Puns

AVGWarhawk · 12-09-11, 01:13 PM

The fattest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi.

I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian.

She was only a whiskey maker, but he loved her still.

A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class, because it was a weapon of math disruption.

No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery.

A dog gave birth to puppies near the road, and was cited for littering.

A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.

Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.

A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking into it.

Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.

Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat said to the other: 'You stay here; I'll go on a head."

I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.

The midget fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.

The soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.

A backward poet writes inverse.

In a democracy it's your vote that counts. In feudalism it's your count that votes.

When cannibals ate a missionary, they got a taste of religion.

If you jumped off the bridge in Paris, you'd be in Seine.

Two fish swim into a concrete wall. One turns to the other and says 'Dam!'

Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.

Two hydrogen atoms meet. One says, 'I've lost my electron." The other says 'Are you sure?' The first replies, 'Yes, I'm positive."

Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root canal? His goal: transcend dental medication.

There was the person who sent ten puns to friends, with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh. No pun in ten did.

frau kaleun · 12-09-11, 02:47 PM

Pffffffft.

Nobody loves a good (bad) pun more than I do, but seriously... I don't have time for this right now. I'm reading this great new physics book. It's all about anti-gravity and I just can't put it down.

12-09-11, 02:58 PM

Just before stumbling into this thread I was discussing that new smoke-house flavoured umbrella drink with my physician friend saying "It's a hickory daiquiri, Doc."

frau kaleun · 12-09-11, 03:11 PM

Good one! I was gonna write it down for future reference, but after looking everywhere for a pencil it turned out every one I had was broken off at the tip. It really was a pointless exercise.

Arlo · 12-09-11, 03:24 PM

'Calembour cadaver' : Pun thread brought back from the dead.

Jimbuna · 12-09-11, 05:00 PM

Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He's all right now.

Kongo Otto · 12-20-11, 10:43 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by frau kaleun

I'm reading this great new physics book. It's all about anti-gravity and I just can't put it down.

Jimbuna · 12-21-11, 08:31 AM

Old photographers never die, they just stop developing.

Karle94 · 12-21-11, 12:34 PM

In the last few years, icy roads are the only thing that has knocked me off my feet. I`ve always said that mother nature is my only natural enemy.

Jimbuna · 12-21-11, 06:18 PM

A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking into it.

12-09-11, 01:13 PM	#1
AVGWarhawk Lucky Jack Join Date: Jun 2005 Location: In a 1954 Buick. Posts: 28,271 Downloads: 90 Uploads: 0	Puns The fattest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi. I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian. She was only a whiskey maker, but he loved her still. A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class, because it was a weapon of math disruption. No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery. A dog gave birth to puppies near the road, and was cited for littering. A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart. Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie. A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking into it. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana. Atheism is a non-prophet organization. Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat said to the other: 'You stay here; I'll go on a head." I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me. The midget fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large. The soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran. A backward poet writes inverse. In a democracy it's your vote that counts. In feudalism it's your count that votes. When cannibals ate a missionary, they got a taste of religion. If you jumped off the bridge in Paris, you'd be in Seine. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. One turns to the other and says 'Dam!' Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can't have your kayak and heat it too. Two hydrogen atoms meet. One says, 'I've lost my electron." The other says 'Are you sure?' The first replies, 'Yes, I'm positive." Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root canal? His goal: transcend dental medication. There was the person who sent ten puns to friends, with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh. No pun in ten did. __________________ “You're painfully alive in a drugged and dying culture.” ― Richard Yates, Revolutionary Road

12-09-11, 03:24 PM	#5
Arlo The Old Man Join Date: Nov 2003 Posts: 1,304 Downloads: 214 Uploads: 0	'Calembour cadaver' : Pun thread brought back from the dead. __________________ -Arlo

12-09-11, 05:00 PM	#6
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 190,592 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He's all right now. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!!

12-21-11, 08:31 AM	#8
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 190,592 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	Old photographers never die, they just stop developing. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!!

12-21-11, 12:34 PM	#9
Karle94 The Old Man Join Date: Mar 2009 Location: Norseland Posts: 1,355 Downloads: 253 Uploads: 0	In the last few years, icy roads are the only thing that has knocked me off my feet. I`ve always said that mother nature is my only natural enemy. __________________ Find my mods here: https://www.mediafire.com/folder/lzgciodldp58p/SH4_Mods My SH4 blog here: http://karle94.blogspot.com/

12-09-11, 02:47 PM	#2
frau kaleun Rear Admiral Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Skyri--oh who are we kidding, I'm probably at Lowe's. Again. Posts: 12,706 Downloads: 168 Uploads: 0	Pffffffft. Nobody loves a good (bad) pun more than I do, but seriously... I don't have time for this right now. I'm reading this great new physics book. It's all about anti-gravity and I just can't put it down.

12-09-11, 02:58 PM	#3
Randomizer Stowaway Posts: n/a Downloads: Uploads:	Just before stumbling into this thread I was discussing that new smoke-house flavoured umbrella drink with my physician friend saying "It's a hickory daiquiri, Doc."

12-09-11, 03:11 PM	#4
frau kaleun Rear Admiral Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Skyri--oh who are we kidding, I'm probably at Lowe's. Again. Posts: 12,706 Downloads: 168 Uploads: 0	Good one! I was gonna write it down for future reference, but after looking everywhere for a pencil it turned out every one I had was broken off at the tip. It really was a pointless exercise.

12-21-11, 06:18 PM	#10
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 190,592 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking into it. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!!