A sad, but realistic attitude of my elderly neighbor

Platapus · 09-04-22, 06:32 AM

I live in a geezer community. It is euphemistically called "active 55+", but it is a geezer community. I have great neighbors.

One of my neighbors who lives a few houses down has a husband that is not well. His health has been deteriorating for many years. It got to the point when he needed 27/7 home care. The wife was confiding in me that they had no idea how expensive this was and it was not sustainable.
Finally, his health deteriorated to the point where he needed to be moved to an assisted living facility. This turned to be slightly less expensive than the home care, but it still costs a lot.

This neighbor told me something sad, but also realistic.

"I hope he dies before the money runs out as I don't know what I can do otherwise."

Yikes!

They have good insurance but there are limits. This made me think of the importance of supplemental care insurance. Medical science can now keep us alive for longer than we can afford, it seams.

It was a chilling conversation.

mapuc · 09-04-22, 07:01 AM

Thank you Platapus your story tells me, why we never shall have same system here in Denmark or Sweden
I tell you I'm glad I pay around 40 % In income tax and 25 % VAT of thing I buy- I can rely on help if I should get very ill and need it 24/7 until the day I die.

Edit
The story is very sad-There should not be a limit for how long time her husband needs help.
It should not be based on how much they have paid in insurance.
End edit

Markus

Skybird · 09-04-22, 07:36 AM

As a student, for short time I also was stationed in a gerontopsychiatric ward, voluntarily. In those few weeks I learned two important things.

First, on such stations, psychologists can do almost nothign for patients, and focus more on the rest of the family trying to come to terms with the situation, may it be sadness, may it be anger.

Second, the price for "living as long as possible" easily can get far too high, not just financially, but also regarding life quality, and not just for the individual in question, but also for all those around it.

I question this goal of modern medicine: to keep people alive as long as possible, "no matter what". Often, intense commercial interests are behind doing so.

For myself, living all alone and having no family, it is clear for me that I will try to live on as long as my body and mind allow me to live self-sustained and self-controlled and my money is sufficient. If any of these conditions is no longer fulfilled, I then will implement certain final decisions myself while I am still able to do so. To end up in an old people's home and be completely controlled by others and bored to death, that's an absolute horror for me. Maximum punishment. I have lived my whole life alone - and in the last gasps of breath I should suddenly want to wallow in a deportation yard for elder people? No, thanks. When your time has come, it has come, and one day everything ends for all of us. Nothing is to be proven in life and by living as long as "possible", its no sports competition and there are no medals to be won. What it is is a some joy and some pain, and often it is more of the latter than the first. Each of us must decide for himself from what ratio on it is no longer worth it for him. Nobody has to criticise such individual decisions, and nobody has any claim to make regading what the other's decision should be like.

All living is suffering, said Buddha. But he also showed how to end suffering. Not to cling, and not to want to confuse the impermanent with the imperishable. Because most of the suffering arises from the fact that we want to make the perishable everlasting and we then cling to it. Necessarily, this gives birth to existential disappointment, without exception, every time. We do not suffer because the world is not in order - the world just is what it is, but we suffer because WE are not in order.

Aktungbby · 09-04-22, 10:43 AM

Having worked security in large 1000+ well-regarded senior home facilities, replete with alzheimer wards of hospital-smocked dementia-zombies in Depends shambling around all night; still living persons erroneously placed in the facility repository to await the undertaker...while still breathing,

and having placed my demented parents in similar facilities...the horrific situation is to be avoided utterly so as not to become a burden to others...by whatever means necessary. Several elderly persons I've known have opted to remove themselves, ie: refusing any medical attention, refusing food, or simply placing a plastic bag over their head...What, with Covid, global warming, breakdown of social order, pending WWIII...and the estimated/predicted end of civilization, ca 2040, worrying over a lifespan is hardly a priority.

em2nought · 09-04-22, 10:47 AM

I'm going up on Everest to join green boots. I'd wear Trump boots, but then I'd surely get desecrated by some democrat who made the trip just for that spiteful reason

Platapus · 09-04-22, 11:11 AM

Wow, way to make this story political.

09-04-22, 06:32 AM	#1
Platapus Fleet Admiral Join Date: Oct 2006 Posts: 19,382 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 0	A sad, but realistic attitude of my elderly neighbor I live in a geezer community. It is euphemistically called "active 55+", but it is a geezer community. I have great neighbors. One of my neighbors who lives a few houses down has a husband that is not well. His health has been deteriorating for many years. It got to the point when he needed 27/7 home care. The wife was confiding in me that they had no idea how expensive this was and it was not sustainable. Finally, his health deteriorated to the point where he needed to be moved to an assisted living facility. This turned to be slightly less expensive than the home care, but it still costs a lot. This neighbor told me something sad, but also realistic. "I hope he dies before the money runs out as I don't know what I can do otherwise." Yikes! They have good insurance but there are limits. This made me think of the importance of supplemental care insurance. Medical science can now keep us alive for longer than we can afford, it seams. It was a chilling conversation. __________________ abusus non tollit usum - A right should NOT be withheld from people on the basis that some tend to abuse that right.

