So what has Bernard messed up on your patrol

kiwi_2005 · 10-23-06, 05:03 AM

Feb 1940 Kapitan of U196 VIIB, we got orders to take on an replacement by the name of Bernard, strangely enough U51 was happy to see him go - Hes an excellent gunner they said. So there we were 3 days later 4:35am out in the atlantic chasing a convoy - will sneak up on them as close as we can get then go to periscope depth. Slowly we inched our way, closer & closer I ordered an all ahead slow, until we could see the flags on the ships, to our right was an escort not more than 4200yrds away and her far left was another zigzaging patroling up and down the convoy.Hmm tis a good nite for a fight as long as we remain undetected, we could try a surface attack i said to my 2nd in command. Next thing i hear is a loud "BOOM"!....seconds go by..... another BOOM!.........BOOM........BOOM! WTF IS THAT! ARE WE BEING ATTACKED!!! My 2nd in command look at me with an impression that he just saw death itself - NO KAPITAN its our new gunner Bernard firing at the convoy!!! BERNARD!!!!

Bernard didn't hear a thing he was in his own little world....

(In other words i forgot to call back my gun crew to "Watch Duty" from a previous attack a few days before. Bernard must of been so bored standing manning that gun for the past 2 days that he just lost it and fired) :rotfl:

HunterICX · 10-23-06, 05:29 AM

I had an sailor on the U46 that was in the helms station managing the depth control of the ship, we where detected so we dived...deeper I ordered...I went to the radio station to ask the hydro how things where and at that moment I heard ''SSSCRATCHEEEEEEEEHHHZZZZ SBANG!!!CROOTSCH!!! WTF IS GOIN ON HERE I yelled the navigator...the navigator answered...Bernard sir...he didnt ask an depth check because he said the depth of this chart was over 160 meters....But its 50 meters sir.....

Respenus · 10-23-06, 08:06 AM

I honestly belive that on every boat I go to, Bernard is my weapons officer. I could personally do a better manual TDC then he did for me in the same time. Missing a ship going 3kt on a very nice angle. Just my luck wasting fish like that!

FIREWALL · 10-23-06, 02:51 PM

Not me. Igo to a corner of harbor,settle to bottom and wait till Wars over.
Oh yeah.... And shoot at anything... and I mean ANYTHING that comes near us.

Shikkapow · 10-23-06, 03:33 PM

Nothng... absolutely nothing.

Well actually that is the problem. He never goes back up tp the bridge when we surface (he racks out in the fwd bunk room) never reports contacts until I actually spot them with the binos/periscope ( I like using the periscope on the surface, you get better visuals)
and when we have to dive to get away or approach a convoy, he runs back into the fwd bunkroom and gets his little nappy poo.

I hate that guy

Ducimus · 10-23-06, 04:14 PM

Bernard made it aboard one of my boats as a navigator once.

Me, "Navigator, plot me a course from here to our patrol grid.

NA, "ummm ok."

Me, *gives funny NA funny look*

Me, "Ok, harbor stations men, this will be a long patrol. I expect we'll be at sea for the next 3 months. Enjoy the band and the flowers, we'll be gone awhile!

*boat leaves dock, and everyones whooping it up.

WA, "Sir, somethings wrong. We should be making a turn about now to clear the sandbar."

Me, "No worries, i told the navigator to plot a course." *continues to wave to the crowd*

*SSSLLLLLAAAAAMMMMM*

CE, "WE have flooding sir!"

WA, " I told you!"

Me, "BERNARD!!!!!?!?!!!"

Badger Finn · 10-23-06, 04:30 PM

thats where the RN in commander is great i just change the name an icon no more bernard's on my u-boat...

JSalinger · 10-23-06, 08:26 PM

The idiot smuggled himself aboard my last boat in March of '44...he freaking surfaced the boat in the middle of a 3 BB TF!!!! Needless to say, we went down in a hail of 15-inch gunfire. LOL

eolian · 10-24-06, 09:44 AM

Bernard took out my Kingston 1 Gig memory strip! I bought it on Sept 1 2006 and installed it to run SH3 and Sunday Oct 22 the computer crashed on boot i thought at first a worm had hit me but upon more intensive testing i discovered the memory stick was bad. I am down to 512 until Kingston sends me the free lifetime replacement.
Sneaky b**tard.

TarJak · 10-24-06, 10:08 PM

Last night I was sneaking back out of the Thames estuary at silent speed perscope depth cos its VERY shallow there. Lost of sound contacts of PT boats, DD's etc. Bernard was Chief Engineer and decided it would be fun to go back emergency for a while. DD's DC's, you know the rest...

