM

" Hey boss can take a day off I'm going to be a father,"
"Sure!"
The next day.
"So is is a boy or a girl?"
"Dunno find out in nine months"

06-02-12, 03:38 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sailor Steve

That's great! Usually we frown upon any swearing, including using asterisks to fake it, but the punch line kind of needs it to get the point across.

BossMark · 06-03-12, 03:36 AM

Two married men are in a pub discussing their love life when one says, "Have you ever tried playing doctor?"

His mate says, "No what's it like?"

The man replies, "It's amazing me and my wife were playing for the whole of last night must of been about 10 hours."

His mate, shocked says, "10 hours!? How the hell did you manage that long?"

"I just left her in waiting room for 9 and a half hours."

Jimbuna · 06-03-12, 12:18 PM

What are the first three letters of the Greek alphabet?

I.O.U.

BossMark · 06-04-12, 08:53 AM

First year students at Medical School were receiving Their first anatomy class with a real dead human body.
They all gathered around the surgery table with the body covered with a white sheet. The professor started the class by telling them, "In medicine,it is necessary to have two important qualities as a doctor. The first is that you should not be disgusted by anything involving the human body."

The Professor pulled back the sheet, stuck his finger in the anus of the corpse, withdrew it and stuck it in his mouth.

"Go ahead and do the same thing," he told his students. The students initially freaked out, hesitated for several minutes, but eventually
took turns sticking a finger in the anus of the corpse and sucking on it.

When everyone finished, the Professor looked at the class and told them,
"The second most important quality is observation. I stuck in my middle finger but sucked on my index finger. Now learn to pay attention!"

TarJak · 06-04-12, 08:54 AM

The barman says "We don't serve time-travellers here."

A time traveller walks into a bar.

Jimbuna · 06-04-12, 04:33 PM

Who ever thought the birds and the bees would be so kinky?

Jimbuna · 06-05-12, 03:00 PM

"And so, God came forth and proclaimed widescreen is the best"

Sony 16:9

BossMark · 06-06-12, 11:27 AM

Not sure whether this as been posted and I aint got time to check as its nearly time for work

A blonde and a brunette are walking past a flower shop.

The brunette sees her boyfriend inside and says: "Oh no, my boyfriend is inside buying me flowers again."

The blonde asks: "Why is that so bad?"

The brunette says:"Every time he buys me flowers, he expects something in return and I don't feel like spending the entire weekend with my legs in the air."

The blonde asks:"Why, don't you have a vase?"

Jimbuna · 06-06-12, 01:25 PM

All my girlfriends mates think I'm so romantic. Every weekend she updates her status on Facebook

"Breakfast brought to me in bed again."

Though usually it's because she's in A & E for giving me an earful after I've been to the pub on Friday night.

Herr-Berbunch · 06-06-12, 02:24 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BossMark

Not sure whether this as been posted and I aint got time to check as its nearly time for work

I'll give you a clue - yes, and I didn't need to check. If it's not exactly the same then it's still the same punchline.

Jimbuna · 06-06-12, 03:03 PM

Just like to congratulate Stoke On Trent on receiving 'The Flame' Shortly to follow in Stoke - 'The running water' and 'The electricity'

BossMark · 06-07-12, 01:18 PM

A man joins a big corporate empire as a trainee.
On his very first day of work, he dials the pantry and shouts into the phone - "Get me a coffee, quickly!"

The voice from the other side responded, "You fool you've dialled the wrong extension! Do you know who you're talking to, dumbo?"

"No," replied the trainee.
"It's the CEO of the company, you fool!"

The trainee shouts back, "And do YOU know who YOU are talking to, you fool?!"
"No." replied the CEO indignantly.

"Good!" replied the trainee, and puts down the phone.

Jimbuna · 06-07-12, 03:35 PM

I typed 'Hell' instead of 'Hull' into my Sat-Nav.

I still got there.

06-02-12, 02:51 PM	#1951
BossMark Fleet Admiral Join Date: May 2011 Location: Leeds, West Yorkshire Posts: 15,272 Downloads: 278 Uploads: 0	A blonde and a brunette are out driving, and the brunette tells the blonde to look out for cops - especially cops with their lights on. After they've been driving for a while, the brunette asks the blonde if she's seen any cops. "Yes," says the blonde. "Are their lights on?" The blonde has to think for a moment, then says, "Yes. No. Yes. No. Yes. No." __________________ Never trust the Tories look what Thatcher and Major did in the 80s and 90s and look what the wicked witch May is doing now doing now

06-02-12, 03:18 PM	#1952
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,775 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	" Hey boss can take a day off I'm going to be a father," "Sure!" The next day. "So is is a boy or a girl?" "Dunno find out in nine months" __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

