U-555 (Story)

JokerOfFate · 09-15-10, 09:04 AM

I thought that I'd give this story thing a try, I wanted to be a writer when I was 13 and I wrote a few books but never showed them to anyone, so I like to try this and if it works I may contiue it and if not I'll drop it.

I've got some ideas in mind so will post something soon.

JokerOfFate · 09-15-10, 09:29 AM

U-555
Me and my new Medic, Dr.Zimmerman, were walking to the U-555 to start my next patrol.
"Is that a U-boat?" he asked.
"No" I replied "Mine is the next one down"
He give me a strange look, but never said anything else.
We got to U-555 and took off into the unknown, mostly because we left the map behind.

While on patrol we encountered a convoy.
"What are we going to do?" asked my Chief
"We're going to attack!" I said
"Whats the plan?" he asked
"Well..." I replied "I guess we fire some eels at them"
"I think it would be a better idea to fire torpedoes" he said
"Yeah, fire some of those too" I replied

End of part one.

JokerOfFate · 09-15-10, 12:54 PM

While we were debating what sea creatures we are going fire two escorts spotted us and opened fire.
"Crash dive" I yelled
"We're already under water,sir" Said my Cheif
"Oh, then why are they shooting at us?" I asked
"You left the Periscope up,sir"
"Damage Report!" I snapped
"Here,sir" said one of my crew handing me a sheet of paper
It reads:
(P)=PROBLEM (S)=SOLUTION

(P) 1st torpedeo tube almost needs replacement
(S) Almost replaced 1st torpedeo tube

(P) Fuel tank seeping fluid
(S) Fuel tank seepage normal

(P) Something loose in compresser
(S) Something tightened in compresser

(P) Evidence of leak in toilet
(S) Evidence removed

(P) Hydrophone volume unbelievably loud
(S) Volume set to more believable level

(P) Radar inoperative
(S) Radar always inoperative in OFF mode

(P) Electric engine 3 missing
(S) Never actually was installed

(P) Boat handles funny
(S) Boat warned to straighten up and be serious!

(P) Radar hums
(S) Reprogrammed Radar with the lyrics

End of part 2

Any tips or help always welcome

JokerOfFate · 09-15-10, 02:56 PM

Winter 1941
"What do we do when it gets very cold and the water freezes." asks my Weapons officer
"You get out and push" I say
We are all freezing cold and in a bad mood.
"Ship spotted,sir" yells my Watch officer
"What kind of ship?" I ask
"A big one, sir" He replies
"Anything else?"
"It's odd looking"
"Ok, grab the manual and look up big odd looking ship" I say to the crew
They start looking and I go up to see what it is.
"You do known what this is?" I say
"No, sir" he replies
"It's an Iceberg!" I shout at him"or the allies have got new camo"
"Should we attack it?"
"Yes, now fetch the Chief's blow dryer" I cry.

End of Part 3
I'd like to know what you guys think, it's getting lonely on this topic

JEuler · 09-15-10, 03:42 PM

timmy41 · 09-15-10, 03:57 PM

The jokes are slapstick funny, which is enjoyable, but what happened between 2 and 3? Are they supposed to have continuity?

09-15-10, 09:04 AM	#1
JokerOfFate Sonar Guy Join Date: Aug 2010 Posts: 387 Downloads: 7 Uploads: 0	U-555 (Story) I thought that I'd give this story thing a try, I wanted to be a writer when I was 13 and I wrote a few books but never showed them to anyone, so I like to try this and if it works I may contiue it and if not I'll drop it. I've got some ideas in mind so will post something soon.

09-15-10, 09:29 AM	#2
JokerOfFate Sonar Guy Join Date: Aug 2010 Posts: 387 Downloads: 7 Uploads: 0	U-555 Me and my new Medic, Dr.Zimmerman, were walking to the U-555 to start my next patrol. "Is that a U-boat?" he asked. "No" I replied "Mine is the next one down" He give me a strange look, but never said anything else. We got to U-555 and took off into the unknown, mostly because we left the map behind. While on patrol we encountered a convoy. "What are we going to do?" asked my Chief "We're going to attack!" I said "Whats the plan?" he asked "Well..." I replied "I guess we fire some eels at them" "I think it would be a better idea to fire torpedoes" he said "Yeah, fire some of those too" I replied End of part one.

09-15-10, 12:54 PM	#3
JokerOfFate Sonar Guy Join Date: Aug 2010 Posts: 387 Downloads: 7 Uploads: 0	While we were debating what sea creatures we are going fire two escorts spotted us and opened fire. "Crash dive" I yelled "We're already under water,sir" Said my Cheif "Oh, then why are they shooting at us?" I asked "You left the Periscope up,sir" "Damage Report!" I snapped "Here,sir" said one of my crew handing me a sheet of paper It reads: (P)=PROBLEM (S)=SOLUTION (P) 1st torpedeo tube almost needs replacement (S) Almost replaced 1st torpedeo tube (P) Fuel tank seeping fluid (S) Fuel tank seepage normal (P) Something loose in compresser (S) Something tightened in compresser (P) Evidence of leak in toilet (S) Evidence removed (P) Hydrophone volume unbelievably loud (S) Volume set to more believable level (P) Radar inoperative (S) Radar always inoperative in OFF mode (P) Electric engine 3 missing (S) Never actually was installed (P) Boat handles funny (S) Boat warned to straighten up and be serious! (P) Radar hums (S) Reprogrammed Radar with the lyrics End of part 2 Any tips or help always welcome

09-15-10, 02:56 PM	#4
JokerOfFate Sonar Guy Join Date: Aug 2010 Posts: 387 Downloads: 7 Uploads: 0	Winter 1941 "What do we do when it gets very cold and the water freezes." asks my Weapons officer "You get out and push" I say We are all freezing cold and in a bad mood. "Ship spotted,sir" yells my Watch officer "What kind of ship?" I ask "A big one, sir" He replies "Anything else?" "It's odd looking" "Ok, grab the manual and look up big odd looking ship" I say to the crew They start looking and I go up to see what it is. "You do known what this is?" I say "No, sir" he replies "It's an Iceberg!" I shout at him"or the allies have got new camo" "Should we attack it?" "Yes, now fetch the Chief's blow dryer" I cry. End of Part 3 I'd like to know what you guys think, it's getting lonely on this topic

09-15-10, 03:42 PM	#5
JEuler Mate Join Date: Aug 2009 Posts: 54 Downloads: 54 Uploads: 0

09-15-10, 03:57 PM	#6
timmy41 Weps Join Date: Mar 2010 Posts: 367 Downloads: 9 Uploads: 0	The jokes are slapstick funny, which is enjoyable, but what happened between 2 and 3? Are they supposed to have continuity?