2010 Subsim Fantasy Football Reports

[Gut Wrench]

STUNNED.
Dragons Slayed, Nighthawks Soars.


Week One and the race to the Subsim Torpedo Bowl has brought about...stunning results. Last year, scoring 100 points would normally guarantee a win, but after week one, it looks as though 85 points will get you a W. Stunning.

Two time defending Torpedo Bowl Champions, the Dragons, have been stunned by one of the international teams. Coming from dead last after the Thursday night game, the Australian Taipans have shocked the Dragons, who scored the lowest number of points for all teams in the week. After the game, Coach Rick said "OI, it's week one, talk to me in week 16," before using a taser to stun his team onto the bus.

The Taipans weren't the only international team to win. Canadian based The Really Ded Poets accounted for the Wild Boston Terriers (of Oregon) 114-87, while the Helmand Nighthawks showed exactly why they are the favorite to win the championship, stunning the South West Rockets in their first game with a record 136 - 49 win. Welcome to Fantasy Football Janeva.

The stunning player selection of the week was Broncolo's and Green Beans game. The Broncolo's started Vincent Jackson (suspended) while the Beans started two Saints players and the Viking defense, both teams which played each other. Had the Beans taken even a lackluster defense, say, The Chiefs, they may not have lost to the Broncolo's 82.36 - 67.74

The stunning win award however came down to the final minute of the San Diego/Kansas game. The BP Badasses were crying out for one more Bowe reception to counter Phillip Rivers, the hard charging QB of Mookie's Show Me Your TD's. The game hung in the balance until Rivers 4th and goal faux pau with 39 seconds to go. Final score, Badasses 81.81 Show Me Your TD's 80.91. Winning margin: .9pts. Stunning.

Each week, the Associated Subsim Writers (ASW) will nominated their Most Valuable Torpedo (MVT) of the week, the single player who proved decisive in their teams performance.

In another high scoring thumping, the Mudville Nine welcomed the final debut football team, the Takky Glue to the Torpedo Bowl with a big 121-73 win. For a huge effort of 373 yards, 2 TD's and 22 yards rushing the Associated Subsim Writers are pleased to present Jay Cutler of the Mudville Nine, the Week One MVT.

[mookiemookie]

Originally Posted by Gut Wrench

Final score, Badasses 81.81 Show Me Your TD's 80.91. Winning margin: .9pts. Stunning.

Heartbreaking, I say!



EDIT: Corrected.

[Gut Wrench]

A BADASS WEEK TWO.
...but don't show me your 1 pointers.

This report comes live from Candlestick Park.

Week Two in the race to the Subsim Torpedo Bowl, and we needed the results of Monday night to work out most of the winners and losers this week.

The defending champions, the Dragons, after being bitten in Week 1, toppled league leaders, the Helmand Nighthawks. After scoring 98 points through Sunday afternoon, the Dragons had to hold their breath and wait to see how good the Colts defense was. The younger Manning's touchdown pass to Manningham assured the Colts defense would only score 19 points, and let the Dragons beat the Bowl favorites, the Nighthawks 98-89.

The same pass had implications in 3 other games. The Mudville Nine (1-0) fielded the Giants defense against the Green Beans, but the Beans would still need their QB Drew Brees two passing TD's to put the Mudville away 90-83.

The Ded Poets (1-0) had scored 84 points even before the Sunday afternoon games got underway, but, they still had to wait for the BP Badasses, who earlier in the week had dropped Pierre Thomas. Apparently, the boys in the locker room had decided his ass was not bad enough, and sent the pretty boy packing. The Badasses relied on both Eli Manning and the 49ers defense to eventually score a narrow ass win 85.87 - 84.23 over the Poets.

Not close enough? For the second time this season, Show Me Your TD's has had another heart breaking loss. Last week it was .9 points, this week the Reapers edged past to win by 1.09 points. Even with Phillip Rivers throwing for 334 yards, Coach Mookie was quick to point out "We're the best damm 0-2 team in the league."

