Satan

SUBMAN1 · 04-17-09, 09:04 PM

A few minutes before the church services started, the congregation was sitting in their pews and talking.
Suddenly, Satan appeared at the front of the church.
Everyone started screaming and running for the front entrance, trampling each other in a frantic effort to get away from evil incarnate.
Soon the church was empty except for one elderly gentleman who sat calmly in his pew without moving, seemingly oblivious to the fact that God's ultimate enemy was in his presence.
So Satan walked up to the man and said "Do you know who I am?"
The man replied "Yep, sure do."
"Aren't you afraid of me?" Satan asked.
"Nope, sure ain't" said the man.
"Don 't you realize I can kill you with one word?" asked Satan.
"Don 't doubt it for a minute" returned the old man, in an even tone.
"Did you know that I can cause you profound, horrifying AGONY for all eternity?" persisted Satan.
"Yep" was the calm reply.
"And you are still not afraid?" asked Satan.
"Nope" said the old man.
More than a little perturbed, Satan asked "Why aren't you afraid of me?"
The man calmly replied "Been married to your sister for 48 years !"

A Very Super Market · 04-17-09, 09:12 PM

You're telling jokes now? Cool. It was pretty funny.

nikimcbee · 04-18-09, 12:08 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by A Very Super Market

You're telling jokes now? Cool. It was pretty funny.

Little known fact, subman1 also does vaudville.

bookworm_020 · 04-18-09, 12:48 AM

That even got a laugh from my wife.... just before she threw something heavy at me, will tell you more after I get back from the hospital!

Hitman · 04-18-09, 03:40 AM

Do you guys know what is the difference between a sorceress and a witch? No?

10 years of marriage

HunterICX · 04-18-09, 03:44 AM

Nice one

HunterICX

Platapus · 04-18-09, 06:52 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Hitman

Do you guys know what is the difference between a sorceress and a witch? No?

10 years of marriage

Reminds me of the old joke about: What's the difference between your Job and your Wife?

Similar punchlines

Jimbuna · 04-18-09, 07:19 AM

Nice one

Jesus and satan were having an on-going argument about who was better on the computer.

They had been going at it for days, and frankly God was tired of hearing all the bickering.

Finally fed up, God said, "THAT'S IT! I have had enough. I am going to set up a test that will run for two hours, and from those results, I will judge who does the better job."

So satan and Jesus sat down at the keyboards and typed away.

They moused.

They faxed.

They e-mailed.

They e-mailed with attachments.

They downloaded.

They did spreadsheets!

They wrote reports.

They created labels and cards.

They created charts and graphs.

They did some genealogy reports.

They did every job known to man.

Jesus worked with heavenly efficiency and satan was faster than hell.

Then, ten minutes before their time was up, lightning suddenly flashed across the sky, thunder rolled, rain poured, and, of course, the power went off...

Satan stared at his blank screen and screamed every curse word known in the underworld.

Jesus just sighed.

Finally the electricity came back on, and each of them restarted their computers.

Satan started searching frantically, screaming:

"It's gone! It's all GONE! I lost everything when the power went out!"

Meanwhile, Jesus quietly started printing out all of his files from the past two hours of work...

Satan observed this and became irate.

"Wait!" he screamed.

"That's not fair! He cheated! How come he has all his work and I don't have any?"

God just shrugged his shoulders and said, JESUS SAVES...

U-104 · 04-18-09, 12:02 PM

Platapus · 04-18-09, 12:12 PM

Jesus Saves, all other take 2D6 damage.

Sailor Steve · 04-18-09, 01:15 PM

Planning to end the Good vs Evil argument once and for all, God tells Satan he's going to resolve it in court.

Satan says "Bad idea. You'll lose."

God asks him "What makes you think so?"

Satan replies "Where are you going to find a lawyer?"

Arclight · 04-18-09, 02:16 PM

:rotfl:
Took me a second, but nice one.

