What next? (Story)

[TabbyHunter]

Once more i have to appologize, as i had about a three to four page chapter written out, but, as the fates have it, my laptop recived a virus and the harddrive got whiped. So, here is the ****-poor excuse of what happend. I will try to redo the three/four page vertion, but,...I dunno what ill do next with this.
December 7th, 1941.
5:55 A.M. Local standard time.
USS Springfield, SSN/B 761
North of Oahu
Sonar man Jonsey had been waiting for the sounds of the Japanese taskforce’s engines to speed up, and now, they were. “Con, Sonar! Jap taskforce picking up speed.” He reported to the Con, and imidialtly afterwards, battle station klaxons were going off, and men were rushing about.
6:00 A.M.
Jonsey picked up a sentence in Japanese, and translated it. “Con, Sonar, I intercepted a Japanese transmission. ‘Climb Mount Niitaka.’ The Japs are about to launch!” In the Con, Lt. Commander Austin McCrea ordered the periscope raised. The nearest enemy warship was about a half mile away, and opening. As he watched the first of the two hundred or so aircraft take off, he waited.
“Sir, are we going to attack?” asked the XO Lt. Pair. The captain didn’t move, but stayed glued to the scope.
“I’m watching what no American has ever witnessed. I wonder if the Russian is filming this?” spoke the captain, but it was to no one. “We wait till the Japanese begin to prepare the second wave and then we attack. Plot the solutions for the four carriers, and then reload and fire on the last two! ” Ten minutes later, the second wave of Japanese planes are being prepared. “Fire torpedos’ 1 through 4!” Ordered the commander. The torpedoes’ hissed as they left the tubes, and sped towards the Japanese. Just as the first airplane was taking off, all four torpedoes’ hit the mark, with the Russian torpedoes’ hitting various cruisers and support ships.
“Con sonar! Japanese pinging!” Warned Sonarman Jonsey. The Japanese warships began to speed up, and head in the direction of the two submarines.
“Con, Torpedo room, we are ready to fire again!” With that, two more torpedos rush for the Japanese flattops.

[rein1705]

Would you like me to continue the role of the Kilo? if so i'll need some time to think it out. Im glad to see you haven't deep sixed the story
It would add to the random unpredictability but would be harder for you to steer the story the way you intend. but im still on board if you want.

[CaptainMattJ.]

Originally Posted by TabbyHunter

Okay.

My ideas are

A) Springfield moves into position, fires her four torps, and has to dive deep from oncomeing destoryers.

B)Fires her four torps, dosent get picked up by destroyers, and continues to fire till the Japanese are sunk.

C) Take a hint from The Final Countdown and does nothing whatsoever...

Or D) Radio's Pearl Harbor, informs them of the oncoming raid, and sinks only one carrier and a battleship.

Are you joking? that one sub could take out a single task force with a flick of the wrist. one tactical nuclear missile and bye bye. Plus, they wouldnt be this close and detecting it JUST now.

This entire story is quite flawed. QUITE flawed. if your using a Nuclear sub, then game over. one modern nuke sub has more firepower then ALL bombs dropped in the entire War. including, you guessed it! NUKES. they couldve picked this fleet up from mars. just about one of the hardest things to do in modern naval warfare is detecting a nuclear sub. the nuke sub couldve been sitting on the Aircraft Carriers deck and they wouldntve seen it. i suggest you redo this whole get-up. instead of making it a nuclear sub, how about making it a balao class from the near future. in fact that sounds extremely interesting. you could research a balalo class that met its maker and make it so that right before they met their end, they vanished in a wormhole and reappeared there. thats cool. but continuing with nuclear subs is totally out of whack. the japs never even wouldve caught a glimpse of the sub on any detection equipment. so again i suggest you change this, if your actually thinking about publishing a book.

and also your characters seem so casual about the fact they jumped 75 years into the past and landed next to a jap task force responsible for pearl harbor. plus, they also wouldtve known that they were japs or hat knid of warships or pretty much anything about them. Its alright for a story that doesnt go into a book, but i am 100% certain if this book is somehow accepted by a publisher and put on the market that it wont sell 1 copy. HOWEVER the basic idea is fun and exciting. and if this is just a basic outline, then if you change some stuff itll be pretty interesting.

this is all constructive criticism, just so you know. Just giving some advice, so dont take it the wrong way. good luck.

[rein1705]

oow....
My kilo was just struck by a phaser blast from orbit.....

bump

[rein1705]