U-555 (Story)

JokerOfFate · 09-15-10, 12:54 PM

While we were debating what sea creatures we are going fire two escorts spotted us and opened fire.
"Crash dive" I yelled
"We're already under water,sir" Said my Cheif
"Oh, then why are they shooting at us?" I asked
"You left the Periscope up,sir"
"Damage Report!" I snapped
"Here,sir" said one of my crew handing me a sheet of paper
It reads:
(P)=PROBLEM (S)=SOLUTION

(P) 1st torpedeo tube almost needs replacement
(S) Almost replaced 1st torpedeo tube

(P) Fuel tank seeping fluid
(S) Fuel tank seepage normal

(P) Something loose in compresser
(S) Something tightened in compresser

(P) Evidence of leak in toilet
(S) Evidence removed

(P) Hydrophone volume unbelievably loud
(S) Volume set to more believable level

(P) Radar inoperative
(S) Radar always inoperative in OFF mode

(P) Electric engine 3 missing
(S) Never actually was installed

(P) Boat handles funny
(S) Boat warned to straighten up and be serious!

(P) Radar hums
(S) Reprogrammed Radar with the lyrics

End of part 2

Any tips or help always welcome

JokerOfFate · 09-15-10, 02:56 PM

Winter 1941
"What do we do when it gets very cold and the water freezes." asks my Weapons officer
"You get out and push" I say
We are all freezing cold and in a bad mood.
"Ship spotted,sir" yells my Watch officer
"What kind of ship?" I ask
"A big one, sir" He replies
"Anything else?"
"It's odd looking"
"Ok, grab the manual and look up big odd looking ship" I say to the crew
They start looking and I go up to see what it is.
"You do known what this is?" I say
"No, sir" he replies
"It's an Iceberg!" I shout at him"or the allies have got new camo"
"Should we attack it?"
"Yes, now fetch the Chief's blow dryer" I cry.

End of Part 3
I'd like to know what you guys think, it's getting lonely on this topic

JEuler · 09-15-10, 03:42 PM

timmy41 · 09-15-10, 03:57 PM

The jokes are slapstick funny, which is enjoyable, but what happened between 2 and 3? Are they supposed to have continuity?

JokerOfFate · 09-15-10, 04:22 PM

Yes they are but it's further into the patrol

good to see someone enjoying it

Sorry but I'm a little rusty and never really had much practice

JokerOfFate · 09-15-10, 04:24 PM

"We've been out here for two months and so far all we've done is:
Dive to evade escorts
Dive to evade aircraft
Dive to evade Iceberg" I said sadly
"Well, at least we're not dead" said Zimmerman with a large grin on his face
Before I could reply my Watch Officer yells
"Warship spotted"
Everyone starts running around.
"Hold it" I shout
"Hold what,sir?" asks my Chief
Ignoring him I ask my Watch Officer what kind of ship it is.
"A big and odd looking one, sir" He replies
I go up onto the bridge and there it was...
"This is a Cargo ship!" I tell him "and it is unarmed how did you mistake this for a Warship?"
"Not true,sir" he boldly replies "look there, all those green guns"
"Those are tanks"I explain to him"It's a Cargo ship carrying tanks, now prepare to attack!"

End of part 4

JokerOfFate · 09-16-10, 04:41 PM

"Now onward to Victory" I cheer
"I don't know,sir" says my Navagator "Victory is not on the map"
"Nevermind then, what you got to do to get good help" I murmur
"Fire all" says my Weapons Officer
A few minutes later nothing
"Wow, that was disapointing" I say "The greatest idea ever, use all of your torpedeos at once"
"Where to now,sir?" Asks my Navagator
"Home" I answer
"I don't see home on the map either,sir" says my Navagator
"Home port!, Navagator, Home port!" I shout at him
"Well, sir, I don't see a-" I cut him off before he could finsh "I know!"
"Sir" Says my Chief "May I ask a question"
"Yes, as long as it's not the one about where babys come from" I say

End of part 5

Thread Tools
Show Printable Version Email this Page
Display Modes
Switch to Linear Mode Hybrid Mode Switch to Threaded Mode

