The adventures of Kapt Heinz and Ober Lt. Helmut

Excalibur Bane · 10-06-05, 07:28 AM

Aboard the newly commisioned U-666, near Scapa Flow.....

Heinz: Ah, good Helmut! Have you finished preparing the experimental engines?

Helmut: Yes, Kapt!

Heinz: Most excellent, my friend! Shall we give them a try then?

Helmut: *shudders* Uhhh....Yes, Kapt!

Heinz: Wonderful! On my mark...3...2...1...ENGAGE Rocket Schnellboot!

Heinz: Ahhhhh!!!!!!

Helmut: Ahhhhhh!!!!

Heinz and Helmut are both slammed into the bottom of the command room deck.

Heinz: Ugh...HELMUT! What did you set the rocket engines at?!

Helmut: Ummm. *looks down, then back up and grins* Full power, Kapt!

Heinz: You fool! I said one third ahead! *slaps his forehead* I am surrounded by IDIOTS!

Helmut: *frowns* Sorry, Kapt!

Both Helmut and Heinz tumble and roll down the deck, and slam into the Aft Torpedo Room....

Helmut and Heinz struggle to get a grip and make their way back to the command station.

Heinz: Wait...I think we're leveling off. Perhaps we've landed in some mud and are jammed. I can still hear the engines going though! I'm going up the hatch to take a look, you get those damn engines at full stop Helmut or I'll skin you alive!

Helmut: Uhh. *wide grin* Yes, Kapt!

Heinz struggles with his footing, but manages to get to the conning tower ladder, and climbs frantically up, reaching the top and popping the hatch, only to see....

Heinz: Oh, dear....

He quickly slams shut the hatch, and scrambles back to the command center.

Heinz: Helmut! Brace for impact, we're going to crash land!!

Helmut: Crash?! Crash what? Land? Kapt?

Heinz: Your genius invention has propelled us into the air! We're FLYING, you moron!

Helmut: But I didn't join the Luftwaffe!! *cries and sobs*

Heinz: Silence! Secure yourself the best you can!

Heinz: Ugh, ow! Ahhhhh!

Helmut: I don't wanna die, Kapt!!!!!

Heinz and Helmut are bounced around the experimental sub like ragdolls.

Heinz and Helmut lie broken and shattered, inside the wrecked submarine.

Heinz: *cough* *hack* Helmut....you damned fool....I knew this Type XXXXXIIIIV would never work....*cough*

Helmut: *choke* I'm....sorry...Kapt....I had no choice....

Heinz: *spits* It's a good thing we're going to die, the Furher will not be happy that we wrecked his new boat. Just as well....goodbye...Helmut.....

Helmut: *gasps* Farewell....my Kapt......

Darkness overcomes the brave Kapt and his Ober-Liet for the last time.

Their uboot lands deep in the mud for the last time near Scapa Flow, the uboot never having been found. Our two heroes go unsung, until a recent expedition found the experimental uboot and the German government finally released detailed files on the highly experimental uboot that was to rain fire upon Britain from the skies, with a wave of elite uboot Kapt's out of the top secret 79th flotilla based in Norway.

THE END!

Hmmm. I was not intending for that to happen to my sub, I was rather just having fun playing with the submarine parameters. I included the interface in the screenshots to show the speed and height of my sub (about a mile "deep", more like high). It wasn't actually the sub that managed to do this by itself, but rather it bounced off the ocean floor which then rocketed it skyward. Pretty interesting turn of events. I was pretty fortunate to capture any screens at all, it happened so quickly. I wish I had a movie actually, the way it spun like a top when it landed in the shallow water was funny as hell.

Anyway, just thought you guys might get a kick out of this one. Sorry for the bad story, I nearly wet myself laughing when this happened, I had to put up SOME kind of a decent story to go with the pics.

Enjoy......

Excalibur Bane · 10-06-05, 10:10 AM

19 views and not a single comment?

U-104 · 10-06-05, 10:28 AM

:rotfl:

DeePsix U-48 · 10-06-05, 11:01 AM

LOL! Brings new meaning to "Crash Dive"

Sturgeon · 10-06-05, 11:28 AM

I hate these posts that make me laugh hysterically while at work. Everyone around me thinks I am an idiot!

But seriously, thanks for the post! :rotfl:

10-06-05, 11:33 AM

And the judges think about the U-boat high dive event...

USA 7.5
CAN 8.0
GER 10.0
POL 6.5
RUS 4.5
BRT 4.5

Good form overall!

DeePsix U-48 · 10-06-05, 01:13 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Excalibur Bane

Note the speed...very impessive

~DeePsix
Commander U-48

Excalibur Bane · 10-06-05, 01:24 PM

[quote="DeePsix U-48"]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Excalibur Bane

Note the speed...very impessive

~DeePsix
Commander U-48

Yes, quite interesting. It's interesting what you can do with a little tweak to the diesels. I wasn't able to quite reproduce the effect after that one though, unfortunately.

The game's physics engine leaves alot to be desired.

coronas · 10-06-05, 05:04 PM

IÂ´m still laughting. CÂ´mon, I want new aventures of these genial ingeneers.

Von Scheerbach · 10-06-05, 05:16 PM

Physics by Werner Von Braun!

Weren't you supposed to land on London?????

