krashkart's What Makes America Suck?

[krashkart]

I've tried in the past on various forums to strike up conversation about America. That is, America from the outside looking in. Had some success with it, even learned where to get cheap diesel... now if only I lived in Europe that would come in handy.

So, I have some time to burn at the moment. I am waiting for a fresh install of SH3 to complete, and I figured that I should try opening a new discussion.

And now comes the great question:

World, what makes America suck?

If nothing else, humor me. I want to know where all the cheap diesel is.

[TarJak]

OK for the humor, (sic), spelling is one of the things that makes America suck.

It is spelled H-U-M-O-U-R!!!! Same as color is spelled C-O-L-O-U-R!!!

Get it right then you can join the civilised world. BTW note the spelling of civilised! There is no zed (not zee), in it, never was, never will be. (Except in America).

[Schroeder]

You don't know what football is.

[Oberon]

1783

[August]

America sucks because we are too awesome for the rest of the world except for maybe the Assies who unfortunately keep acting more and more like the Pommies they are descended from.

[Onkel Neal]

Originally Posted by Oberon

1783

[CaptainHaplo]

Hmmmm - 1783 - Treaty of Paris - Britain formally recognizes the independance of America....

1783 was a bad thing? Well Oberon, should we have sent Cornwallis home in a bag, his head in a bucket to be delivered to the monarch? Should we have then built our own navy and sailed East, invading England and showing the French and Spanish how it should be done?

There are significant reasons why the US sucks - though I do have to say the suckage is outweighed by the good. But, if you want to point out flaws in our nation, go ahead. I can name a number of them.

#1. Nowhere in this country can you get a really authentic dark German Beer. (I don't drink anymore, but every once in a while a good heavy vison style brew would be nice)

#2. The most powerful non-caucasian man in the history of this country..... still lives in government housing. Whats up with that????

#3. Only in America......can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance.

#4. Only in America......are there handicap parking places in front of a skating rink.

#5. Only in America......do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.

#6. Only in America......do people order double cheese burgers, large fries, and a diet coke.

#7. Only in America......do banks leave both doors open and then chain the pens to the counters.

#8. Only in America......do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and put our useless junk in the garage.

#9. Only in America......do we use answering machines to screen calls and then have call waiting so we won't miss a call from someone we didn't want to talk to in the first place.

#10. Only in America......do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight.

#11. Only in America.....do we use the word 'politics' to describe the process so well: 'Poli' in Latin meaning 'many' and 'tics' meaning 'bloodsucking creatures'.

#12. Only in America......do we have drive-up ATM machines with Braille lettering.

[krashkart]

Originally Posted by Oberon

1783

Oh, yeah. That. Sorry about that part.

*scratches neck*

We kinda lost our minds after the uh, you know, the little tea rebellion. It's been said that English tea of the day took on psychotropic properties when exposed to the waters of Boston Harbor. Maybe some of our ancestors, you know, ingested some of that water by accident and... *sigh* well the rest is history.

But look on the bright side: Those thirteen colonies grew to fifty states, and they brought you greasy fast food and infomercials. That's gotta count for something, right?

*tries to pull off a convincing smile, doesn't quite get it right*



*facepalm*

Where's a press secretary when you need one.



Personal Notes:


It seems that some of them have an unusual manner of spelling common words. This may be of great importance. I must report this find immediately to Chief Linguist Quayle.

Additionally, I must learn more of this 'football' the Schroeder fellow speaks of. It is apparent that football as we know it has sprouted anew in other countries. From brief research it would appear that their football is an evolution of our own. Perhaps our majestic influence is beginning to take hold. The Devil's Advocate General will be most pleased to investigate this matter. Now we just need to get them all hooked on Schlitz.

Our patriot brother August has arrived. Perhaps he brought a press secretary with him.


*looks up*

Hey! Stop peeking at my notes!

[frau kaleun]

[Dowly]

Originally Posted by frau kaleun

I call and raise with a cat.

[ReFaN]

Originally Posted by Dowly

I call and raise with a cat.

i go all in with someone asking for help

[frau kaleun]

Originally Posted by Dowly

I call and raise with a cat.

[AVGWarhawk]

This should be good...ready? Set? GO!!!!!!!!!