*

666 posts and I wind up in a Satan thread. What are the odds?

Sailor Steve · 04-18-09, 02:43 PM

In your case, pretty good!

Sorry, couldn't resist.:rotfl:

Arclight · 04-18-09, 04:15 PM

:rotfl:
Yeah, I'm the satanic demon spawn from Holland, pretty well known fact.

Geno_Mariner · 04-18-09, 05:39 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by jimbuna

Nice one

Jesus and satan were having an on-going argument about who was better on the computer.

They had been going at it for days, and frankly God was tired of hearing all the bickering.

Finally fed up, God said, "THAT'S IT! I have had enough. I am going to set up a test that will run for two hours, and from those results, I will judge who does the better job."

So satan and Jesus sat down at the keyboards and typed away.

They moused.

They faxed.

They e-mailed.

They e-mailed with attachments.

They downloaded.

They did spreadsheets!

They wrote reports.

They created labels and cards.

They created charts and graphs.

They did some genealogy reports.

They did every job known to man.

Jesus worked with heavenly efficiency and satan was faster than hell.

Then, ten minutes before their time was up, lightning suddenly flashed across the sky, thunder rolled, rain poured, and, of course, the power went off...

Satan stared at his blank screen and screamed every curse word known in the underworld.

Jesus just sighed.

Finally the electricity came back on, and each of them restarted their computers.

Satan started searching frantically, screaming:

"It's gone! It's all GONE! I lost everything when the power went out!"

Meanwhile, Jesus quietly started printing out all of his files from the past two hours of work...

Satan observed this and became irate.

"Wait!" he screamed.

"That's not fair! He cheated! How come he has all his work and I don't have any?"

God just shrugged his shoulders and said, JESUS SAVES...

:rotfl::rotfl::rotfl:
That is hilarious XD

04-17-09, 09:04 PM	#1
SUBMAN1 Rear Admiral Join Date: Apr 2005 Posts: 11,866 Downloads: 0 Uploads: 0	Satan A few minutes before the church services started, the congregation was sitting in their pews and talking. Suddenly, Satan appeared at the front of the church. Everyone started screaming and running for the front entrance, trampling each other in a frantic effort to get away from evil incarnate. Soon the church was empty except for one elderly gentleman who sat calmly in his pew without moving, seemingly oblivious to the fact that God's ultimate enemy was in his presence. So Satan walked up to the man and said "Do you know who I am?" The man replied "Yep, sure do." "Aren't you afraid of me?" Satan asked. "Nope, sure ain't" said the man. "Don 't you realize I can kill you with one word?" asked Satan. "Don 't doubt it for a minute" returned the old man, in an even tone. "Did you know that I can cause you profound, horrifying AGONY for all eternity?" persisted Satan. "Yep" was the calm reply. "And you are still not afraid?" asked Satan. "Nope" said the old man. More than a little perturbed, Satan asked "Why aren't you afraid of me?" The man calmly replied "Been married to your sister for 48 years !" __________________

04-17-09, 09:12 PM	#2
A Very Super Market The Old Man Join Date: Dec 2008 Location: Deep in the Wild Canadian suburbs. Posts: 1,468 Downloads: 0 Uploads: 0	You're telling jokes now? Cool. It was pretty funny. __________________ The entire German garrison of Vanviken, right here in your thread!

04-18-09, 12:48 AM	#4
bookworm_020 Navy Seal Join Date: Aug 2005 Location: Sinking ships off the Australian coast Posts: 5,966 Downloads: 1 Uploads: 0	That even got a laugh from my wife.... just before she threw something heavy at me, will tell you more after I get back from the hospital! __________________ "There is always one person in any organization who knows whats going on, That person must be fired"

04-18-09, 03:40 AM	#5
Hitman Pacific Aces Dev Team Join Date: Sep 2002 Location: Spain Posts: 6,109 Downloads: 109 Uploads: 2	Do you guys know what is the difference between a sorceress and a witch? No? 10 years of marriage __________________ One day I will return to sea ...