10-06-05, 07:28 AM	#1
Excalibur Bane XO Join Date: Oct 2005 Posts: 429 Downloads: 20 Uploads: 0	The adventures of Kapt Heinz and Ober Lt. Helmut Aboard the newly commisioned U-666, near Scapa Flow..... Heinz: Ah, good Helmut! Have you finished preparing the experimental engines? Helmut: Yes, Kapt! Heinz: Most excellent, my friend! Shall we give them a try then? Helmut: shudders Uhhh....Yes, Kapt! Heinz: Wonderful! On my mark...3...2...1...ENGAGE Rocket Schnellboot! Heinz: Ahhhhh!!!!!! Helmut: Ahhhhhh!!!! Heinz and Helmut are both slammed into the bottom of the command room deck. Heinz: Ugh...HELMUT! What did you set the rocket engines at?! Helmut: Ummm. looks down, then back up and grins Full power, Kapt! Heinz: You fool! I said one third ahead! slaps his forehead I am surrounded by IDIOTS! Helmut: frowns Sorry, Kapt! Both Helmut and Heinz tumble and roll down the deck, and slam into the Aft Torpedo Room.... Helmut and Heinz struggle to get a grip and make their way back to the command station. Heinz: Wait...I think we're leveling off. Perhaps we've landed in some mud and are jammed. I can still hear the engines going though! I'm going up the hatch to take a look, you get those damn engines at full stop Helmut or I'll skin you alive! Helmut: Uhh. wide grin Yes, Kapt! Heinz struggles with his footing, but manages to get to the conning tower ladder, and climbs frantically up, reaching the top and popping the hatch, only to see.... Heinz: Oh, dear.... He quickly slams shut the hatch, and scrambles back to the command center. Heinz: Helmut! Brace for impact, we're going to crash land!! Helmut: Crash?! Crash what? Land? Kapt? Heinz: Your genius invention has propelled us into the air! We're FLYING, you moron! Helmut: But I didn't join the Luftwaffe!! cries and sobs Heinz: Silence! Secure yourself the best you can! Heinz: Ugh, ow! Ahhhhh! Helmut: I don't wanna die, Kapt!!!!! Heinz and Helmut are bounced around the experimental sub like ragdolls. Heinz and Helmut lie broken and shattered, inside the wrecked submarine. Heinz: cough hack Helmut....you damned fool....I knew this Type XXXXXIIIIV would never work....cough Helmut: choke I'm....sorry...Kapt....I had no choice.... Heinz: spits It's a good thing we're going to die, the Furher will not be happy that we wrecked his new boat. Just as well....goodbye...Helmut..... Helmut: gasps Farewell....my Kapt...... Darkness overcomes the brave Kapt and his Ober-Liet for the last time. Their uboot lands deep in the mud for the last time near Scapa Flow, the uboot never having been found. Our two heroes go unsung, until a recent expedition found the experimental uboot and the German government finally released detailed files on the highly experimental uboot that was to rain fire upon Britain from the skies, with a wave of elite uboot Kapt's out of the top secret 79th flotilla based in Norway. THE END! Hmmm. I was not intending for that to happen to my sub, I was rather just having fun playing with the submarine parameters. I included the interface in the screenshots to show the speed and height of my sub (about a mile "deep", more like high). It wasn't actually the sub that managed to do this by itself, but rather it bounced off the ocean floor which then rocketed it skyward. Pretty interesting turn of events. I was pretty fortunate to capture any screens at all, it happened so quickly. I wish I had a movie actually, the way it spun like a top when it landed in the shallow water was funny as hell. Anyway, just thought you guys might get a kick out of this one. Sorry for the bad story, I nearly wet myself laughing when this happened, I had to put up SOME kind of a decent story to go with the pics. Enjoy...... __________________ Looking for a list of mods for SH4? Everything you need is here: List Of Modifications for SH4 v1.3 "The only thing necessary for evil to triumph, is for good men to do nothing."

10-06-05, 10:10 AM	#2
Excalibur Bane XO Join Date: Oct 2005 Posts: 429 Downloads: 20 Uploads: 0	19 views and not a single comment? __________________ Looking for a list of mods for SH4? Everything you need is here: List Of Modifications for SH4 v1.3 "The only thing necessary for evil to triumph, is for good men to do nothing."

10-06-05, 10:28 AM	#3
U-104 Grey Wolf Join Date: Aug 2005 Location: United States Posts: 797 Downloads: 187 Uploads: 0	:rotfl: __________________ My heart is steadfast, O God. I will sing and make music with all my soul. Ps. 108:1 Survival of the fittest does not explain arrival of the fittest. we live in a single spoken sentence.. "God said, let there be"

10-06-05, 11:01 AM	#4
DeePsix U-48 Watch Join Date: Sep 2005 Location: U-48 Posts: 21 Downloads: 0 Uploads: 0	LOL! Brings new meaning to "Crash Dive" __________________ U-48 VIIC/42 - August 1944

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10-06-05, 11:28 AM	#5
Sturgeon Swabbie Join Date: Sep 2005 Location: Denver, CO Posts: 14 Downloads: 0 Uploads: 0	I hate these posts that make me laugh hysterically while at work. Everyone around me thinks I am an idiot! But seriously, thanks for the post! :rotfl:

10-06-05, 11:33 AM	#6
SubSerpent Stowaway Posts: n/a Downloads: Uploads:	And the judges think about the U-boat high dive event... USA 7.5 CAN 8.0 GER 10.0 POL 6.5 RUS 4.5 BRT 4.5 Good form overall!

10-06-05, 05:04 PM	#9
coronas Ace of the Deep Join Date: May 2005 Location: Asturias, España Posts: 1,168 Downloads: 39 Uploads: 0	IÂ´m still laughting. CÂ´mon, I want new aventures of these genial ingeneers.

10-06-05, 05:16 PM	#10
Von Scheerbach A-ganger Join Date: Jul 2005 Location: Pittsburgh Posts: 79 Downloads: 1 Uploads: 0	Physics by Werner Von Braun! Weren't you supposed to land on London?????