Well that sucks!

[UnderseaLcpl]

Wow. I'm sorry about all that, Freiwillige. It just plain sucks.

Originally Posted by Freiwillige

So now I am in this awkward situation. My heart says I love her, My brain says throw her out. She says she doesn't know what she wants and that she was not really happy.

She lies. What she is really saying is that she isn't happy and hasn't found what she wants yet, but she'd like you to support her until she can figure out a way to leave you in the dust.

This is not a failure on your part. It happens all the time in relationships where one person isn't ready or makes a hasty commitment because they are insecure and/or co-dependant. Both men and women seem to have this problem, but in my experience women are much worse about it. I've seen a lot of bad men in my life but even the worst have yet to match the cruelty that some women I have met have demonstrated. This one guy in my platoon had his wife leave him and take everything he owned while he was in Iraq. How f'ed up is that!?

Stand up on your own two feet, and get back in the game if you still want to play. I don't know you personally, but it is clear that you are an intelligent and well-spoken guy. I have little doubt that you will have much difficulty in finding someone else. There are a lot of women out there who would give anything for a guy like you, assuming that you're not without any kind of physical appeal.

I had both of my female roommates look at some of your posts, and both said they'd like to meet you. How I'm going to explain that you can't make a date is something else again, but the study confirms that your personality alone, even within this limited medium, has some appeal.

Kick that b*** to the curb and find someone who really appreciates you for who you are. Your personal worth is not dependant upon what some obviously unfaithful chick thinks of you. You can do better than that.

Whatever your decision, I wish you good luck, my friend.

[Freiwillige]

Final update to this story. She packed up and is gone. I did my best to convince her that 2 and 1/2 years of what most would consider a perfect relationship is too much to throw away for this guy she's known two weeks and has only talked to her for 4 days. She cried, I cried it was hell and still it seems so sureal. Our room looks so empty now.

I caught her in her final lie. I asked her if she was talking to him, She said no. I found a text in her phone that she sent at work last night at 3:00 am to him asking if he was still awake or if he had fallen asleap on her. She deleted all other corisponding texts with him. I told her that all trust is shot and that it would be good if she moved out. We talked a bit and asked her if this was what she really wanted. She was crying and couldn't give me an answer. I asked her to stop talking to him but if she couldn't I could no longer continue trying to save the relationship. She said she could not stop talking to him and that she was confused and that she loved me so much but.......I told her that I loved her and that she should try out a relationship with him because as much as it hurts me I can no longer be there for her. I told her that she was making a huge mistake but I love you enough to let you go and live out that mistake. So after all the sobbing we went to the corner bar and had a few beers and chatted.

I think the both of us were in denial but after words I walked her to her car and we both lost it and I am nnot ashamed to admit that I broke down and cried my ass off in front of her and she broke down too and started hugging me and I pushed her away and told her I had to go. She begged me to stay but whats done is done and I figured why hang around in a. miserable moment.

I beleive everything happens for a reason and I am not really bitter at her just hurt. I understand since she is so much younger than myself that maybe she has not felt like she has lived her youth. Still I cant help but hurt. I lost my lover, I lost my best friend.

Thanks guys for all your support.

[GoldenRivet]

Originally Posted by Freiwillige

She says she doesn't know what she wants and that she was not really happy.

Unfortunately my friend... you have everything you need to know right there.

It can be painful to let go, but this is probably something you simply have to do. The seed of mistrust is planted, and it will grow a massive weed in the garden of your relationship... no matter how hard you try to pluck it out and be done with it, you likely wont be able to.

The questions you will ask yourself every night she is 30 minutes late coming home, the nagging feeling you will feel as you wonder where she really is or what is she really doing?

it is unpleasant to have such feelings to say the least.

but one thing would have sealed the deal for me for sure and thats her remark that... "I dont really know what i want, and im unhappy"

red flag

if you both dont want something relatively close to the same thing - it just wont work period and the cheating behavior was bound to happen sooner or later with her feeling this way.

Just be glad you dont have a child or two together.

so my recommendation, as hard of a suppository as this will be to shove up your ass...

Let her go find out what it is that she wants and move on.

[TarJak]

Originally Posted by Freiwillige

Final update to this story. She packed up and is gone. I did my best to convince her that 2 and 1/2 years of what most would consider a perfect relationship is too much to throw away for this guy she's known two weeks and has only talked to her for 4 days. She cried, I cried it was hell and still it seems so sureal. Our room looks so empty now.

I caught her in her final lie. I asked her if she was talking to him, She said no. I found a text in her phone that she sent at work last night at 3:00 am to him asking if he was still awake or if he had fallen asleap on her. She deleted all other corisponding texts with him. I told her that all trust is shot and that it would be good if she moved out. We talked a bit and asked her if this was what she really wanted. She was crying and couldn't give me an answer. I asked her to stop talking to him but if she couldn't I could no longer continue trying to save the relationship. She said she could not stop talking to him and that she was confused and that she loved me so much but.......I told her that I loved her and that she should try out a relationship with him because as much as it hurts me I can no longer be there for her. I told her that she was making a huge mistake but I love you enough to let you go and live out that mistake. So after all the sobbing we went to the corner bar and had a few beers and chatted.

