Zergkrieg - A HOI2 AAR

Oberon · 11-21-09, 11:10 AM

ZERGKRIEG

or

'Right you Soviet bastards, this time I mean it...'

or

'Oberon gets his backside handed to him by the Soviets yet again'.

A long time ago, in a Reich far far away, a meeting was taking place between the Fuhrer and his top planners.

"Right you lot...this is the fourth time I've played this game and every time I get my arse handed to me by the Russians. So this time we're going to play it different!"

The Fuhrer unrolled a series of maps across the tables in front of them, making the generals gasp.

"But mein Fuhrer, this...this...is ahistorical!"

Hitler pounded the map with his fists.

"And I'm hysterical! Every time we crush the Polish, trounce the French...and even invade and occupy the British Isles only to get our arses handed to us by the Soviets! We even tried leaving the Soviets alone...only to get invaded by them!! We have to focus our forces on one target to have maximum success!"

A more aspiring General by the name of von Kluge peered at the map and pointed at Poland.

"What of Poland?"

Hitler pointed at Von Ribbentrop

"You...Make friendly with the Poles, if you can sign a treaty with Molotov then you can sign a treaty with the damn Polish. That puts us a step closer to Moscow and gets the British and French off our backs, oh, and get the Romanians in as well if you can."

"And the Italians and Japanese?" asked Von Ribbentrop

"The Italians are a liability and the Japanese are on the wrong side of the planet. We can buddy up to them later."

Von Kluge looked at the map again.

"And how are we to destroy the Soviets?"

Hitler grinned manically

"Ja, this is the question...and I have the answer!"

Another roll of paper was thrown on the table.

"Mein Kameraden, Unternehmen Zerg!"

"Instead of building industries, we will build tanks...lots and lots of tanks! And we must research doctrine for Blitzkrieg, and designs for tanks and mechanised infantry. Then we will unleash the mother of all Zerg rushes on the Soviet Union when they least expect it! Dismissed!!"

The Fuhrer laughed manically as the generals filed out. Von Manstein turned to Guderian.

"I give him...one chance in three..."
"Humph...if that..."

Oberon · 11-21-09, 11:31 AM

June 1936

A Brush with Destiny

"Mein Fuhrer!"
"Ja, ja, what is it? Can't you see I'm in the middle of something important..."
It was the trees...it was always the trees...they mocked him, they slipped through his fingers like the sands of time through an hourglass. Their little branches and leaves eluded his paintbrush and made rude gestures in the recesses of his muse. He snapped the paintbrush in half and threw it at the canvas before turning to see who dared interrupt him during his art.
It was Guderian, leader of the Zerg project.
"Well, spit it out Guderian!"
"Mein Fuhrer...the first Zerg unit has been deployed..."
Ah! Good news at last, Hitler virtually bounced in his chair in happiness.
"Who is in command?"
"One General Hermann Hoth, sir."
Hitler looked at Guderian closely.
"Is this a joke?"
Guderian flinched as though Hitler had reached across the table and slapped him in the face...which, given the Fuhrers current state of mind, was always a possibility.
"Nein, Mein Fuhrer...Hermann Hoth is a dedicated member of the ZergKorps. His leadership of Ein ZergSturmKorps was the logical choice."
"Is he any good in winter, or against AT-AT Imperial units?"
Guderian blinked.
"Mein Fuhrer?"
"Never mind...just...keep up the good work Guderian. The Polish project is coming along well, and our production plants are being taught new ways of putting bolts together so that our tanks will stay together when they move."
"This is good mein Fuhrer!"
"Ja...das ist gut, but...will it be enough to defeat the trees..."
"The who?"
Hitler turned on him and pointed half a paintbrush at Guderian.
"The Soviets! Who else?! Now get back to work Guderian! There is still much to be done!"

As Guderian left, Hitler sat back down and glowered at the canvas.

Oberon · 11-21-09, 11:45 AM

July 1936

The winds of change...