04-18-09, 03:44 AM	#6
HunterICX Rear Admiral Join Date: May 2006 Location: Malaga, España Posts: 10,750 Downloads: 8 Uploads: 0	Nice one HunterICX __________________

04-18-09, 07:19 AM	#8
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 190,615 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	Nice one Jesus and satan were having an on-going argument about who was better on the computer. They had been going at it for days, and frankly God was tired of hearing all the bickering. Finally fed up, God said, "THAT'S IT! I have had enough. I am going to set up a test that will run for two hours, and from those results, I will judge who does the better job." So satan and Jesus sat down at the keyboards and typed away. They moused. They faxed. They e-mailed. They e-mailed with attachments. They downloaded. They did spreadsheets! They wrote reports. They created labels and cards. They created charts and graphs. They did some genealogy reports. They did every job known to man. Jesus worked with heavenly efficiency and satan was faster than hell. Then, ten minutes before their time was up, lightning suddenly flashed across the sky, thunder rolled, rain poured, and, of course, the power went off... Satan stared at his blank screen and screamed every curse word known in the underworld. Jesus just sighed. Finally the electricity came back on, and each of them restarted their computers. Satan started searching frantically, screaming: "It's gone! It's all GONE! I lost everything when the power went out!" Meanwhile, Jesus quietly started printing out all of his files from the past two hours of work... Satan observed this and became irate. "Wait!" he screamed. "That's not fair! He cheated! How come he has all his work and I don't have any?" God just shrugged his shoulders and said, JESUS SAVES... __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!!

04-18-09, 12:02 PM	#9
U-104 Grey Wolf Join Date: Aug 2005 Location: United States Posts: 797 Downloads: 187 Uploads: 0	__________________ My heart is steadfast, O God. I will sing and make music with all my soul. Ps. 108:1 Survival of the fittest does not explain arrival of the fittest. we live in a single spoken sentence.. "God said, let there be"

04-18-09, 12:12 PM	#10
Platapus Fleet Admiral Join Date: Oct 2006 Posts: 19,377 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 0	Jesus Saves, all other take 2D6 damage. __________________ abusus non tollit usum - A right should NOT be withheld from people on the basis that some tend to abuse that right.

04-18-09, 01:15 PM	#11
Sailor Steve Eternal Patrol Join Date: Nov 2002 Location: High in the mountains of Utah Posts: 50,369 Downloads: 745 Uploads: 249	Planning to end the Good vs Evil argument once and for all, God tells Satan he's going to resolve it in court. Satan says "Bad idea. You'll lose." God asks him "What makes you think so?" Satan replies "Where are you going to find a lawyer?" __________________ “Never do anything you can't take back.” —Rocky Russo

04-18-09, 02:16 PM	#12
Arclight Navy Seal Join Date: Jun 2008 Location: Land of windmills, tulips, wooden shoes and cheese. Lots of cheese. Posts: 8,467 Downloads: 53 Uploads: 10	:rotfl: Took me a second, but nice one. * 666 posts and I wind up in a Satan thread. What are the odds? __________________ Contritium praecedit superbia.

04-18-09, 02:43 PM	#13
Sailor Steve Eternal Patrol Join Date: Nov 2002 Location: High in the mountains of Utah Posts: 50,369 Downloads: 745 Uploads: 249	In your case, pretty good! Sorry, couldn't resist.:rotfl: __________________ “Never do anything you can't take back.” —Rocky Russo

04-18-09, 04:15 PM	#14
Arclight Navy Seal Join Date: Jun 2008 Location: Land of windmills, tulips, wooden shoes and cheese. Lots of cheese. Posts: 8,467 Downloads: 53 Uploads: 10	:rotfl: Yeah, I'm the satanic demon spawn from Holland, pretty well known fact. __________________ Contritium praecedit superbia.