The Thermodynamics of Hell

SUBMAN1 · 03-02-07, 07:48 PM

The Thermodynamics of Hell

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endothermic: characterized by or formed with absorption of heat

exothermic: characterized by or formed with evolution of heat

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A retiring physical chemistry professor was setting his last exam, for a graduate course in statistical thermodynamics. Being a bit bored with it all, and with a well kept and wry sense of humour, he set a single question on the sheet:

Is Hell endothermic or exothermic? Support you answer with a proof.

He had little idea what to expect, or how to grade the results, but decided to reward any student who was able to come up with a reasonable and consistent reply to his query. One A was awarded.
Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law or some variant. The top student however wrote the following answer:

First, we postulate that if souls exist, then they must have some mass. If they do, then a mole of souls can also have a mass. So, at what rate are souls moving into hell and at what rate are souls leaving? I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving. As for souls entering hell, lets look at the different religions that exist in the world today. Some of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to hell. Since there are more than one of these religions and people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all people and all souls go to hell.
With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in hell to increase exponentially.

Now, we look at the rate of change in volume in hell. Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in hell to stay the same, the ratio of the mass of souls and volume needs to stay constant. There are two possible conditions. One, if hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate t which souls enter hell, then the temperature and pressure in hell will increase exponentially until all hell breaks loose. Conversely, if hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in hell, than the temperature and pressure will drop until hell freezes over, condition two.

We can solve this with the 1990 postulation of Theresa LeClair, the girl who lived across the hall from me in first year residence. Since I have still not been successful in obtaining sexual relations with her, condition two above has not been met, and thus it can be concluded that condition one is true, and hell is exothermic.

JSLTIGER · 03-02-07, 09:10 PM

I remember reading this a while ago, but it's still damned funny.

Gorduz · 03-02-07, 09:19 PM

We can solve this with the 1990 postulation of Theresa LeClair, the girl who lived across the hall from me in first year residence. She stated that she would have sex with me "when hell freezes over". Since I had sexual relations with her last night, condition two above most be true, and thus it can be concluded that condition one is true, and hell is exothermic.

(note there is an error in your vesion, if hell hasn't frozen then it must be endotermic)

The result of this theory is that since Hell har frozen, it does not accept souls anymore. This leaves us with heaven, whitch proves the existence of a divine being, witch explains why Theresa last night repetatly screamed "Oh my god!".

(sorry if the english is bad, this version was translated from a norwegian one)

baggygreen · 03-02-07, 11:21 PM

:rotfl: :rotfl: very nice ending gorduz!

Wim Libaers · 03-03-07, 07:33 PM

Of course, Boyle's law doesn't really specify as much as is implied here :p

elite_hunter_sh3 · 03-03-07, 09:18 PM

LMFAO, priceless. hehe anyone see the essay on oedipus??
here it is:
http://www.albinoblacksheep.com/image/essay/

Warning: Explicit language!

U-533 · 03-04-07, 11:23 AM

The Thermodynamics of Hell

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

endothermic: characterized by or formed with absorption of heat

exothermic: characterized by or formed with evolution of heat

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Funny...

But the logic is flawed

03-02-07, 07:48 PM	#1
SUBMAN1 Rear Admiral Join Date: Apr 2005 Posts: 11,866 Downloads: 0 Uploads: 0	The Thermodynamics of Hell The Thermodynamics of Hell -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- endothermic: characterized by or formed with absorption of heat exothermic: characterized by or formed with evolution of heat -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- A retiring physical chemistry professor was setting his last exam, for a graduate course in statistical thermodynamics. Being a bit bored with it all, and with a well kept and wry sense of humour, he set a single question on the sheet: Is Hell endothermic or exothermic? Support you answer with a proof. He had little idea what to expect, or how to grade the results, but decided to reward any student who was able to come up with a reasonable and consistent reply to his query. One A was awarded. Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law or some variant. The top student however wrote the following answer: First, we postulate that if souls exist, then they must have some mass. If they do, then a mole of souls can also have a mass. So, at what rate are souls moving into hell and at what rate are souls leaving? I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving. As for souls entering hell, lets look at the different religions that exist in the world today. Some of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to hell. Since there are more than one of these religions and people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all people and all souls go to hell. With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in hell to increase exponentially. Now, we look at the rate of change in volume in hell. Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in hell to stay the same, the ratio of the mass of souls and volume needs to stay constant. There are two possible conditions. One, if hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate t which souls enter hell, then the temperature and pressure in hell will increase exponentially until all hell breaks loose. Conversely, if hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in hell, than the temperature and pressure will drop until hell freezes over, condition two. We can solve this with the 1990 postulation of Theresa LeClair, the girl who lived across the hall from me in first year residence. Since I have still not been successful in obtaining sexual relations with her, condition two above has not been met, and thus it can be concluded that condition one is true, and hell is exothermic. __________________