There was a strange smell around the Reichstag...
Armed with a can of Febreeze he stalked the corridors, his nose leading the way, shooing nervous aides and politicians aside as he turned a corridor and walked towards the door to the FlugZerg Minister...
He flung the door open and there was a giant monster which reeked of methane and bodily odours, he pulled the trigger and marched forwards.
"Oust! Begone foul stench!" The hideous odour struggled for survival, battling the fragrent air freshener but soon it entered its death throes and fell to the floor, slain.
"Herr Hitler?" The door had opened again behind him, Hitler turned, triumphant in his victory. It was Karl Koller, a General of the Zergwaffe.
"Look Karl, I have finally defeated the vile odour which has stalked this ministry for too long!"
"Ja wohl Mein Fuhrer...and the Head of the Air Ministry with it..."
"Bah...Air Ministry Shmair Ministry...you care so much about it, you can have it!"
"Ja wohl Mein Fuhrer! And can I have some fighters to go with it?"
"Ja...whatever..."
Hitler stalked out and headed back to his office to try and find his putty rubber now that the smell had been defeated.
A few minutes later the janitor arrived to remove Goerings body from the office.

Raptor1 · 11-21-09, 11:49 AM

Well, if we had known it was that easy, we wouldn't have bothered arranging transport all the way to Africa just to get rid of it...

NeonSamurai · 11-21-09, 11:51 AM

Ok I have to ask.. why on earth are you attaching AA brigades to your armor? Wouldn't SP-ART or nothing be better?

Also I hope your trading for lots of fuel

Oberon · 11-21-09, 11:53 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by NeonSamurai

Ok I have to ask.. why on earth are you attaching AA brigades to your armor? Wouldn't SP-ART or nothing be better?

Also I hope your trading for lots of fuel

The first few waves of AA brigades will just be in case the Soviets have some decent aircraft...but yes...good point, I'll switch over to SP-Art...

And fire the person who made that mistake...

NeonSamurai · 11-21-09, 11:55 AM

You would be better off fielding interceptors or fighters to deal with it. AA is generally considered worthless

http://www.paradoxian.org/hoi2wiki/i...Strategy_Guide

Oberon · 11-21-09, 12:06 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by NeonSamurai

You would be better off fielding interceptors or fighters to deal with it. AA is generally considered worthless

http://www.paradoxian.org/hoi2wiki/i...Strategy_Guide

Thanks!

11-21-09, 11:10 AM	#1
Oberon Lucky Jack Join Date: Jul 2002 Posts: 25,976 Downloads: 61 Uploads: 20	Zergkrieg - A HOI2 AAR ZERGKRIEG or 'Right you Soviet bastards, this time I mean it...' or 'Oberon gets his backside handed to him by the Soviets yet again'. A long time ago, in a Reich far far away, a meeting was taking place between the Fuhrer and his top planners. "Right you lot...this is the fourth time I've played this game and every time I get my arse handed to me by the Russians. So this time we're going to play it different!" The Fuhrer unrolled a series of maps across the tables in front of them, making the generals gasp. "But mein Fuhrer, this...this...is ahistorical!" Hitler pounded the map with his fists. "And I'm hysterical! Every time we crush the Polish, trounce the French...and even invade and occupy the British Isles only to get our arses handed to us by the Soviets! We even tried leaving the Soviets alone...only to get invaded by them!! We have to focus our forces on one target to have maximum success!" A more aspiring General by the name of von Kluge peered at the map and pointed at Poland. "What of Poland?" Hitler pointed at Von Ribbentrop "You...Make friendly with the Poles, if you can sign a treaty with Molotov then you can sign a treaty with the damn Polish. That puts us a step closer to Moscow and gets the British and French off our backs, oh, and get the Romanians in as well if you can." "And the Italians and Japanese?" asked Von Ribbentrop "The Italians are a liability and the Japanese are on the wrong side of the planet. We can buddy up to them later." Von Kluge looked at the map again. "And how are we to destroy the Soviets?" Hitler grinned manically "Ja, this is the question...and I have the answer!" Another roll of paper was thrown on the table. "Mein Kameraden, Unternehmen Zerg!" "Instead of building industries, we will build tanks...lots and lots of tanks! And we must research doctrine for Blitzkrieg, and designs for tanks and mechanised infantry. Then we will unleash the mother of all Zerg rushes on the Soviet Union when they least expect it! Dismissed!!" The Fuhrer laughed manically as the generals filed out. Von Manstein turned to Guderian. "I give him...one chance in three..." "Humph...if that..."

