The inventor of the Harley-Davidson motorcycle, died and went to heaven...

[mcf1]

These are supposed to be true stories

-A chauffeur worked for a woman who took her cat with her on rides.

During one trip, the driver droped her at a mall before he gasing up. The cat remained in the car, laying down on the top of the limousine's back seat.

The service station's attendant often glanced at unusual passenger. Finally, he asked: "Sir, is that cat someone important?"

-Shortly after the 911 emergency number became available, an elderly and quite ill lady appeared in a Rochester hospital emergency room, having driven herself to the hospital and barely managing to stagger in from the parking lot. The horrified nurse said, 'Why didn't you call the 911 number and get an ambulance?'

The lady said, 'My phone doesn't have an eleven.'

[SUBMAN1]

A Greek and an Irishman were sitting in a Starbuck's cafe one day
discussing who had the superior culture.
Over triple lattes the Greek guy says, 'Well, we Greeks built the
Parthenon,' arching his eyebrows.
The Irishman then replies, 'Well... it was the Irish that discovered the
Summer and Winter Solstices..'
The Greek retorts, 'We Greeks gave birth to advanced mathematics.'
The Irishman, nodding in agreement, says, 'Irish were the ones who built
the first timepieces and calendars.'
And so on until the Greek comes up with what he thinks will end the
discussion. With a flourish of finality he says, 'The Greeks were the ones
who invented sex!'

The Irishman replies, 'Indeed, that is true, but it was we Irish who
introduced it to women.'

[Jimbuna]

Originally Posted by SUBMAN1

A Greek and an Irishman were sitting in a Starbuck's cafe one day
discussing who had the superior culture.
Over triple lattes the Greek guy says, 'Well, we Greeks built the
Parthenon,' arching his eyebrows.
The Irishman then replies, 'Well... it was the Irish that discovered the
Summer and Winter Solstices..'
The Greek retorts, 'We Greeks gave birth to advanced mathematics.'
The Irishman, nodding in agreement, says, 'Irish were the ones who built
the first timepieces and calendars.'
And so on until the Greek comes up with what he thinks will end the
discussion. With a flourish of finality he says, 'The Greeks were the ones
who invented sex!'

The Irishman replies, 'Indeed, that is true, but it was we Irish who
introduced it to women.'

LMAO :rotfl:

[mcf1]

Originally Posted by SUBMAN1

A Greek and an Irishman were sitting in a Starbuck's cafe one day
discussing who had the superior culture.
Over triple lattes the Greek guy says, 'Well, we Greeks built the
Parthenon,' arching his eyebrows.
The Irishman then replies, 'Well... it was the Irish that discovered the
Summer and Winter Solstices..'
The Greek retorts, 'We Greeks gave birth to advanced mathematics.'
The Irishman, nodding in agreement, says, 'Irish were the ones who built
the first timepieces and calendars.'
And so on until the Greek comes up with what he thinks will end the
discussion. With a flourish of finality he says, 'The Greeks were the ones
who invented sex!'

The Irishman replies, 'Indeed, that is true, but it was we Irish who
introduced it to women.'

[mcf1]

A translated version of a joke, I read in Greek

A Greek was eating his dinner in a restaurant, when a foreign tourist chewing a gum comes in and sits next to him, the Greek ignored him and the tourist disappointed started this convertation:
Tourist: You Greeks, eat the whole bread?
Greek: Of course
Tourist: We don't, we eat only the inside, the outside we recycle it to a Croissant and sell
it to you Greeks
(the Greek still ignores him)

Tourist: You Greeks eat jelly?
Greek: Yes
Tourist: We don't, we eat fresh fruit and the remains of them, we recycle to jelly and
sell it to you.

And this time the Greek asks him.
Greek: What do you do with condoms after you used them?
Tourist: We throw them away of course.
Greek: We don't, we recycle them into chewing gums and sell them to you

[Sailor Steve]

Oooh, low blow!:rotfl:

[Sailor Steve]

Something just posted on another thread reminded me of this old gem:

Guy is walking along the beach in California when he sees something shining in the sand. He picks it up and finds out it's an old-fashioned oil lamp. When he tries to rub the sand off it starts to glow, and then a genie pops out. The genie thanks him for releasing him from the lamp, and offers to grant him a wish.

"I've always wanted to go to Hawaii, but never could afford it. I'd like a bridge from here to there so I can drive anytime I want to."

"A bridge all the way to Hawaii? You have got to be kidding! Do you realize how much engineering that would take? There's no way I'm doing that! Think of something else."

The man thinks for a minute and says "I want to understand women."

The genie stares at him for a minute and then says "How many lanes do you want on that bridge?"

[Jimbuna]

On a farm lived a chicken and a horse, both of whom loved to play together.

One day, the two were playing when the horse fell into a bog and began to sink.

Scared for his life, the horse whinnied for the chicken to go get the farmer for help!

Off the chicken ran, back to the farm.

Arriving at the farm, he searched and searched for the farmer, but to no avail, for he had gone to town with the only tractor.

Running around, the chicken spied the farmer's new Harley. Finding the keys in the ignition, the chicken sped off with a length of rope hoping he still had time to save his friend's life.

Back at the bog, the horse was surprised, but happy, to see the chicken arrive on the shiny Harley, and he managed to get a hold of the loop of rope the chicken tossed to him.

After tying the other end to the rear bumper of the farmer's bike, the chicken then drove slowly forward and, with the aid of the bike, rescued the horse!

Happy and proud, the chicken rode the Harley back to the farmhouse, and the farmer was none the wiser when he returned.

The friendship between the two animals was cemented: best buddies, best pals. A few weeks later, the chicken fell into a mud pit, and soon, he too, began to sink and cried out to the horse to save his life!

The horse thought a moment, walked over, and straddled the large puddle.

Looking underneath, he told the chicken to grab his d*ck and he would then lift him out of the pit. The chicken got a good grip, and the horse pulled him up and out, saving his life.

The moral of the story? (Yes, there's a moral): "When you're hung like a horse, you don't need a Harley to pick up chicks

[Morts]

Originally Posted by Sailor Steve

Something just posted on another thread reminded me of this old gem:

Guy is walking along the beach in California when he sees something shining in the sand. He picks it up and finds out it's an old-fashioned oil lamp. When he tries to rub the sand off it starts to glow, and then a genie pops out. The genie thanks him for releasing him from the lamp, and offers to grant him a wish.

"I've always wanted to go to Hawaii, but never could afford it. I'd like a bridge from here to there so I can drive anytime I want to."

"A bridge all the way to Hawaii? You have got to be kidding! Do you realize how much engineering that would take? There's no way I'm doing that! Think of something else."

The man thinks for a minute and says "I want to understand women."

The genie stares at him for a minute and then says "How many lanes do you want on that bridge?"

:rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: