Rough Weekend

frau kaleun · 01-17-12, 08:33 AM

Found out late Sunday that my nephew killed himself over the weekend - sometime Saturday evening or early Sunday. A friend who went to his place on Sunday found him, he had shot himself. Don't know much more than that as we have not heard anything about a note or whether or not he was drinking or doing anything else that might have contributed to it.

He would have been 40 in March and seemed to be getting his life on track - his mom (my ex sister-in-law, she's divorced from my brother) and stepdad had offered to help him out financially if he wanted to go back to school provided he stuck with it and finished his degree, which he was doing with success as far as we know.

But he was in a couple of car accidents as a young adult, the first of which resulted in a bad back injury that nothing could really fix; the second accident exacerbated the problem and left him in constant pain as a result. From what we know his doctor had recently taken him off all his pain meds which seemed to completely freak him out, apparently she was hoping to get him on something new for pain but whether or not that's why she cut him off of his current meds or there were other reasons I don't know.

Anyway we may never know what all the factors were, his mom has been battling cancer for about the last year and her prognosis was never good to start with and there have been a couple of times already when we weren't sure if she was going to make it. The two of them were very close and maybe he just couldn't deal with seeing her go downhill plus the results of his meds being cut off and who knows what all else that we don't even know about, he was one of those people who never wanted to be a bother to anyone so there may be a lot we just don't know because he didn't talk about it. Even the people closest to him didn't see this coming.

He and all his immediate family live on the other side of the country from us so we can't be there for them except for phone and email and in spirit. So any good wishes and kind thoughts sent their (and our) way are much appreciated.

Dowly · 01-17-12, 08:41 AM

So sorry to hear that.

Osmium Steele · 01-17-12, 08:47 AM

Hugz

danasan · 01-17-12, 08:48 AM

I really do feel sorry when reading this. You've had a hard time during the last couple of months. I hope for better times for you in the future.

danasan

01-17-12, 08:54 AM

Sincere condolences, FK.

Suicide always tends to leave the survivors in greater shock than even accidental deaths as everybody wonders if they missed something, said something or didn't say something that influenced the person.

The real victims of suicide are those left behind with no idea why.

Best wishes, I hope all involved can move on without guilt.

krashkart · 01-17-12, 09:04 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by frau kaleun

[...] we don't even know about, he was one of those people who never wanted to be a bother to anyone so there may be a lot we just don't know because he didn't talk about it. Even the people closest to him didn't see this coming.

Nobody ever really does see it coming, unless we're lucky enough in that the person actually does talk about what's going on. That stuff just builds up over time and certainly doesn't make life any better or easier, but that's just the way some of us are. We can't talk about our troubles because, well, let's face it: everyone has problems and we should just buck up and quit being so selfish/whiny or whatever the excuse may be. It's a selfless act that in and of itself is actually very selfish; because in that struggle we forget (or simply ignore) that the people who know and love us really do want to help, no matter what it is that's bothering us. How else are they to know what's wrong with us unless we tell them? I don't even understand it myself, and that's where I've been most of my life. But there is certainly a self-destructive component to it.

01-17-12, 09:16 AM

Bad news Frau, stay strong.

frau kaleun · 01-17-12, 09:21 AM

Thanks, guys.

@krashkart: DUDE WHERE YOU BEEN? I have missed you.

It really was a shock, yes, with mom and dad they were elderly and in failing health and we knew weeks or months ahead that it was only a matter of (not much) time.

Getting this phone call was like being hit by a truck. Just ran us right over and knocked the wind out of all of us.

krashkart · 01-17-12, 09:26 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by frau kaleun

Getting this phone call was like being hit by a truck. Just ran us right over and knocked the wind out of all of us.

I still remember the first one I lost. I had just come home from school. My Mom stopped me at the front door, sat me down on the steps, and told me that Ed had killed himself the night before. I had hung out with him just hours before he did it, too, and never, not once, saw any sign in him of what he had on his mind. To say that I cried my eyes out would be an understatement, and it's never really gone away even after all these years. "Hit by a truck" indeed; that's precisely how it felt.

u crank · 01-17-12, 09:41 AM

Sincere condolences Frau. Thoughts and prayers.

Herr-Berbunch · 01-17-12, 09:48 AM

Ah crap, Frau! My thoughts are with you and your family.

AVGWarhawk · 01-17-12, 10:36 AM

That is sad new certainly. Sorry to hear this news.

Jimbuna · 01-17-12, 10:57 AM

My thoughts are with you at this terrible time.

MH · 01-17-12, 11:19 AM

Sorry to hear

... and stay cool your coolness.