Although only two weeks into the season, eyes are now looking at the Broncolo's, who tussled the whole way with the Wild Boston Terrier...until Frank Gore rushed for 112 yards and 7 receptions. The Broncolo's and the Badasses sit atop the Sub Simmers division, while in the surface skimmers, both Every Given Sunday and the Australian Taipans are a game clear of the Nighthawks and the Dragons.

Each week, the Associated Subsim Writers (ASW) will nominated their Most Valuable Torpedo (MVT) of the week, the single player who proved decisive in their teams performance.

In Week Two, there were several candidates, including Javid Best rushing for 78yards and 9 receptions. In a marginal choice however, for his effort of 499 yards and 3 passing TD's, the Associated Subsim Writers are pleased to present Matt Schaub of the Australian Taipans, the Week Two MVT.

[Aramike]

No love for Every Given Sunday, the week's point leader. Just sayin'.

[mookiemookie]

Originally Posted by Gut Wrench

...but don't show me your 1 pointers.

Stealin' this for my new team slogan.

[Gut Wrench]

BRONCOLO'S AND BADASSES MOON THE FIELD.
....in an ugly ass week.


It only took three weeks to create a logjam, but the Broncolo's and The Badasses can breathe easy, one game clear as an intense squabble goes on behind them.

One week after complaining about "not getting enough love" for leading the championship, Coach Mike of "Every Given Sunday" bore the brunt of the Badass assault, leaving a bad smell behind as they won 128 - 78.

The other sore ass before this week started was Coach Mookie. Beaten down in the first two weeks of the season by less than a point, there was partial redemption for him this weekend as he showed that he could loose by larger margins, the Green Beans smacking him 111-101.

The 1-1 Reapers, continue to be a "boogie" for the second year against the Taipans, thumping them 120 - 45. Not even the Reapers expected to spank the Taipans ass, as they heavily backed the opposition at Neal's Pearland Casino. "We expected to be rich losers, not broke winners."

After fleeing across the country, Coach McBee decided to start WR Pierre Garcon, even though McBee left him at the Wild Boston Terriers clubhouse. "So rip me a new ass," McBee answered to the media during the game. And the Mudville Nine did 98-91, and dropping the Terriers to 0-3.

In the thriller of the weekend, the 2-0 Broncolo's took on the 1-1 Ded Poets. The Broncolo's had 112 points by Sunday night but had to wait out until the Ded Poets RB Matt Forte, and WR Greg Jennings and Johnny Knox finished penalizing each other at Soldier Field, before winning by 15 yards....I mean points.

After surprise loses in earlier rounds, both the Dragons and the Nighthawks posted 30 point wins respectively over the South West Rockets and the Takky Glue. In so doing, the Dragons and Nighthawks created a five way tie within the Surface Skimmers division. With two more from teams from the Sub Simmers division also 2-1, it's getting crowded approaching quarter way through the season. However, the feature game next week will be the battle of undefeated, when the Brocolo's host the Badasses.

Each week, the Associated Subsim Writers (ASW) will nominated their Most Valuable Torpedo (MVT) of the week, the single player who proved decisive in their teams performance.

In Week Three, it was hard to go past 160 rushing yards, 2 rushing TD's and 5 receptions for 30 yards as an outstanding performance. The Associated Subsim Writers are pleased to present Adrian Peterson of the BP Badasses, the Week Three MVT.

[mookiemookie]

We're still the best damn 0-3 team in the league!

[Chad]

Poor man..

I'm surprised it was such a close game for us given the predictions.. And yet, you still could of owned up on me by starting one of your backups, and you had 2!!

Poor poor mookie

[mookiemookie]

This is an actual photo of the Yahoo fantasy football committee meeting where they come up with those point predictions:

[Gut Wrench]

BADASSES CRACK ONE
Field sniffing from one behind.


Week four in the race to the Subsim Torpedo Bowl and there remains only one team undefeated, two yet to get their first win, and a whole heap of football left to decide the balance of the games.