I think the both of us were in denial but after words I walked her to her car and we both lost it and I am nnot ashamed to admit that I broke down and cried my ass off in front of her and she broke down too and started hugging me and I pushed her away and told her I had to go. She begged me to stay but whats done is done and I figured why hang around in a. miserable moment.

I beleive everything happens for a reason and I am not really bitter at her just hurt. I understand since she is so much younger than myself that maybe she has not felt like she has lived her youth. Still I cant help but hurt. I lost my lover, I lost my best friend.

Thanks guys for all your support.

Good call. It will hurt for a while but in the end I think you'll find that you've made the right decision.

[Skybird]

Given the already bad circumstances, it's the best outcome that now was still possible: a clear cut, a fast-coming end with grievance - which is better than grievance without end.

It sounds like a cliché, but there is truth in what they say: that time heals wounds.

For the time beeing, your mind must be occupied with what just has happened, and you must feel the suffering. That's the way things are, that's part of your human nature. But you' ll get over it, and from now on your wellbeing can just improve: maybe slowly, maybe faster than you now can imagine. Time will tell.

Heads up!

[UnderseaLcpl]

I am very sorry for what you had to go through, Frei. It's probably going to sting for quite a while yet, and there is little you can do about that other than grin and bear it and try to move on.

In the meantime, look on the bright side; you're single and you're a gamer/submarine nerd with a whole internets' worth of friends. Now, I know what you're thinking-"that sounds completely lame and would in no way cheer me up" but that's where you're wrong. As it turns out, women love both gamers and submarine nerds. I know this because my roommates often watch me play GWX and SH5, and then leave the room holding their sides and giggling . For those of you not familiar with the ways of women, that's called a "female orgasm" and it usually happens in the bedroom. Yep...... they just love the way I shout helm commands at my computer in German.

It'll take time to get over the loss of your girlfriend, but with the typical subsimmer's appeal you'll be loading some beautiful broad's stern tubes in no time. And then you can work on finding another woman.

[Freiwillige]

Thanks guys for all the support. I may not know any of you face to face but I have gotten to know many of your personality's and I call all of you friends. Its tough for sure and I have downed many a beer tonight. What makes it harder is that she is still in communications with me on face book telling me how hard it is for her blah blah blah. I just told her what I know in my heart to be true. She's making a ginormous mistake and she is going to realise sooner than later that when her new shiny boy toys appeal wears off that she will be missing the closeness that we shared.

But I have a great group of roudy friends that will have no problem holding my country boy ass up to a bar stool and making me live the single life till it kills me.

It hurts unbearably but I have survived this long and it wont be long before I let go and Cowboy up!

[HunterICX]

Take good care of yourself Frei,

good to hear you got some friends that hold you up

HunterICX

[Freiwillige]

I always like to put a face to a story so I will share these with you and you all can understand my loss

[Jimbuna]

Time is a great healer Frei....SINK EM ALL!!

[Skybird]

BTW, Frei, to distract you from your current situation a bit and come back to the real important topics of forum life - how have you come to your avatar name?

"Freiwillige" without an "r" at the end would either mean you refer to yourself in plural, or you like to irritate people by making them believe you are female.

Maybe you want to add an "r" so that it is "Freiwilliger" , which would be the correct form for male, singular.

The hidden trapdoors of German language. Yeah I'm a smartass, I know.

[Freiwillige]

I thought it meant volunteer.

[Skybird]

Originally Posted by Freiwillige

I thought it meant volunteer.

It does. Just the grammar is wrong.

"I am a volunteer" is the same for boys and girls in English, but not in German.

In German, girls "say "Ich bin eine Freiwillige", boys say "Ich bin ein Freiwilliger" . Both cases in singular. In Plural, it always is "Freiwillige".

We make a difference between he-volunteers and she-volunteers.

[Foxtrot]

I am sorry to hear this. Though such thing never happened with me but I have seen these unfortunate sad endings many times. She is embraced because she was caught. Who knows for how long this was going on?

The funniest thing is that she (kinda) blamed everything on "happiness" when she was caught in act. Well, it is true that if a guy cheats, he is a dog. But if a woman cheats, it is about feeling and romance.

Time is bad for you, and it will take sometime for you to move on. The best thing is to have good contacts with friends, enjoy hobbies that you like, and of course join the gym. Perhaps a good time to learn semen retention?

There is plenty of fish in the pound, and I am sure you'll meet someone who is worth of your companionship.

All the best

[GoldenRivet]

Originally Posted by Foxtrot

Well, it is true that if a guy cheats, he is a dog. But if a woman cheats, it is about feeling and romance.

interesting.

im borrowing that