Army ranks explained...

[AntEater]

The General He jumps over tall buildings, is stronger than a locomotive, faster than a bullet, can walk on water and talks to god.

The Colonel He jumps over smaller buildings, is stronger than a toy locomotive, almost as fast as a bullet, can walk on water in calm seas and sometimes talks to god.

The Lt. Colonel: He jumps over small buildings in favorable wind conditions and with lots of run up, is almost as strong as a toy locomotive, convincincly claims to be quite fast, can balance on water in a public swimming pool and can talk to god after a written request.

[b]The Major: [/B]He can barely jump over a doghouse, asseses himself as quite strong, can fire a gun pretty fast, can sometimes swim pretty well and is occasionally adressed by god.

The Captain: He makes big leaps instead of jumping over houses, gets run over by locomotives, can sometimes handle a gun without hurting himself, can stay afloat in water and talks to animals.

The 1st Lieutenant: He runs against buildings, is sometimes able to recognize a locomotive, is not supplied with ammunittion for safety reasons, can stay afloat after precise instructions and talks to water.

The 2nd Lieutenant: He stumbles over the doorstep while entering a building and thinks its a railway, can handle a water pistol and talks to himself.

(added by a sergeant, I suppose)

The Sergeant: He effortlessly lifts every building and walks underneath it, pushes locomotives off their tracts, catches bullets with his teeth and freezes water with his gaze. He is god.

(German joke translated by me)