Navy Jokes

[kptn_kaiserhof]

ANYBODY GOT SOME NAVY JOKES???



got on for you subsim captns


baby torpedo says to moma torpedo...
why do we go in and out of the tube in peacetime

moma torpedo says... to keep the seamen busy :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl:

[Arclight]

The old Navy Chief finally retired and got that chicken ranch he always wanted. He took with him his life-long pet parrot.

First morning at 0430, the parrot squawked loudly and said, “Reveille, Reveille. Up all hands. Heave out and trice up. The smoking lamp is lighted, now Reveille.”
The old chief told the parrot, “We are no longer in the Navy. Go back to sleep.”

The next morning, the parrot did the same thing. Chief told the parrot, “If you keep this up, I'll put you out in the chicken pen.”

Again the parrot did it, and true to his word, the Chief put the parrot in the chicken pen.
About 0630 the next morning, the Chief was awakened by one heck of a ruckus in the chicken pen. He went out to see what was the matter. The parrot had about 40 white chickens at attention in formation, and on the ground laid 3 bruised and beaten brown chickens. The parrot was saying, “By God, when I say fall out in dress whites, I don't
mean Khakis!”

Not my own, but still funny.

[FIREWALL]

Originally Posted by Arclight

The old Navy Chief finally retired and got that chicken ranch he always wanted. He took with him his life-long pet parrot.

First morning at 0430, the parrot squawked loudly and said, “Reveille, Reveille. Up all hands. Heave out and trice up. The smoking lamp is lighted, now Reveille.”
The old chief told the parrot, “We are no longer in the Navy. Go back to sleep.”

The next morning, the parrot did the same thing. Chief told the parrot, “If you keep this up, I'll put you out in the chicken pen.”

Again the parrot did it, and true to his word, the Chief put the parrot in the chicken pen.
About 0630 the next morning, the Chief was awakened by one heck of a ruckus in the chicken pen. He went out to see what was the matter. The parrot had about 40 white chickens at attention in formation, and on the ground laid 3 bruised and beaten brown chickens. The parrot was saying, “By God, when I say fall out in dress whites, I don't
mean Khakis!”

Not my own, but still funny.

:rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl:

[seafarer]

Not mine either:

The new Ensign was assigned to subs, where he'd dreamed of
working since a young boy. He was trying to impress the Master
Chief with his expertise learned in Submarine School.

The Master Chief cut him off quickly and said, "Listen, 'sir',
it's real simple. Add the number of times we dive to the number
of times we surface. Divide that number by two. If the result
doesn't come out even, don't open the hatch."

[kptn_kaiserhof]

damn rookies

[Sailor Steve]

Not a joke, per se, but a true story.

When my ship got back from Vietnam, my girlfriend was driven to meet me by a friend of hers (also female). There was the usual 'welcome home' stuff - much hugging and kissing. I then gave them a tour of the ship. At one point my girlfriend's friend asked me "What's that big box up there?".

I answered "That's the ASROC housing."

"What's ASROC?"

"Anti-Submarine Rocket." I replied.

"What's an Anti-Submarine Rocket?" She asked.

I was about to give a straight answer when I suddenly thought of a joke I had read as a kid, about submarines and anti-aircraft guns. It was easy to change it in my head, so I told her "We have on board a group of specialists known as the 'Green Paint' Division. When we're driving over a suspected enemy submarine we dump a thousand gallons of green paint in the water. Then we go a couple of miles away and turn our engines off. The submarine thinks we've gone, and comes up for a look around. When he puts his periscope up it gets coated with green paint, and, thinking he's still under water, he keeps coming up. We wait until he's about a thousand feet in the air, and then we shoot him down with an Anti-Submarine Rocket!"

My girlfriend, being a good BS sniffer, was just shaking her head, but her friend actually looked at me with wide eyes and said "Really?"

And that, friends, is my really true-life ASROC story.

[gAiNiAc]

Originally Posted by seafarer

Not mine either:

The new Ensign was assigned to subs, where he'd dreamed of
working since a young boy. He was trying to impress the Master
Chief with his expertise learned in Submarine School.

The Master Chief cut him off quickly and said, "Listen, 'sir',
it's real simple. Add the number of times we dive to the number
of times we surface. Divide that number by two. If the result
doesn't come out even, don't open the hatch."

Hahaha!

[gAiNiAc]

Not a joke, an insult........

When I was a lowly Airman cranking mess a Senior Chief,whom I pissed off, once said to me,

"How would you like it if I ripped your head off and shoved it up your ass so you could watch me butt-f*!k you?!?!?!"

I was then sent to the scullery.........