What next? (Story)

[TabbyHunter]

USS Springfield, Los Angles class.
December 6th, 2009.
Comander: Lt Cmdr McCrea.
Mission: Sea Trials.
Station: Pearl Harbor.

"Take her to periscope depth XO." McCrea said as the Springfield sailed due west, towards Wake Island.

As the air hissed out, sonar man Jonesey noticed a contact. "Con, sonar. I have one contact, bearing 090, range 350 miles out."

McCrea walked to the sonar room. "Jonesey, what'ch got?" McCrea stood at the door while the sonar technition did his best.

"Sir, the one contact has just turned into a whole fleet. I count 28 ships. Give me a minute sir." Jonesey focused on his consol as the comander watched in silence.

After a few minutes, Jonesey looked up, and said, "Sir, i think we have just stumbled apon a Japanese task force. The same one that attacked Pearl Harbor. I count 6 carriers,2 battle ships,three cruiseres, and 8 tankers."

The comander droped his mug. "Jonsey, tell me your jokeing. That was in '41! This is 2009!"

"Sir i wish i was joking, but im not." Jonsey did multiple checks of the sonar while McCrea went back to the con.

Looking around, the comander didnt understand. He had to be dreaming, right? 'This is no dream.' he thought to himself as he mad his decition. "XO, bring us to flank speed and dive to 250 feet."

The XO, not understanding the order, gave it anyways, and walked over to the captain. "Sir, whats the course?" The skipper pointed to the map.

"Right there, and as soon as we get into position, call the crew to battle stations." The XO went to give the course, and the skipper went back to the sonar station, only to confirm the Japenese task force.



So, what do you guys think? For the sake of the story, please dont yell about the fact that Springfield is the "newest" Los Angles class. Coments and writeing tips are welcome!

[ETR3(SS)]

First impression is The Hunt for Red October meets The Final Countdown. Keep going with it I say! Oh and Springfield isn't the newest 688i.

[TabbyHunter]

Someone gets 2 cookies for both referance's. Jonsey fro The Hunt for Red October and back in time from The Final countdown. Im not sure how i want the next part to go, and it might come down to what people comment.

[rein1705]

something like an EMP blast, then suddenly they discover there's no microwave or radio traffic overhead and they cannot find the satellite network to link up with command. Just an idea mate i like to write too.

[TabbyHunter]

Okay.

My ideas are

A) Springfield moves into position, fires her four torps, and has to dive deep from oncomeing destoryers.

B)Fires her four torps, dosent get picked up by destroyers, and continues to fire till the Japanese are sunk.

C) Take a hint from The Final Countdown and does nothing whatsoever...

Or D) Radio's Pearl Harbor, informs them of the oncomeing raid, and sinks only one carrier and a battleship.

[rein1705]

i would think there would be mass confusion among your officers in control let alone the rest of the boat. Someone would demand positive visual identification of the Jap fleet then all hell would break loose in the control room, arguments over what should be done and just what was going on. you would probably be forced to wait until the attack commenced to make your counter attack. Warn pearl. They might believe you but then again would you have the radio freq? and the Japs would have to hear it too you dont have the coding equipment carried at the time. a lot has changed since 41. I bet a Diesel boat crew would take weeks to sort out how to just manage a 688i

I like where this is going though, keep it up.

[CaptainMattJ.]

Originally Posted by TabbyHunter

Okay.

My ideas are

A) Springfield moves into position, fires her four torps, and has to dive deep from oncomeing destoryers.

B)Fires her four torps, dosent get picked up by destroyers, and continues to fire till the Japanese are sunk.

C) Take a hint from The Final Countdown and does nothing whatsoever...

Or D) Radio's Pearl Harbor, informs them of the oncoming raid, and sinks only one carrier and a battleship.

Are you joking? that one sub could take out a single task force with a flick of the wrist. one tactical nuclear missile and bye bye. Plus, they wouldnt be this close and detecting it JUST now.

This entire story is quite flawed. QUITE flawed. if your using a Nuclear sub, then game over. one modern nuke sub has more firepower then ALL bombs dropped in the entire War. including, you guessed it! NUKES. they couldve picked this fleet up from mars. just about one of the hardest things to do in modern naval warfare is detecting a nuclear sub. the nuke sub couldve been sitting on the Aircraft Carriers deck and they wouldntve seen it. i suggest you redo this whole get-up. instead of making it a nuclear sub, how about making it a balao class from the near future. in fact that sounds extremely interesting. you could research a balalo class that met its maker and make it so that right before they met their end, they vanished in a wormhole and reappeared there. thats cool. but continuing with nuclear subs is totally out of whack. the japs never even wouldve caught a glimpse of the sub on any detection equipment. so again i suggest you change this, if your actually thinking about publishing a book.

and also your characters seem so casual about the fact they jumped 75 years into the past and landed next to a jap task force responsible for pearl harbor. plus, they also wouldtve known that they were japs or hat knid of warships or pretty much anything about them. Its alright for a story that doesnt go into a book, but i am 100% certain if this book is somehow accepted by a publisher and put on the market that it wont sell 1 copy. HOWEVER the basic idea is fun and exciting. and if this is just a basic outline, then if you change some stuff itll be pretty interesting.

this is all constructive criticism, just so you know. Just giving some advice, so dont take it the wrong way. good luck.