UK'rs need to sign this petition...

[STEED]

We got Brillo pads for that sort of thing, raw ouch.

[SUBMAN1]

Here is one to add to the toilet paper jokes!

-S

Fresh from my shower, I stand in front of the mirror complaining to my husband that my breasts are too small.

Instead of characteristically telling me it's not so, he uncharacteristically comes up with a suggestion.

"If you want your breasts to grow, then every day take a piece of toilet paper and rub it between them for a few seconds".

Willing to try anything, I fetch a piece of toilet paper and stand in front of the mirror, rubbing it between my breasts.

"How long will this take?" I asked.

"They will grow larger over a period of years," my husband replies.

I stopped. "Do you really think rubbing a piece of toilet paper between my breasts e very day will make my breasts larger over the years?"

Without missing a beat he says, "Worked for your butt, didn't it?"

He's still alive, and with a great deal of therapy, he may even walk again, although he will probably continue to take his meals through a straw.

[Hakahura]

Well I won't bee signing it.

As someone who has had the misfortune of a next door neighbour having half a dozen hives in his garden for several years. I was quitely pleased when they all died off. 4 years of not being able to let my kids in the garden during summer months. Don't tell me that if you leave them alone they are harmless, different story when there's six hives the other side of your garden wall. *********g well chuffed when they all died and now it seems summer has started I can use my garden again.

Theres a place for these things and it wasn't the other side of my garden wall.
Not that the local authorities were prepared to do anything about it.
Colony collapse disorder saved me a few cans of petrol.

[SUBMAN1]

Originally Posted by Hakahura

Well I won't bee signing it.

As someone who has had the misfortune of a next door neighbour having half a dozen hives in his garden for several years. I was quitely pleased when they all died off. 4 years of not being able to let my kids in the garden during summer months. Don't tell me that if you leave them alone they are harmless, different story when there's six hives the other side of your garden wall. *********g well chuffed when they all died and now it seems summer has started I can use my garden again.

Theres a place for these things and it wasn't the other side of my garden wall.
Not that the local authorities were prepared to do anything about it.
Colony collapse disorder saved me a few cans of petrol.

The irony in this post is almost unbearable!!! :p:p :rotfl: Bee's die, and you still can't use your garden because nothing will grow! Too funny! WHo's gonna pollinate it now?

Oh by the way, if you can't grow anything, how do you expect to eat? I hope you like the idea of starving since that is where you're headed. Imagine a world where you can't grow any food because bee's don't exist, and at the same time, you can't import any food because fuel prices are out of site? That is where you are headed. Its a major problem. It makes global warming or global cooling look like a walk in the park. No bees - you don't eat - period.

-S

[Hakahura]

Originally Posted by SUBMAN1

The irony in this post is almost unbearable!!! :p:p :rotfl: Bee's die, and you still can't use your garden because nothing will grow! Too funny! WHo's gonna pollinate it now?

Oh by the way, if you can't grow anything, how do you expect to eat? I hope you like the idea of starving since that is where you're headed. Imagine a world where you can't grow any food because bee's don't exist, and at the same time, you can't import any food because fuel prices are out of site? That is where you are headed. Its a major problem. It makes global warming or global cooling look like a walk in the park. No bees - you don't eat - period.

-S

I'm quite aware of the role bees play in pollination.
Just pleased I don't have to share my garden with 6 hives worth of them.
Oh and my lawn seems to be fine, I'm a lazy gardener, I don't grow things i just mow the lawn.
(You can't sit on a rose bush to drink your beer but the grass will do just fine).

[Jimbuna]

[quote=SUBMAN1]Here is one to add to the toilet paper jokes!

-S

quote]

Joe wanted to buy a motorbike. He doesn't have much luck until, one day, he comes across a Harley with a 'for sale' sign on it.

The bike seems even better than a new one, although it is 10 years old. It is shiny and in absolute mint condition.

He immediately buys it, and asks the seller how he kept it in such great condition for 10 years.

"Well, it's quite simple, really," says the seller, "whenever the bike is outside and it's going to rain, rub Vaseline on the chrome. It protects it from the rain." And he hands Joe a jar of Vaseline.

That night, his girlfriend, Sandra, invites him over to meet her parents. Naturally, they take the bike there. Just before they enter the house, Sandra stops him and says, "I have to tell you something about my family before we go in. When we eat dinner, we don't talk. In fact, the first person who says anything during dinner has to do the dishes."

"No problem," he says. And in they go.

Joe is shocked. Right smack in the middle of the living room is a huge stack of dirty dishes. In the kitchen is another huge stack of dishes. Piled up on the stairs, in the corridor, everywhere he looks, dirty dishes.

They sit down to dinner and, sure enough, no one says a word.

As dinner progresses, Joe decides to take advantage of the situation and leans over and kisses Sandra.

No one says a word.

So he reaches over and fondles her breasts.

Still, nobody says a word.

So he stands up, grabs her, rips her clothes off, throws her on the table, and screws her right there, in front of her parents.

His girlfriend is a little flustered, her dad is obviously livid, and her mom horrified when he sits back down, but no one says a word.

He looks at her mom. "She's got a great body," he thinks. So he grabs the mom, bends her over the dinner table, and has his way with her every which way right there on the dinner table. Now his girlfriend is furious and her dad is boiling, but still, total silence.

All of a sudden there is a loud clap of thunder and it starts to rain.

Joe remembers his bike, so he pulls the jar of Vaseline from his pocket. Suddenly the father backs away from the table and shouts, "All right, that's enough, I'll do the fecking dishes!"