Official Eurogamer Review!!!

Cap'n Blake · 03-10-10, 10:55 AM

"Sexual tension as men rub past one another in corridors"
"phallic sea monster"
"God-groan of your penile vessel being warped by unknowable pressure"

I mean what the hell was that all about? I once had an impression that Eurogamer was quality review site...but obviously that was a long time ago.

oscar19681 · 03-10-10, 10:57 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Cap'n Blake

"Sexual tension as men rub past one another in corridors"
"phallic sea monster"
"God-groan of your penile vessel being warped by unknowable pressure"

I mean what the hell was that all about? I once had an impression that Eurogamer was quality review site...but obviously that was a long time ago.

The first line sounds like its coming from some kind of gay magazine or somehing

kylania · 03-10-10, 11:15 AM

I dunno, that was a pretty childish and vague review. The first two pages seem like nothing more than a generic forum rant. Hint at a lot of things, complain about a lot of things, but never really offer and specifics. Most of his first page is nothing more than a flowery setup for a stupid "bugs are difficulty setting" joke.

Page 3 adds in some real concerns, but i really get the sense he only played the tutorial and perhaps the first mission. His expectations for the tutorial are way more than any game tutorial would include. No game I've seen has in game interactive tutorials for everything like "emergency maneuvers" and "hunting tactics". It also shouldn't take 5 hours to do the first mission however unless you're totally new and have no idea what you're doing. (or you suck with torpedoes like I do!) It's also plainly obvious that he didn't progress in the campaign at all. His one description of combat is from a very early battle. Reports from people here that actually played the game confirm that as you progress the AI gets far smarter and more dangerous.

It looks to me like this guy just took a cursory glance at best, (the level of detail in his review could have been picked up just by skimming posts here) met a few bugs and decided to make a gay-joke-filled troll about it and call it a "review". Just like you can't review an MMO with only a few hours of play you can't review a game like Silent Hunter 5 with only a mission or two's worth of gameplay.

AVGWarhawk · 03-10-10, 10:58 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Cap'n Blake

"Sexual tension as men rub past one another in corridors"
"phallic sea monster"
"God-groan of your penile vessel being warped by unknowable pressure"

I mean what the hell was that all about? I once had an impression that Eurogamer was quality review site...but obviously that was a long time ago.

Exactly. I just breezed over the rest after reading this in the first friggin page. This is not necessary in a 'professional' review.....

JamesT73J · 03-10-10, 11:03 AM

It's actually a pretty fair review. I hope they come back and look at things again in 6 months.

Pilot37 · 03-10-10, 01:25 PM

FAIR?

The only people being unfair are Ubisoft. On the few occassions I have time to play I cannot get on the server -5 points, that makes the score Zero.

Remove DRM, score up to 5. Fix bugs, Score up to 8.

Easy

Just do it.

Preferably before you con people out of their hard earned money.

The CEO Mr Yves Guillemott should be ashamed. He is ultimately responsible. Guess that means he doesn't give a ****

Fair?

Nordmann · 03-10-10, 06:50 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by JamesT73J

It's actually a pretty fair review. I hope they come back and look at things again in 6 months.

Agreed. Despite the unnecessary attempt at sexual innuendo, the review made some very good points. Ubi have obviously got a lot of work ahead of them, to get this game to where it needs to be! That is assuming of course, they will continue to support it past the first two or three patches.

Mud · 03-10-10, 06:58 PM

I´ll take that guy is not really a sim reviewer and maybe he has some good points, he is not a benchmark for me.

http://www.eurogamer.net/archive.php?author=178

Mud

Iron Budokan · 03-10-10, 11:13 AM

The reviewer's attempt at high school sexual humor are pretty much fail.

But the review of the game itself, the myriad problems he brings out, sound comparable to what I've been hearing on this board.

gimpy117 · 03-10-10, 11:23 AM

I agree. I'm glad he acknowledges that undoubtedly the game will be patched (and fixed by us

) but I think the reason its "a childish and vague review" is because its frankly a vague game. it's like Silent hunter 4 boiled down to a point where most of the features that were key to the success of your mission are gone. I mean hell i cant even dive deep without worrying im gonna hit bottom because there's no depth under keel!

janh · 03-10-10, 12:35 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Iron Budokan

The reviewer's attempt at high school sexual humor are pretty much fail.

But the review of the game itself, the myriad problems he brings out, sound comparable to what I've been hearing on this board.

It's not high school humor. Have you ever talked to an art historian interpreting and explain a painting? Take Piccasso and his Minotaurus, for example... It is very interesting to see how Piccasso compensated his sexual problems by painting himself over and over again.

janh · 03-10-10, 12:46 PM

Oh, it is actually not a bad review, not at all. Sure, I'd like a review that describes each campaign and possible outcome to the least detail, and each feature a player might encounter in his lifetime in SHV, to get the full overview. But what can you really expect?

The reviewer does make some new points, indeed. Are there really no crew casualties and replacements? I can't remember how many crew members I had wounded and dead at the Flak and Deckgeschütz, in SHIII. That would be another bummer, needs to be added by whomever.

AVGWarhawk · 03-10-10, 12:47 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by janh

It's not high school humor. Have you ever talked to an art historian interpreting and explain a painting? Take Piccasso and his Minotaurus, for example... It is very interesting to see how Piccasso compensated his sexual problems by painting himself over and over again.

This guy only played a game. What does that have to do with Piccasso

H-street · 03-10-10, 01:00 PM

what a horrible review,

nothing at all about how the campaign goes beyond a couple of sentences

reading this review it's clear its nothing more than a rant review and its clear he didn't play it behind the first 2 missions. Most his review is filled with fluff rant filler.

not saying his points aren't valid, but definately not a review that anyone here couldn't have done.