10-23-06, 05:03 AM	#1
kiwi_2005 Eternal Patrol Join Date: May 2004 Location: Aeoteroa Posts: 7,382 Downloads: 223 Uploads: 1	So what has Bernard messed up on your patrol Feb 1940 Kapitan of U196 VIIB, we got orders to take on an replacement by the name of Bernard, strangely enough U51 was happy to see him go - Hes an excellent gunner they said. So there we were 3 days later 4:35am out in the atlantic chasing a convoy - will sneak up on them as close as we can get then go to periscope depth. Slowly we inched our way, closer & closer I ordered an all ahead slow, until we could see the flags on the ships, to our right was an escort not more than 4200yrds away and her far left was another zigzaging patroling up and down the convoy.Hmm tis a good nite for a fight as long as we remain undetected, we could try a surface attack i said to my 2nd in command. Next thing i hear is a loud "BOOM"!....seconds go by..... another BOOM!.........BOOM........BOOM! WTF IS THAT! ARE WE BEING ATTACKED!!! My 2nd in command look at me with an impression that he just saw death itself - NO KAPITAN its our new gunner Bernard firing at the convoy!!! BERNARD!!!! Bernard didn't hear a thing he was in his own little world.... (In other words i forgot to call back my gun crew to "Watch Duty" from a previous attack a few days before. Bernard must of been so bored standing manning that gun for the past 2 days that he just lost it and fired) :rotfl: __________________ RIP kiwi_2005 Those who can't laugh at themselves leave the job to others.

10-23-06, 05:29 AM	#2
HunterICX Rear Admiral Join Date: May 2006 Location: Malaga, España Posts: 10,750 Downloads: 8 Uploads: 0	I had an sailor on the U46 that was in the helms station managing the depth control of the ship, we where detected so we dived...deeper I ordered...I went to the radio station to ask the hydro how things where and at that moment I heard ''SSSCRATCHEEEEEEEEHHHZZZZ SBANG!!!CROOTSCH!!! WTF IS GOIN ON HERE I yelled the navigator...the navigator answered...Bernard sir...he didnt ask an depth check because he said the depth of this chart was over 160 meters....But its 50 meters sir..... __________________

10-23-06, 08:06 AM	#3
Respenus Ace of the Deep Join Date: Sep 2006 Posts: 1,169 Downloads: 0 Uploads: 0	I honestly belive that on every boat I go to, Bernard is my weapons officer. I could personally do a better manual TDC then he did for me in the same time. Missing a ship going 3kt on a very nice angle. Just my luck wasting fish like that! __________________

10-23-06, 02:51 PM	#4
FIREWALL Eternal Patrol Join Date: Mar 2006 Location: CATALINA IS. SO . CAL USA Posts: 10,108 Downloads: 511 Uploads: 0	Not me. Igo to a corner of harbor,settle to bottom and wait till Wars over. Oh yeah.... And shoot at anything... and I mean ANYTHING that comes near us. __________________ RIP FIREWALL I Play GWX. Silent Hunter Who ???

10-23-06, 08:26 PM	#8
JSalinger Sparky Join Date: Mar 2006 Location: Spokane, WA, USA Posts: 156 Downloads: 0 Uploads: 0	The idiot smuggled himself aboard my last boat in March of '44...he freaking surfaced the boat in the middle of a 3 BB TF!!!! Needless to say, we went down in a hail of 15-inch gunfire. LOL __________________ J. Salinger King of the House

10-23-06, 03:33 PM	#5
Shikkapow Watch Join Date: Sep 2006 Posts: 25 Downloads: 0 Uploads: 0	Nothng... absolutely nothing. Well actually that is the problem. He never goes back up tp the bridge when we surface (he racks out in the fwd bunk room) never reports contacts until I actually spot them with the binos/periscope ( I like using the periscope on the surface, you get better visuals) and when we have to dive to get away or approach a convoy, he runs back into the fwd bunkroom and gets his little nappy poo. I hate that guy

10-23-06, 04:14 PM	#6
Ducimus Rear Admiral Join Date: May 2005 Posts: 12,987 Downloads: 67 Uploads: 2	Bernard made it aboard one of my boats as a navigator once. Me, "Navigator, plot me a course from here to our patrol grid. NA, "ummm ok." Me, gives funny NA funny look Me, "Ok, harbor stations men, this will be a long patrol. I expect we'll be at sea for the next 3 months. Enjoy the band and the flowers, we'll be gone awhile! boat leaves dock, and everyones whooping it up. WA, "Sir, somethings wrong. We should be making a turn about now to clear the sandbar." Me, "No worries, i told the navigator to plot a course." continues to wave to the crowd* SSSLLLLLAAAAAMMMMM CE, "WE have flooding sir!" WA, " I told you!" Me, "BERNARD!!!!!?!?!!!"

10-23-06, 04:30 PM	#7
Badger Finn Watch Officer Join Date: Jun 2006 Posts: 332 Downloads: 30 Uploads: 0	thats where the RN in commander is great i just change the name an icon no more bernard's on my u-boat...

10-24-06, 09:44 AM	#9
eolian Swabbie Join Date: Sep 2006 Posts: 12 Downloads: 0 Uploads: 0	Bernard took out my Kingston 1 Gig memory strip! I bought it on Sept 1 2006 and installed it to run SH3 and Sunday Oct 22 the computer crashed on boot i thought at first a worm had hit me but upon more intensive testing i discovered the memory stick was bad. I am down to 512 until Kingston sends me the free lifetime replacement. Sneaky b**tard.

10-24-06, 10:08 PM	#10
TarJak Fleet Admiral Join Date: Jul 2006 Location: Sydney, Australia Posts: 17,052 Downloads: 150 Uploads: 8	Last night I was sneaking back out of the Thames estuary at silent speed perscope depth cos its VERY shallow there. Lost of sound contacts of PT boats, DD's etc. Bernard was Chief Engineer and decided it would be fun to go back emergency for a while. DD's DC's, you know the rest...