But the big talk this week was the word "Bye". Bye bye to points, and there were a lot of teams playing their bye players. The Broncolo's started Thomas Jones and Kellen Winslow (Bye), the Green beans started Ryan Succop (another bye), plus you also have a slew of other teams who had players that may as well been scheduled for the bye - they did nothing. Including: Randy Moss (Show me Your TD's), Mario Manningham, Julian Edelman and the Bills Defense (scoring -4) of the Green Beans, Andre Johnson (Dragons) and Mike Sims Walker and Darren Sproles (minus score as well) for the Taipans.

And just quietly, several coaches are complaining about the lack of scoring TD's by their starters.

Not Coach McBee though, getting his first win of the season against the 107-49. "At 1-3 we're still a chance," he reported at the post game media conference. Across the country even Coach Rick of the Dragons was still upbeat about 2-2, losing out to Every Given Sunday 104-92. The Dragons sit with four other teams at 2-2 looking ahead at the 3-1 teams.

Worth talking about was Coach Mookie breaking the one point hoodoo...getting thumped by the Mudville Nine 102-65. "We got so sick of loosing by one," Mookie reported. "That we just wanted to see if we could loose by a lot." 48 points...that was almost the total points score of the Green Beans.

So as we head into the second quarter of the year, The Badasses stand tall as the red hot burning team to beat. One game back, the Broncolo's, Helmand Nighthawks, a surprise entry by Every Given Sunday and the Mudville Nine are locked at 3-1.

Each week, the Associated Subsim Writers (ASW) will nominated their Most Valuable Torpedo (MVT) of the week, the single player who proved decisive in their teams performance.

In Week Four, it was one of the teams getting their first win of the year, and done in such decisive fashion. 2 sacks, 4 interceptions, 2 defensive touchdown, and 2 blocked kicks, The Associated Subsim Writers are pleased to present the New England Patriots Defense of the Takky Glue, the Week Four MVT.

[mookiemookie]

Winless season possible! Whee!

When do we start being described as "hapless?"

[Gut Wrench]

MOOKIE GETS ONE
...and there's trouble in another cell phone.


Week five in the race to the Subsim Torpedo Bowl and there remains only two contenders to the football immortals; the 1972 Dolphins...and the 2008 Lions.

The fans came out in force to see the best damm 0-4 team in the league, Show Me Your TD's shock one of league leading teams and finally move off the bottom rung of the ladder and advance to 1-4. "As hard as it may be," Coach Mookie proclaimed at the after party function at the Republican Convention Stripper headquarters, "we are still in the hunt for the post season."

How anyone can be in the hunt for the post season when their starters fail to score, or indeed, score negatively, is amazing. Once again, this week, we had players out on the paddock pretending to be goal posts. Greg Olsen (Dragons), Jermichael Finley (Reapers) Mario Manningham (Green Beans) and Steve Smith (Mudville Nine).

Having said that, the Rams Defense scored a total of -3 for the Takky Glue, but that didn't stop them from compiling the second biggest upset of the weekend, downing the front running Every Given Sunday 94 - 74.

After getting a much needed win last week, the Wild Boston terriers were heavy favorites against the Helmand Nighthawks. Through a week of multiple positional changes and one trade, Mr. Chris was able to smear the Terriers with a convincing 111-69 win, moving the Nighthawks to 4-1 to lead the Surface Skimmers division.

Year after year, people talk about the "immortal" teams, the two teams by which all others are held accountable. The 72 Dolphins have yet to pop the champagne as the BP Badasses didn't even need to start Monday night to beat the Mudville Nine 125 - 101. The other team, the 2008 Detroit players are now looking at only one team, as the South West Rockets fall to 0-5. In the "family feud" edition of the league, father Pioneer sent daughter #3 to the lions despite her best score of the year, 143 - 104.

