The Tipsy Tale: An Oblivion Adventure

[Hottentot]

Yesterday, he was a hero. He was a knight in shining armor, savior of the damsels in distress. He fought dragons, demons, evil wizards and some obscure end boss that resembled a suspiciously Freudian fantasy. He charmed ladies with his wit, impressed kings with his bravery, was cheered by children and inherited half of the kingdom. That was quite a day, that Friday evening. But our story is not about who he was yesterday.

It's about who he once again became on the next Saturday morning...


The usual, more serious notes: ever since I started writing AARs with stereotypes, I have asked myself why I don't make fun of those that are most familiar to me. The answer so far has been that there hasn't been a suitable game. It has been a wrong answer, because the right game has in fact been right under my nose all the time. Oblivion with its infinite moddability and open ended nature...

If making the Fallout AAR taught me anything, it was that making a funny AAR from RPG with lots of dialogue was difficult. Therefore I'm taking a little risk here and going instead for an RPG with little dialogue. No idea how this turns out, but let's see. So once again, welcome! Sit back, preferably with some meady adult beverage, and enjoy the ride. Updates may be a little slower this time due to real life keeping me busy, but I'll try keeping up.

Edit on 13/07/12: Some pictures from the thread go missing from time to time, thus disturbing the story. This is (so I've heard from the Horse's mouth) a known issue with the image hosting site Imgur and nothing I can help. So far the issue has fixed itself fairly quickly by itself. So if you are a new reader and don't see stuff, come back later and the pics are probably back. If the issue persist, please notify me and I'll send you a PDF version.


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Hello! Pleasure to meet you! Have you got any mead?

My name is Lalthgroot Wunderbaumbackel Dragonslayer Demon Heart Blood Blade Crimson Axe Intestine Hammer Berdesborum Fifthzel Groom of Zeegestrorum IX. But my friends usually call me just Lalli, so you can too. I'm famous! Well, my namesake is. But I'm too! Everyone knows who I am back home! That's one of the major reasons I left, in fact...

I hail from the stereotypical, barren Northern land called Finland. Err, Skyrim! I mean Skyrim! I am proud to say I'm a Nord! Blue eyes and blonde hair!



Well, I'm sure my grand grand daddy at least had those. Then he sort of had to leave home too and couldn't pack a wife with him, so he had to improvise. But that doesn't mean a thing! Deep down I'm as proud Nord as Nord can be! Which maybe isn't much, but at least it's all mine!

Recently I too moved down South because Skyrim enacted repressive tax policies on traditional Nord liquids used to keep us warm in the freezing winters. They went on about this whole Empire Union thing and how we now have directives straight from above telling how we should live our lives. The fools obviously don't understand that a man needs at least a few litres per day to keep going. In any case, I felt it was opressing my cultural heritage too much, so I left. And don't let any bitter one night stand tell you otherwise, this is the truth and you heard it here first!

So I arrived in the Imperial City to look for the boss man of this Empire Union thing, with whom I could then have a constructive discussion. I was sure he would understand the delicate culture of the Nords much better if I personally introduced him to some of our finest nuances, such as big pointy metal objects and their special effect on thin necks of these Southerners.

But a man needs a drink when a man needs a drink, and I definitely needed a drink after the long trip. So I spent some time looking for a place where I could try downing at least one decent mug of ale. In fact I found it.



And then I woke up in here with no idea what happened between these two points. Or where my clothes were, for that matter.



More to the point, there was this pencil neck next to me doing what the pencil necks always do: talk talk talk. Gah! Can't I get rid of soddy neighbors even here?!



Hello? Hello! Anyone?! I'm innocent! You can't sentence me for something I can't even remember! Hello!

At least make the pencil neck shut up! I can do it for free if you open the door!



Finally, some sensible people! Darn right! You tell me what I'm doing here, okay!

Hey! Why aren't you paying any attention to me?! In case you didn't notice, there is a big, muscular, and sparsely clothed Nord man in here!



Well finally!



Why don't I like where this discussion is going?



Err, I'd like to go back to not being noticed now...okay?



No really man, you can't convince me to swing that way just because you have a huge amulet hanging from your...

No! That's not how I meant it!



Whew. The old creep was dragged away by his guards to this totally well hidden secret door right in my cell. As much as I fear the possibility of bumping into him in the dark corner, I'd rather take my chances than spend anymore time listening to the pencil neck. Nyah!



Oooookay, my keen Nord senses tell me they went that way. Mostly based on the fact that they locked the door.



Typical. No neat corridors and shiny lights for Lalli, but damp caves and dog sized rats. Well, at least I found something more manly to put on.



Gah! It's not just rats! I know those guys! They always come singing next to my bed on hangover mornings!



And they even dragged my Ex in here somehow! It's like the morning after, except I'm completely sober! I think...