Ostrich Apocalypse

[Dan D]

worse than Zombie Apocalypse



cyclists chased by ostrich

[Sailor Steve]

Fast dude, ain't he? It looks like he could catch them any time he wanted.

[AVGWarhawk]

These legs are made for running after you!

[Aktungbby]

Here’s Cash’s engaging account of the ostrich attack, as related in Cash: The Autobiography:

One such spell, the most serious and protracted, began when I took painkillers after eye surgery in 1981, then kept taking them after I didn’t need to. It escalated after I was almost killed by an ostrich.
Ostrich attacks are rare in Tennessee, it’s true, but this one really happened, on the grounds of the exotic animal park I’d established behind the House of Cash offices near my house on Old Hickory Lake. It occurred during a particularly bitter winter, when below-zero temperatures had reduced our ostrich population by half; the hen of our pair wouldn’t let herself be captured and taken inside the barn, so she froze to death. That, I guess, is what made her mate cranky. Before then he’d been perfectly pleasant with me, as had all the other birds and animals, when I walked through the compound.
That day, though, he was not happy to see me. I was walking through the woods in the compound when suddenly he jumped out onto the trail in front of me and crouched there with his wings spread out, hissing nastily.
Nothing came of that encounter. I just stood there until he laid his wings back, quit hissing, and moved off. Then I walked on. As I walked I plotted. He’d be waiting for me when I came back by there, ready to give me the same treatment, and I couldn’t have that. I was the boss. It was my land.
The ostrich didn’t care. When I came back I was carrying a good stout six-foot stick, and I was prepared to use it. And sure enough, there he was on the trail in front of me, doing his thing. When he started moving toward me I went on the offensive, taking a good hard swipe at him.
I missed. He wasn’t there. He was in the air, and a split second later he was on his way down again, with that big toe of his, larger than my size-thirteen shoe, extended toward my stomach. He made contact—I’m sure there was never any question he wouldn’t—and frankly, I got off lightly. All he did was break my two lower ribs and rip my stomach open down to my belt, If the belt hadn’t been good and strong, with a solid belt buckle, he’d have spilled my guts exactly the way he meant to. As it was, he knocked me over onto my back and I broke three more ribs on a rock—but I had sense enough to keep swinging the stick, so he didn’t get to finish me. I scored a good hit on one of his legs, and he ran off.
They cleaned my wounds, stitched me up, and sent me home, but I was nowhere near good as new. Those five broken ribs hurt.

MEEP MEEP!

These legs are made for running after you!

and rippin' u open when they catch you too! Additionally, the ostrich is not able to kick very effectively at an object on the ground, and eventually it will lose interest if you play dead. The bird will still likely stand on you--it's been described as dancing by some who've gone through the experience--and it may even sit on you for a while, but it will most likely not rip you open if you do this equivalent of burying your head in the sand. Then pour yourself a shot of Wild Turkey! Dare I SAY IT...4 MEDICINAL PURPOSES ONLY!

[Oberon]

They are deadly buggers, and can be quite aggressive too, and then there's this pile of rage:

[Aktungbby]

OF course some just EMUlate the ostrich and cassowary &

[Betonov]

Pffffffft, overgrown chickens.

The real evil bird and proof that birds evolved from predatory dinosaurs is the swan

[Jimbuna]

Originally Posted by Betonov

Pffffffft, overgrown chickens.

The real evil bird and proof that birds evolved from predatory dinosaurs is the swan

[Betonov]

In 2014, when Aaron first visited Slovenia, went for a walk around lake Bled with me and my cousin and there are swans there.
He never saw a swan up close so he decided to have a closer look at a swan standing at the middle of the pathway.
He realised that might be a bad idea when he saw quite a few people, me and my cousin included, having faces of sheer terror and making a wide berth around the animal.

They're the works of satan I tell you. Beautifull, carring, a symbol of love to fool us into thinking they're nothing more than an evil sadistic reincarnation of a velociraptor that takes joy from feeding on parts of your soul you release after one of these things decide you're in it's personal space

[Oberon]

Heh, I remember a pair of swans that used to live near the road up to the bird reserve that I used to help my mother do cleaning work at years ago, we nicknamed them Richard and Judy Turpin because they'd just stand in the middle of the road and refuse to budge, no matter how much you beeped the horn or revved the engine. So you'd have to wait until they'd cleared off to one side of the road and you could get past.
Beautiful birds though, and subject to an interesting amount of legality in the UK. Couldn't say why though, they just taste a bit like Turkey...so...erm...I've been told.

[Jimbuna]

Yeah, swans can be nasty buggas but it usually depends on what variant of the species they are.

[Oberon]

Yeah, the Mute swans usually don't say much...

[Jimbuna]

Aye, the Mute Swan has a particular special status...

In the UK, there is one species everybody knows the Queen protects: the mute swan (Cygnus olor).

The Crown claimed ownership of all the mute swans in England and Wales in the 12th Century, primarily to stop commoners depriving the royals of a favourite banqueting dish.

Today the birds are no longer eaten - it is now a criminal offence to harm a swan in any way - and the Queen still exercises her ownership of swans on certain stretches of the River Thames and its tributaries.

[Oberon]

Originally Posted by Jimbuna

favourite banqueting dish.

Indeed, and many servants across the country breathed a sigh of relief that they wouldn't have the pluck and gut the darn things, that's a messy business. Still, Turkey is just as good.

[Jimbuna]

Originally Posted by Oberon

Indeed, and many servants across the country breathed a sigh of relief that they wouldn't have the pluck and gut the darn things, that's a messy business. Still, Turkey is just as good.