Buckster · 03-10-10, 01:03 PM

I sort of agree with the review although I'd possibly move up to a 6

I found myself last night playing SH5 and actually wondering whether I should play a patched SH4 instead

just too many bugs IMO

03-10-10, 11:15 AM	#3
kylania Silent Hunter Join Date: Aug 2006 Posts: 3,528 Downloads: 118 Uploads: 0	I dunno, that was a pretty childish and vague review. The first two pages seem like nothing more than a generic forum rant. Hint at a lot of things, complain about a lot of things, but never really offer and specifics. Most of his first page is nothing more than a flowery setup for a stupid "bugs are difficulty setting" joke. Page 3 adds in some real concerns, but i really get the sense he only played the tutorial and perhaps the first mission. His expectations for the tutorial are way more than any game tutorial would include. No game I've seen has in game interactive tutorials for everything like "emergency maneuvers" and "hunting tactics". It also shouldn't take 5 hours to do the first mission however unless you're totally new and have no idea what you're doing. (or you suck with torpedoes like I do!) It's also plainly obvious that he didn't progress in the campaign at all. His one description of combat is from a very early battle. Reports from people here that actually played the game confirm that as you progress the AI gets far smarter and more dangerous. It looks to me like this guy just took a cursory glance at best, (the level of detail in his review could have been picked up just by skimming posts here) met a few bugs and decided to make a gay-joke-filled troll about it and call it a "review". Just like you can't review an MMO with only a few hours of play you can't review a game like Silent Hunter 5 with only a mission or two's worth of gameplay. __________________

03-10-10, 11:03 AM	#5
JamesT73J Medic Join Date: Jan 2002 Location: United Kingdom Posts: 167 Downloads: 9 Uploads: 0	It's actually a pretty fair review. I hope they come back and look at things again in 6 months. __________________ "My advice - buy the damn game and play the arse off it. It's not all there yet but it's still a damn good game, and we all know it'll be even better once the community is done crawling all over it." User 'Sideways' 08th March 2010.

03-10-10, 06:58 PM	#8
Mud Captain Join Date: Mar 2005 Posts: 541 Downloads: 50 Uploads: 0	I´ll take that guy is not really a sim reviewer and maybe he has some good points, he is not a benchmark for me. http://www.eurogamer.net/archive.php?author=178 Mud __________________

03-10-10, 11:13 AM	#9
Iron Budokan Sea Lord Join Date: Dec 2006 Location: Texas Posts: 1,778 Downloads: 32 Uploads: 0	The reviewer's attempt at high school sexual humor are pretty much fail. But the review of the game itself, the myriad problems he brings out, sound comparable to what I've been hearing on this board. __________________ "You will take on England wherever you find her ships, and you will break her power at sea." --Iron Coffins, Herbert A. Werner http://kennethmarkhoover.com

03-10-10, 11:23 AM	#10
gimpy117 Ocean Warrior Join Date: Jul 2007 Location: Kalamazoo, MI Posts: 3,243 Downloads: 108 Uploads: 0	I agree. I'm glad he acknowledges that undoubtedly the game will be patched (and fixed by us ) but I think the reason its "a childish and vague review" is because its frankly a vague game. it's like Silent hunter 4 boiled down to a point where most of the features that were key to the success of your mission are gone. I mean hell i cant even dive deep without worrying im gonna hit bottom because there's no depth under keel! __________________ Member of the Subsim Zombie Army

03-10-10, 10:55 AM	#1
Cap'n Blake Watch Join Date: Feb 2005 Location: Finland Posts: 21 Downloads: 4 Uploads: 0	"Sexual tension as men rub past one another in corridors" "phallic sea monster" "God-groan of your penile vessel being warped by unknowable pressure" I mean what the hell was that all about? I once had an impression that Eurogamer was quality review site...but obviously that was a long time ago.

03-10-10, 01:25 PM	#6
Pilot37 Swabbie Join Date: Mar 2010 Posts: 12 Downloads: 25 Uploads: 0	FAIR? The only people being unfair are Ubisoft. On the few occassions I have time to play I cannot get on the server -5 points, that makes the score Zero. Remove DRM, score up to 5. Fix bugs, Score up to 8. Easy Just do it. Preferably before you con people out of their hard earned money. The CEO Mr Yves Guillemott should be ashamed. He is ultimately responsible. Guess that means he doesn't give a **** Fair?

03-10-10, 12:46 PM	#12
janh Stinking drunk in Trinidad Join Date: Jan 2010 Posts: 349 Downloads: 0 Uploads: 0	Oh, it is actually not a bad review, not at all. Sure, I'd like a review that describes each campaign and possible outcome to the least detail, and each feature a player might encounter in his lifetime in SHV, to get the full overview. But what can you really expect? The reviewer does make some new points, indeed. Are there really no crew casualties and replacements? I can't remember how many crew members I had wounded and dead at the Flak and Deckgeschütz, in SHIII. That would be another bummer, needs to be added by whomever. __________________ Scientific facts are not determined by the opinion of the majority, nor by a democratic vote.

03-10-10, 01:00 PM	#14
H-street Swabbie Join Date: Apr 2005 Posts: 8 Downloads: 1 Uploads: 0	what a horrible review, nothing at all about how the campaign goes beyond a couple of sentences reading this review it's clear its nothing more than a rant review and its clear he didn't play it behind the first 2 missions. Most his review is filled with fluff rant filler. not saying his points aren't valid, but definately not a review that anyone here couldn't have done.

03-10-10, 01:03 PM	#15
Buckster Watch Join Date: May 2008 Posts: 30 Downloads: 3 Uploads: 0	I sort of agree with the review although I'd possibly move up to a 6 I found myself last night playing SH5 and actually wondering whether I should play a patched SH4 instead just too many bugs IMO

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