09-04-22, 07:01 AM	#2
mapuc CINC Pacific Fleet Join Date: Sep 2003 Location: Denmark Posts: 20,543 Downloads: 37 Uploads: 0	Thank you Platapus your story tells me, why we never shall have same system here in Denmark or Sweden I tell you I'm glad I pay around 40 % In income tax and 25 % VAT of thing I buy- I can rely on help if I should get very ill and need it 24/7 until the day I die. Edit The story is very sad-There should not be a limit for how long time her husband needs help. It should not be based on how much they have paid in insurance. End edit Markus __________________ My little lovely female cat

09-04-22, 07:36 AM	#3
Skybird Soaring Join Date: Sep 2001 Location: the mental asylum named Germany Posts: 42,676 Downloads: 10 Uploads: 0	As a student, for short time I also was stationed in a gerontopsychiatric ward, voluntarily. In those few weeks I learned two important things. First, on such stations, psychologists can do almost nothign for patients, and focus more on the rest of the family trying to come to terms with the situation, may it be sadness, may it be anger. Second, the price for "living as long as possible" easily can get far too high, not just financially, but also regarding life quality, and not just for the individual in question, but also for all those around it. I question this goal of modern medicine: to keep people alive as long as possible, "no matter what". Often, intense commercial interests are behind doing so. For myself, living all alone and having no family, it is clear for me that I will try to live on as long as my body and mind allow me to live self-sustained and self-controlled and my money is sufficient. If any of these conditions is no longer fulfilled, I then will implement certain final decisions myself while I am still able to do so. To end up in an old people's home and be completely controlled by others and bored to death, that's an absolute horror for me. Maximum punishment. I have lived my whole life alone - and in the last gasps of breath I should suddenly want to wallow in a deportation yard for elder people? No, thanks. When your time has come, it has come, and one day everything ends for all of us. Nothing is to be proven in life and by living as long as "possible", its no sports competition and there are no medals to be won. What it is is a some joy and some pain, and often it is more of the latter than the first. Each of us must decide for himself from what ratio on it is no longer worth it for him. Nobody has to criticise such individual decisions, and nobody has any claim to make regading what the other's decision should be like. All living is suffering, said Buddha. But he also showed how to end suffering. Not to cling, and not to want to confuse the impermanent with the imperishable. Because most of the suffering arises from the fact that we want to make the perishable everlasting and we then cling to it. Necessarily, this gives birth to existential disappointment, without exception, every time. We do not suffer because the world is not in order - the world just is what it is, but we suffer because WE are not in order. __________________ If you feel nuts, consult an expert.

09-04-22, 10:43 AM	#4
Aktungbby Gefallen Engel U-666 Join Date: Jul 2013 Location: On a tilted, overheated, overpopulated spinning mudball on Collision course with Andromeda Galaxy Posts: 30,037 Downloads: 24 Uploads: 0	Having worked security in large 1000+ well-regarded senior home facilities, replete with alzheimer wards of hospital-smocked dementia-zombies in Depends shambling around all night; still living persons erroneously placed in the facility repository to await the undertaker...while still breathing, and having placed my demented parents in similar facilities...the horrific situation is to be avoided utterly so as not to become a burden to others...by whatever means necessary. Several elderly persons I've known have opted to remove themselves, ie: refusing any medical attention, refusing food, or simply placing a plastic bag over their head...What, with Covid, global warming, breakdown of social order, pending WWIII...and the estimated/predicted end of civilization, ca 2040, worrying over a lifespan is hardly a priority. __________________ "Only two things are infinite; The Universe and human squirrelyness?!! Last edited by Aktungbby; 09-04-22 at 11:19 AM.

09-04-22, 10:47 AM	#5
em2nought Ocean Warrior Join Date: Mar 2004 Posts: 3,485 Downloads: 0 Uploads: 0	I'm going up on Everest to join green boots. I'd wear Trump boots, but then I'd surely get desecrated by some democrat who made the trip just for that spiteful reason __________________ em2nought is ecstatic garbage!

09-04-22, 11:11 AM	#6
Platapus Fleet Admiral Join Date: Oct 2006 Posts: 19,382 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 0	Wow, way to make this story political. __________________ abusus non tollit usum - A right should NOT be withheld from people on the basis that some tend to abuse that right.