Check my Editorial out

emtmedic005 · 07-31-07, 10:35 PM

Its about the CNN/You-Tube Debate. Its in Monday, July 30 Boston Globe

http://www.boston.com/news/globe/edi...ters_bring_it/

What do you all think of it??????

Reaves · 07-31-07, 10:40 PM

We've got politicians using youtube over here as well. A few have even gone to myspace.

Nice article, well done in getting it printed.

Chock · 07-31-07, 11:46 PM

Very good, but, if you want some constructive criticism, there is one very minor error with it (and I do mean minor), and that is, it switches tense from first person to third person in the narrative a couple of times - i.e. it goes from talking collectively from a remote perspective about what 'the youth' are doing, then uses the inclusive 'we' later on, then switches back. However, learning to avoid this sort of thing this is something which develops the more you actually write, so it is not a really big deal.

I don't want you to regard this as a really bad error, as I think you should be aware that I used to write for the UK's biggest daily regional paper for about ten years, as well as working at one of the UK's big national papers. And in addition to that, I also teach a copywriting course. So I was judging it by those kind of professional standards.

On the plus side, the structure of the piece in terms of beginning middle and end is spot on, as is the intro paragraph, which is an art form in itself in terms of writing.

Judging by your piece, you probably know that the first paragraph of a news article is supposed to include 'who, what, when, where, why, and how' and then the article is supposed to expand on that, but the intro paragraph is also supposed to be short, so that it can appear in a larger typeface than the body copy without covering too much of the column it appears in. This is not easy to do without creating very convoluted sentences. Nevertheless, your intro paragraph is almost like a demonstration of how to do it just right, in that it covers all those points and manages it in less than twenty words. Very skillfully done indeed, and if that is one of your first attempts at doing so, I'm impressed.

Here's a good joke about that very issue, which does the rounds in the newspaper world...

It's a guy's first day on a newspaper as a fledgling journalist, and all the old hacks have been sent out to cover the decent stories, with him being left at the office to write up the BMDs (births marriages and deaths).
Suddenly a message flashes in from the teleprinter that a plane has crashed in the high street of the nearby town killing hundreds of people. The editor rushes into the newsroom to assign the story to a journalist, but only the new guy is available, so the editor has to send him to report on it. The new guy is thrilled of course, it's his big break onto the front page on his first day!
He goes to the scene of the accident, views the carnage, makes some notes and rushes back to the news office to type up his story. Twenty minutes later, he takes the piece of paper with his 'masterpiece' of news writing and pops it in the editors in-tray, then strolls back to his desk, trying not to look at the editor as he sees the guy pick up his copy. The editor reads it for about five seconds and nearly explodes.
'What the hell do you call this crap son?' he yells. 'Intro paragraphs to news stories are supposed to be short, and snappy!' This first paragraph reads like a novel! Do it again, we're thirty minutes away from dealine, so move it!'
Somewhat shocked and dejected, the new reporter skulks back to his typewriter and reworks his intro paragraph, and though he is loathe to edit out what he thought was some nice writing, he chops it down considerably.
When he takes it over to the editor, much the same thing happens again:
'Short intro paragraph goddam it. SHORT! The first paragraph of a news story should be short!' yells the editor. 'Now do it again, this is your last chance, or I'll write the goddam thing myself!'
Our hero is crestfallen, he's chopped just about all his best phrasing out of the intro paragraph, and he's dismayed that it still wasn't short enough for the editor's liking.
Ten minutes later, he returns to the editor with his newly-rewritten story about the plane crash...
DEAD. (new paragraph) That's what over 350 people were, after a plane ploughed into the highstreet this afternoon...

Silly joke, but there's a good lesson it there somewhere.

Another point to note, and one not often realised by people who have never written for a living, is that it is actually far more of a skill to write a short piece than it is to write a long one, because you have to be economical with words in order to fit the request of the editor for a certain amount of copy (often a very small amount too). So you have every reason to be proud of a job well done. I always like the quote about this from Mark Twain, who, when he used to be paid per word, wrote: 'I never write 'policeman', because I can get the same money for 'cop'.

Anyway, keep up the good work.

Chock

Onkel Neal · 08-01-07, 06:08 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by emtmedic005

Its about the CNN/You-Tube Debate. Its in Monday, July 30 Boston Globe

http://www.boston.com/news/globe/edi...ters_bring_it/

What do you all think of it??????

Great job!

hoagiedriver · 08-01-07, 05:00 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Chock

Very good, but, if you want some constructive criticism, there is one very minor error with it (and I do mean minor), and that is, it switches tense from first person to third person in the narrative a couple of times - i.e. it goes from talking collectively from a remote perspective about what 'the youth' are doing, then uses the inclusive 'we' later on, then switches back.

Very astute observation. Are you a writer?

Quote:

learning to avoid this sort of thing this is something which develops the more you actually write

Beh? Ok, I quess that answers that question...

bradclark1 · 08-01-07, 07:21 PM

Congrats. Do you have it on the wall or fridge yet?

emtmedic005 · 08-02-07, 12:45 PM

Yeah its on the fridge, next to my crayon picture of my house and a smilely man:hmm: hahaha, joking. I was the editor in Chief of my HS paper, i havent written anything in a while, usually im spot on for hitting mistakes, But thanks for the read

07-31-07, 10:35 PM	#1
emtmedic005 Weps Join Date: Dec 2006 Location: North Andover, MA Posts: 361 Downloads: 0 Uploads: 0	Check my Editorial out Its about the CNN/You-Tube Debate. Its in Monday, July 30 Boston Globe http://www.boston.com/news/globe/edi...ters_bring_it/ What do you all think of it??????