Like all good leagues, the use of cell phones has been brought into question, yet again. The Associated Subsim Writers have learned that at least three coaches have been embroiled in a scandal involving racy pictures. None of the coaches have been identified, but the sender of the racy pics has gone public....because no one else will. The ASW has found the woman at the center of the scandal, sending pics of herself to coaches. More details as they unfold throughout the season.

Each week, the Associated Subsim Writers (ASW) will nominated their Most Valuable Torpedo (MVT) of the week, the single player who proved decisive in their teams performance.

In Week Five, it was a dynamic performance of 166 yards, 2 TD's and 2 receptions for an additional 23 yards, which stood out, winning in the most lop sided game of the week, 150-58. The Associated Subsim Writers are pleased to present the running back Matt Forte of the Really Ded Poets, the Week Five MVT.

[Aramike]

"As hard as it may be," Coach Mookie proclaimed at the after party function at the Republican Convention Stripper headquarters, "we are still in the hunt for the post season."

Nicely done.

[mookiemookie]

Originally Posted by Gut Wrench

"As hard as it may be," Coach Mookie proclaimed at the after party function at the Republican Convention Stripper headquarters, "we are still in the hunt for the post season."

We were having a Tea Party of our own.

[Gut Wrench]

PIVOTAL SUCCESS
...and for some, failure.


Some people will do anything to stop the Press reporting the fantasy football league, even if it means infecting the Subsim website with supposed malware. Mark my word, when we get to the end of the regular season, coaches are going to look back and point to Week Six as pivotal to their success...or failure.

Let's starts with the Immortals...the 2008 Lions are popping the champagne as the youngest coach in the league gets her first W, edging the Reapers 73-70. "Good thing everyone thought Calvin Johnson was ill, otherwise he might have had a great day," Coach Janeva said at her first press conference....which she had to be escorted into after security locked her out not knowing who she was. The win drops the Reapers two games back as they head into the "hard" part of their season.

The other immortal team, the 72 Dolphins are still chilling their champagne, but it didn't come without a fright. The BP Badasses were favorites by twenty points, but, the decider was James Jones of the Wild Boston Terriers who scored nothing, leaving the Terriers .62 short, losing 98.56 - 98.14. Coach McBee at the post-game conference commented on Jones, "Son of a bitch," which on his team, is actually true.

Defending Torpedo Bowl champions the Dragons, with two starters who failed to scored for the second week, fall to 3-3 to the Takky Glue 81.45 - 77.20. The Glue managed to equal the Dragons .500% record but leap a half game ahead by divisional wins.

The most surprising of the Surface Skimmers divisional games was the brutal thumping by Every Given Sunday of the Helmand Nighthawks. In a dejavu from last season, EGS once again knocked off the league leaders, 120 - 88. The win puts both in a three way 4-2 battle. The third team, the Australian Taipans, were lucky to get away with the Green Beans playing Chad Ochocinco (on a bye) and win 92-78.

One of two emerging teams out of this week is the Ded Poets. Big scorers last year, the Poets have quietly advance to 4-2, convincing winners against Mookie and TD's 89 - 69. The Poets advance to a share of second place in the Sub Simmers division, trailing the perfect asses by 2 cheeky games.

The other team, the Broncolo's with their second round pick Peyton Manning, racked up a 111 score against the Mudville Nine. Even though the Nine had Mike Thomas playing on Monday night, once the game become lopsided, the Nine just ran out of time for Thomas to catch enough points.

So as we head into week seven, The Bp Badasses hold a two game lead over everybody, and are potentially just two games away from a guaranteed post season spot. At 4-2 five teams are all tied up, and at 3-3 a trio lay in contention still...but need to get the lead out.

Each week, the Associated Subsim Writers (ASW) will nominated their Most Valuable Torpedo (MVT) of the week, the single player who proved decisive in their teams performance.

In Week Six, it's hard to overlook the injury which helped a team to their first win. For the effort of 5 receptions for 146 yards and 2 TD's, the Associated Subsim Writers are pleased to present wide receiver Calvin Johnson of the South West Rockets, the Week Six MVT.