11-21-09, 11:49 AM	#4
Raptor1 Navy Seal Join Date: Jul 2007 Location: Stavka Posts: 8,211 Downloads: 13 Uploads: 0	Well, if we had known it was that easy, we wouldn't have bothered arranging transport all the way to Africa just to get rid of it... __________________ Current Eastern Front status: Probable Victory

11-21-09, 11:51 AM	#5
NeonSamurai Ocean Warrior Join Date: Jan 2002 Location: Socialist Republic of Kanadia Posts: 3,044 Downloads: 25 Uploads: 0	Ok I have to ask.. why on earth are you attaching AA brigades to your armor? Wouldn't SP-ART or nothing be better? Also I hope your trading for lots of fuel __________________ SH3 Newbie Guide Links and other helpfull stuff

11-21-09, 11:55 AM	#7
NeonSamurai Ocean Warrior Join Date: Jan 2002 Location: Socialist Republic of Kanadia Posts: 3,044 Downloads: 25 Uploads: 0	You would be better off fielding interceptors or fighters to deal with it. AA is generally considered worthless http://www.paradoxian.org/hoi2wiki/i...Strategy_Guide __________________ SH3 Newbie Guide Links and other helpfull stuff

11-21-09, 11:31 AM	#2
Oberon Lucky Jack Join Date: Jul 2002 Posts: 25,976 Downloads: 61 Uploads: 20	June 1936 A Brush with Destiny "Mein Fuhrer!" "Ja, ja, what is it? Can't you see I'm in the middle of something important..." It was the trees...it was always the trees...they mocked him, they slipped through his fingers like the sands of time through an hourglass. Their little branches and leaves eluded his paintbrush and made rude gestures in the recesses of his muse. He snapped the paintbrush in half and threw it at the canvas before turning to see who dared interrupt him during his art. It was Guderian, leader of the Zerg project. "Well, spit it out Guderian!" "Mein Fuhrer...the first Zerg unit has been deployed..." Ah! Good news at last, Hitler virtually bounced in his chair in happiness. "Who is in command?" "One General Hermann Hoth, sir." Hitler looked at Guderian closely. "Is this a joke?" Guderian flinched as though Hitler had reached across the table and slapped him in the face...which, given the Fuhrers current state of mind, was always a possibility. "Nein, Mein Fuhrer...Hermann Hoth is a dedicated member of the ZergKorps. His leadership of Ein ZergSturmKorps was the logical choice." "Is he any good in winter, or against AT-AT Imperial units?" Guderian blinked. "Mein Fuhrer?" "Never mind...just...keep up the good work Guderian. The Polish project is coming along well, and our production plants are being taught new ways of putting bolts together so that our tanks will stay together when they move." "This is good mein Fuhrer!" "Ja...das ist gut, but...will it be enough to defeat the trees..." "The who?" Hitler turned on him and pointed half a paintbrush at Guderian. "The Soviets! Who else?! Now get back to work Guderian! There is still much to be done!" As Guderian left, Hitler sat back down and glowered at the canvas.

11-21-09, 11:45 AM	#3
Oberon Lucky Jack Join Date: Jul 2002 Posts: 25,976 Downloads: 61 Uploads: 20	July 1936 The winds of change... There was a strange smell around the Reichstag... Armed with a can of Febreeze he stalked the corridors, his nose leading the way, shooing nervous aides and politicians aside as he turned a corridor and walked towards the door to the FlugZerg Minister... He flung the door open and there was a giant monster which reeked of methane and bodily odours, he pulled the trigger and marched forwards. "Oust! Begone foul stench!" The hideous odour struggled for survival, battling the fragrent air freshener but soon it entered its death throes and fell to the floor, slain. "Herr Hitler?" The door had opened again behind him, Hitler turned, triumphant in his victory. It was Karl Koller, a General of the Zergwaffe. "Look Karl, I have finally defeated the vile odour which has stalked this ministry for too long!" "Ja wohl Mein Fuhrer...and the Head of the Air Ministry with it..." "Bah...Air Ministry Shmair Ministry...you care so much about it, you can have it!" "Ja wohl Mein Fuhrer! And can I have some fighters to go with it?" "Ja...whatever..." Hitler stalked out and headed back to his office to try and find his putty rubber now that the smell had been defeated. A few minutes later the janitor arrived to remove Goerings body from the office.