07-31-07, 10:40 PM	#2
Reaves The Old Man Join Date: Sep 2004 Location: Melbourne, Australia Posts: 1,509 Downloads: 4 Uploads: 0	We've got politicians using youtube over here as well. A few have even gone to myspace. Nice article, well done in getting it printed. __________________

07-31-07, 11:46 PM	#3
Chock Sea Lord Join Date: May 2005 Location: Under a thermal layer in chilly Olde England Posts: 1,842 Downloads: 0 Uploads: 0	Very good, but, if you want some constructive criticism, there is one very minor error with it (and I do mean minor), and that is, it switches tense from first person to third person in the narrative a couple of times - i.e. it goes from talking collectively from a remote perspective about what 'the youth' are doing, then uses the inclusive 'we' later on, then switches back. However, learning to avoid this sort of thing this is something which develops the more you actually write, so it is not a really big deal. I don't want you to regard this as a really bad error, as I think you should be aware that I used to write for the UK's biggest daily regional paper for about ten years, as well as working at one of the UK's big national papers. And in addition to that, I also teach a copywriting course. So I was judging it by those kind of professional standards. On the plus side, the structure of the piece in terms of beginning middle and end is spot on, as is the intro paragraph, which is an art form in itself in terms of writing. Judging by your piece, you probably know that the first paragraph of a news article is supposed to include 'who, what, when, where, why, and how' and then the article is supposed to expand on that, but the intro paragraph is also supposed to be short, so that it can appear in a larger typeface than the body copy without covering too much of the column it appears in. This is not easy to do without creating very convoluted sentences. Nevertheless, your intro paragraph is almost like a demonstration of how to do it just right, in that it covers all those points and manages it in less than twenty words. Very skillfully done indeed, and if that is one of your first attempts at doing so, I'm impressed. Here's a good joke about that very issue, which does the rounds in the newspaper world... It's a guy's first day on a newspaper as a fledgling journalist, and all the old hacks have been sent out to cover the decent stories, with him being left at the office to write up the BMDs (births marriages and deaths). Suddenly a message flashes in from the teleprinter that a plane has crashed in the high street of the nearby town killing hundreds of people. The editor rushes into the newsroom to assign the story to a journalist, but only the new guy is available, so the editor has to send him to report on it. The new guy is thrilled of course, it's his big break onto the front page on his first day! He goes to the scene of the accident, views the carnage, makes some notes and rushes back to the news office to type up his story. Twenty minutes later, he takes the piece of paper with his 'masterpiece' of news writing and pops it in the editors in-tray, then strolls back to his desk, trying not to look at the editor as he sees the guy pick up his copy. The editor reads it for about five seconds and nearly explodes. 'What the hell do you call this crap son?' he yells. 'Intro paragraphs to news stories are supposed to be short, and snappy!' This first paragraph reads like a novel! Do it again, we're thirty minutes away from dealine, so move it!' Somewhat shocked and dejected, the new reporter skulks back to his typewriter and reworks his intro paragraph, and though he is loathe to edit out what he thought was some nice writing, he chops it down considerably. When he takes it over to the editor, much the same thing happens again: 'Short intro paragraph goddam it. SHORT! The first paragraph of a news story should be short!' yells the editor. 'Now do it again, this is your last chance, or I'll write the goddam thing myself!' Our hero is crestfallen, he's chopped just about all his best phrasing out of the intro paragraph, and he's dismayed that it still wasn't short enough for the editor's liking. Ten minutes later, he returns to the editor with his newly-rewritten story about the plane crash... DEAD. (new paragraph) That's what over 350 people were, after a plane ploughed into the highstreet this afternoon... Silly joke, but there's a good lesson it there somewhere. Another point to note, and one not often realised by people who have never written for a living, is that it is actually far more of a skill to write a short piece than it is to write a long one, because you have to be economical with words in order to fit the request of the editor for a certain amount of copy (often a very small amount too). So you have every reason to be proud of a job well done. I always like the quote about this from Mark Twain, who, when he used to be paid per word, wrote: 'I never write 'policeman', because I can get the same money for 'cop'. Anyway, keep up the good work. Chock __________________

08-01-07, 07:21 PM	#6
bradclark1 Ocean Warrior Join Date: Feb 2003 Location: Connecticut, USA. Posts: 2,794 Downloads: 29 Uploads: 0	Congrats. Do you have it on the wall or fridge yet?

08-02-07, 12:45 PM	#7
emtmedic005 Weps Join Date: Dec 2006 Location: North Andover, MA Posts: 361 Downloads: 0 Uploads: 0	Yeah its on the fridge, next to my crayon picture of my house and a smilely man:hmm: hahaha, joking. I was the editor in Chief of my HS paper, i havent written anything in a while, usually im spot on for hitting mistakes, But thanks for the read