06-03-12, 03:36 AM	#1954
BossMark Fleet Admiral Join Date: May 2011 Location: Leeds, West Yorkshire Posts: 15,272 Downloads: 278 Uploads: 0	Two married men are in a pub discussing their love life when one says, "Have you ever tried playing doctor?" His mate says, "No what's it like?" The man replies, "It's amazing me and my wife were playing for the whole of last night must of been about 10 hours." His mate, shocked says, "10 hours!? How the hell did you manage that long?" "I just left her in waiting room for 9 and a half hours." __________________ Never trust the Tories look what Thatcher and Major did in the 80s and 90s and look what the wicked witch May is doing now doing now

06-03-12, 12:18 PM	#1955
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,775 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	What are the first three letters of the Greek alphabet? I.O.U. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

06-04-12, 08:53 AM	#1956
BossMark Fleet Admiral Join Date: May 2011 Location: Leeds, West Yorkshire Posts: 15,272 Downloads: 278 Uploads: 0	First year students at Medical School were receiving Their first anatomy class with a real dead human body. They all gathered around the surgery table with the body covered with a white sheet. The professor started the class by telling them, "In medicine,it is necessary to have two important qualities as a doctor. The first is that you should not be disgusted by anything involving the human body." The Professor pulled back the sheet, stuck his finger in the anus of the corpse, withdrew it and stuck it in his mouth. "Go ahead and do the same thing," he told his students. The students initially freaked out, hesitated for several minutes, but eventually took turns sticking a finger in the anus of the corpse and sucking on it. When everyone finished, the Professor looked at the class and told them, "The second most important quality is observation. I stuck in my middle finger but sucked on my index finger. Now learn to pay attention!" __________________ Never trust the Tories look what Thatcher and Major did in the 80s and 90s and look what the wicked witch May is doing now doing now

06-04-12, 08:54 AM	#1957
TarJak Fleet Admiral Join Date: Jul 2006 Location: Sydney, Australia Posts: 17,052 Downloads: 150 Uploads: 8	The barman says "We don't serve time-travellers here." A time traveller walks into a bar. Last edited by TarJak; 06-09-12 at 02:37 AM.

06-04-12, 04:33 PM	#1958
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,775 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	Who ever thought the birds and the bees would be so kinky? __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

06-05-12, 03:00 PM	#1959
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,775 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	"And so, God came forth and proclaimed widescreen is the best" Sony 16:9 __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

06-06-12, 11:27 AM	#1960
BossMark Fleet Admiral Join Date: May 2011 Location: Leeds, West Yorkshire Posts: 15,272 Downloads: 278 Uploads: 0	Not sure whether this as been posted and I aint got time to check as its nearly time for work A blonde and a brunette are walking past a flower shop. The brunette sees her boyfriend inside and says: "Oh no, my boyfriend is inside buying me flowers again." The blonde asks: "Why is that so bad?" The brunette says:"Every time he buys me flowers, he expects something in return and I don't feel like spending the entire weekend with my legs in the air." The blonde asks:"Why, don't you have a vase?" __________________ Never trust the Tories look what Thatcher and Major did in the 80s and 90s and look what the wicked witch May is doing now doing now

06-06-12, 01:25 PM	#1961
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,775 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	All my girlfriends mates think I'm so romantic. Every weekend she updates her status on Facebook "Breakfast brought to me in bed again." Though usually it's because she's in A & E for giving me an earful after I've been to the pub on Friday night. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

06-06-12, 03:03 PM	#1963
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,775 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	Just like to congratulate Stoke On Trent on receiving 'The Flame' Shortly to follow in Stoke - 'The running water' and 'The electricity' __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)

06-07-12, 01:18 PM	#1964
BossMark Fleet Admiral Join Date: May 2011 Location: Leeds, West Yorkshire Posts: 15,272 Downloads: 278 Uploads: 0	A man joins a big corporate empire as a trainee. On his very first day of work, he dials the pantry and shouts into the phone - "Get me a coffee, quickly!" The voice from the other side responded, "You fool you've dialled the wrong extension! Do you know who you're talking to, dumbo?" "No," replied the trainee. "It's the CEO of the company, you fool!" The trainee shouts back, "And do YOU know who YOU are talking to, you fool?!" "No." replied the CEO indignantly. "Good!" replied the trainee, and puts down the phone. __________________ Never trust the Tories look what Thatcher and Major did in the 80s and 90s and look what the wicked witch May is doing now doing now

06-07-12, 03:35 PM	#1965
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 181,775 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	I typed 'Hell' instead of 'Hull' into my Sat-Nav. I still got there. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!! GWX3.0 Download Page - Donation/instant access to GWX (Help SubSim)