...once upon a time in Nazi occupied France...

[Bilge_Rat]

Kpt. Wagner is asked to attend a meeting with Admiral Donitz.


Donitz: good news, Wagner, based on your performance with the SH3 type VII-A, I am giving you command of the brand new SH5 type VII-C.

Wagner: herr admiral, I must respectfully decline.

Donitz: why?

Wagner: the SH5 sub is not realistic. For example, I am expected to walk inside the sub from station to station. I am expected to leave the bridge before the boat will dive. I preferred my SH3 boat where I could magically teleport from station to station, like in Star Trek. That was much more "realistic".

Donitz: anything else?

Wagner: yes, I also do not like the periscope station. I am expected to be able to tell the XO the proposed solution while being able to rotate the scope to keep an eye on pesky escorts. I much preferred my SH3 sub where my scope was locked on the target and I was expected to manually input data into the TDC, while the rest of the crew just stands by and looks.

Donitz: I see.

Wagner: And another thing. I am expected to actually look at the dials in the conning tower, as a real captain would, to see my speed, depth, rudder angle, engine rpm, etc. I much preferred my old SH3 sub where dials would float in the air like the HUD on a modern fighter. It was much more "realistic".

Donitz: most disturbing.

Wagner: one additional point, herr admiral, in Sh5, I am expected to only deal with the officers and senior petty officers, as a real skipper does, instead of micromanaging each and every crew member as I had to do in SH3.

Donitz: I understand all your concerns, Wagner, but is'nt the whole point of a submarine simulation to put you in the same situation as a real life captain on a real life U-boat?

Wagner: With respect, herr admiral, the whole point of a submarine simulation is to be "realistic", not to simulate real life...