09-15-10, 12:54 PM	#1
JokerOfFate Sonar Guy Join Date: Aug 2010 Posts: 387 Downloads: 7 Uploads: 0	While we were debating what sea creatures we are going fire two escorts spotted us and opened fire. "Crash dive" I yelled "We're already under water,sir" Said my Cheif "Oh, then why are they shooting at us?" I asked "You left the Periscope up,sir" "Damage Report!" I snapped "Here,sir" said one of my crew handing me a sheet of paper It reads: (P)=PROBLEM (S)=SOLUTION (P) 1st torpedeo tube almost needs replacement (S) Almost replaced 1st torpedeo tube (P) Fuel tank seeping fluid (S) Fuel tank seepage normal (P) Something loose in compresser (S) Something tightened in compresser (P) Evidence of leak in toilet (S) Evidence removed (P) Hydrophone volume unbelievably loud (S) Volume set to more believable level (P) Radar inoperative (S) Radar always inoperative in OFF mode (P) Electric engine 3 missing (S) Never actually was installed (P) Boat handles funny (S) Boat warned to straighten up and be serious! (P) Radar hums (S) Reprogrammed Radar with the lyrics End of part 2 Any tips or help always welcome

09-15-10, 02:56 PM	#2
JokerOfFate Sonar Guy Join Date: Aug 2010 Posts: 387 Downloads: 7 Uploads: 0	Winter 1941 "What do we do when it gets very cold and the water freezes." asks my Weapons officer "You get out and push" I say We are all freezing cold and in a bad mood. "Ship spotted,sir" yells my Watch officer "What kind of ship?" I ask "A big one, sir" He replies "Anything else?" "It's odd looking" "Ok, grab the manual and look up big odd looking ship" I say to the crew They start looking and I go up to see what it is. "You do known what this is?" I say "No, sir" he replies "It's an Iceberg!" I shout at him"or the allies have got new camo" "Should we attack it?" "Yes, now fetch the Chief's blow dryer" I cry. End of Part 3 I'd like to know what you guys think, it's getting lonely on this topic

09-15-10, 03:42 PM	#3
JEuler Mate Join Date: Aug 2009 Posts: 54 Downloads: 54 Uploads: 0

09-15-10, 03:57 PM	#4
timmy41 Weps Join Date: Mar 2010 Posts: 367 Downloads: 9 Uploads: 0	The jokes are slapstick funny, which is enjoyable, but what happened between 2 and 3? Are they supposed to have continuity?

09-15-10, 04:22 PM	#5
JokerOfFate Sonar Guy Join Date: Aug 2010 Posts: 387 Downloads: 7 Uploads: 0	Yes they are but it's further into the patrol good to see someone enjoying it Sorry but I'm a little rusty and never really had much practice

09-15-10, 04:24 PM	#6
JokerOfFate Sonar Guy Join Date: Aug 2010 Posts: 387 Downloads: 7 Uploads: 0	"We've been out here for two months and so far all we've done is: Dive to evade escorts Dive to evade aircraft Dive to evade Iceberg" I said sadly "Well, at least we're not dead" said Zimmerman with a large grin on his face Before I could reply my Watch Officer yells "Warship spotted" Everyone starts running around. "Hold it" I shout "Hold what,sir?" asks my Chief Ignoring him I ask my Watch Officer what kind of ship it is. "A big and odd looking one, sir" He replies I go up onto the bridge and there it was... "This is a Cargo ship!" I tell him "and it is unarmed how did you mistake this for a Warship?" "Not true,sir" he boldly replies "look there, all those green guns" "Those are tanks"I explain to him"It's a Cargo ship carrying tanks, now prepare to attack!" End of part 4

09-16-10, 04:41 PM	#7
JokerOfFate Sonar Guy Join Date: Aug 2010 Posts: 387 Downloads: 7 Uploads: 0	"Now onward to Victory" I cheer "I don't know,sir" says my Navagator "Victory is not on the map" "Nevermind then, what you got to do to get good help" I murmur "Fire all" says my Weapons Officer A few minutes later nothing "Wow, that was disapointing" I say "The greatest idea ever, use all of your torpedeos at once" "Where to now,sir?" Asks my Navagator "Home" I answer "I don't see home on the map either,sir" says my Navagator "Home port!, Navagator, Home port!" I shout at him "Well, sir, I don't see a-" I cut him off before he could finsh "I know!" "Sir" Says my Chief "May I ask a question" "Yes, as long as it's not the one about where babys come from" I say End of part 5