03-02-07, 09:10 PM	#2
JSLTIGER The Old Man Join Date: Jan 2004 Location: Parkland, FL, USA Posts: 1,437 Downloads: 5 Uploads: 0	I remember reading this a while ago, but it's still damned funny. __________________ Thor: Intel Core i7 4770K\|ASUS Z87Pro\|32GB DDR3 RAM\|11GB EVGA GeForce RTX 2080Ti Black\|256GB Crucial M4 SSD+2TB WD HDD\|4X LG BD-RE\|32" Acer Predator Z321QU 165Hz G-Sync (2540x1440)\|Logitech Z-323 2.1 Sound\|Win 10 Pro Explorer (MSI GL63 8RE-629 Laptop): Intel Core i7 8750H\|16GB DDR4 RAM\|6GB GeForce GTX 1060\|128GB SSD+1TB HDD\|15.6" Widescreen (1920x1080)\|Logitech R-20 2.1 Sound\|Win 10 Home

03-02-07, 09:19 PM	#3
Gorduz Engineer Join Date: Mar 2001 Location: Norway Posts: 210 Downloads: 2 Uploads: 0	Alternative ending We can solve this with the 1990 postulation of Theresa LeClair, the girl who lived across the hall from me in first year residence. She stated that she would have sex with me "when hell freezes over". Since I had sexual relations with her last night, condition two above most be true, and thus it can be concluded that condition one is true, and hell is exothermic. (note there is an error in your vesion, if hell hasn't frozen then it must be endotermic) The result of this theory is that since Hell har frozen, it does not accept souls anymore. This leaves us with heaven, whitch proves the existence of a divine being, witch explains why Theresa last night repetatly screamed "Oh my god!". (sorry if the english is bad, this version was translated from a norwegian one) __________________ 21. MTB skv. Attacks without warning.

03-03-07, 09:18 PM	#6
elite_hunter_sh3 The Old Man Join Date: Nov 2005 Posts: 1,376 Downloads: 6 Uploads: 0	LMFAO, priceless. hehe anyone see the essay on oedipus?? here it is: http://www.albinoblacksheep.com/image/essay/ Warning: Explicit language! Last edited by Gizzmoe; 03-04-07 at 12:47 AM. Reason: Removed images, added link to website and language warning

03-02-07, 11:21 PM	#4
baggygreen Sea Lord Join Date: Jul 2006 Location: Canberra, ACT, Down Under (really On Top) Posts: 1,880 Downloads: 7 Uploads: 0	:rotfl: :rotfl: very nice ending gorduz!

03-03-07, 07:33 PM	#5
Wim Libaers Samurai Navy Join Date: Sep 2001 Location: Flanders Posts: 569 Downloads: 4 Uploads: 0	Of course, Boyle's law doesn't really specify as much as is implied here :p

03-04-07, 11:23 AM	#7
U-533 Samurai Navy Join Date: Sep 2006 Location: On my Boat Posts: 594 Downloads: 0 Uploads: 0	The Thermodynamics of Hell -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- endothermic: characterized by or formed with absorption of heat exothermic: characterized by or formed with evolution of heat -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Funny... But the logic is flawed