Garion · 01-17-12, 11:26 AM

Sad, sad news

Garion

01-17-12, 08:33 AM	#1
frau kaleun Rear Admiral Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Skyri--oh who are we kidding, I'm probably at Lowe's. Again. Posts: 12,706 Downloads: 168 Uploads: 0	Rough Weekend Found out late Sunday that my nephew killed himself over the weekend - sometime Saturday evening or early Sunday. A friend who went to his place on Sunday found him, he had shot himself. Don't know much more than that as we have not heard anything about a note or whether or not he was drinking or doing anything else that might have contributed to it. He would have been 40 in March and seemed to be getting his life on track - his mom (my ex sister-in-law, she's divorced from my brother) and stepdad had offered to help him out financially if he wanted to go back to school provided he stuck with it and finished his degree, which he was doing with success as far as we know. But he was in a couple of car accidents as a young adult, the first of which resulted in a bad back injury that nothing could really fix; the second accident exacerbated the problem and left him in constant pain as a result. From what we know his doctor had recently taken him off all his pain meds which seemed to completely freak him out, apparently she was hoping to get him on something new for pain but whether or not that's why she cut him off of his current meds or there were other reasons I don't know. Anyway we may never know what all the factors were, his mom has been battling cancer for about the last year and her prognosis was never good to start with and there have been a couple of times already when we weren't sure if she was going to make it. The two of them were very close and maybe he just couldn't deal with seeing her go downhill plus the results of his meds being cut off and who knows what all else that we don't even know about, he was one of those people who never wanted to be a bother to anyone so there may be a lot we just don't know because he didn't talk about it. Even the people closest to him didn't see this coming. He and all his immediate family live on the other side of the country from us so we can't be there for them except for phone and email and in spirit. So any good wishes and kind thoughts sent their (and our) way are much appreciated.

01-17-12, 08:47 AM	#3
Osmium Steele Ace of the Deep Join Date: Apr 2011 Location: Upper midwest USA Posts: 1,101 Downloads: 22 Uploads: 0	Hugz __________________ In the month of July of the year 1348, between the feasts of St. Benedict and of St. Swithin, a strange thing came upon England... My U297 build thread

01-17-12, 08:48 AM	#4
danasan Elite Spam Hunter Join Date: Dec 2009 Location: Flensburg / Germany Posts: 1,141 Downloads: 39 Uploads: 0	I really do feel sorry when reading this. You've had a hard time during the last couple of months. I hope for better times for you in the future. danasan __________________ "I invite you to go inside this submergible hole in the water where you can nicely hide from destroyers."

01-17-12, 09:41 AM	#10
u crank Old enough to know better Join Date: Dec 2011 Location: Prince Edward Island Posts: 11,747 Downloads: 136 Uploads: 0	Sincere condolences Frau. Thoughts and prayers. __________________ “Two possibilities exist: either we are alone in the Universe or we are not. Both are equally terrifying.” ― Arthur C. Clarke

01-17-12, 09:48 AM	#11
Herr-Berbunch Kaiser Bill's batman Join Date: May 2010 Location: AN72 Posts: 13,203 Downloads: 76 Uploads: 0	Ah crap, Frau! My thoughts are with you and your family. __________________

01-17-12, 08:41 AM	#2
Dowly Lucky Jack Join Date: Apr 2005 Location: Finland Posts: 25,054 Downloads: 32 Uploads: 0	So sorry to hear that.

01-17-12, 08:54 AM	#5
Randomizer Stowaway Posts: n/a Downloads: Uploads:	Sincere condolences, FK. Suicide always tends to leave the survivors in greater shock than even accidental deaths as everybody wonders if they missed something, said something or didn't say something that influenced the person. The real victims of suicide are those left behind with no idea why. Best wishes, I hope all involved can move on without guilt.

01-17-12, 09:16 AM	#7
Tribesman Stowaway Posts: n/a Downloads: Uploads:	Bad news Frau, stay strong.

01-17-12, 09:21 AM	#8
frau kaleun Rear Admiral Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Skyri--oh who are we kidding, I'm probably at Lowe's. Again. Posts: 12,706 Downloads: 168 Uploads: 0	Thanks, guys. @krashkart: DUDE WHERE YOU BEEN? I have missed you. It really was a shock, yes, with mom and dad they were elderly and in failing health and we knew weeks or months ahead that it was only a matter of (not much) time. Getting this phone call was like being hit by a truck. Just ran us right over and knocked the wind out of all of us.

01-17-12, 10:36 AM	#12
AVGWarhawk Lucky Jack Join Date: Jun 2005 Location: In a 1954 Buick. Posts: 28,281 Downloads: 90 Uploads: 0	That is sad new certainly. Sorry to hear this news. __________________ “You're painfully alive in a drugged and dying culture.” ― Richard Yates, Revolutionary Road

01-17-12, 10:57 AM	#13
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 190,732 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	My thoughts are with you at this terrible time. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!!

01-17-12, 11:19 AM	#14
MH Ocean Warrior Join Date: Jul 2008 Posts: 3,184 Downloads: 248 Uploads: 0	Sorry to hear... and stay cool your coolness.

01-17-12, 11:26 AM	#15
Garion Commander Join Date: Feb 2003 Location: Scotland Posts: 452 Downloads: 34 Uploads: 0	Sad, sad news Garion