Battleship

GoldenRivet · 05-21-12, 12:08 AM

I haven't seen any posts here about the recently released movie Battleship

Perhaps thats because i was the only one of you duped into seeing it (took some kids... thats my excuse).

overall - ok time waster / popcorn muncher / blowy things up flick if you are into the Micheal Bay type stuff (I'm not)

plot holes?

yes, several, each one larger than the pacific ocean itself.

Bernard was the naval adviser on this film... im convinced of it.

I wont ruin the ending for anyone of you unfortunate enough to go endure this flick. Given the nature of our group, suffice it to say we will all easily spot the inaccuracies of the film.

for example, here are a few:

Stoner alcoholic bar hopping jersey shore material moron joins navy as his last chance to clean up his act - cut and scene - next scene - whoa great job dude you made officer faster than anyone in navy history! way to go! - - - - - WHAT?!

Im confused... at what point did he go from drooling drunk, to college grad, to OCS candidate etc??? all of this is omitted and the other "back story" scenes going on simultaneously make it seem like this all took place in about a month.

Running out of ships to fight the aliens with and discovering all the secondary armament on the USS Missouri is fully operational, locked and loaded with live rounds (oops, must have forgot to unload all that when she was set up as a museum) i wonder how many 12 year olds shat themselves when squeezing those triggers playfully and their cute "pew pew pew" noises were drowned out by loud - very real BANG BANG BANG sounds as 50 caliber tracers screamed past grandma's face? this is the sort of thing the navy doesnt forget when setting up a museum ship.

discovering 25 rounds of 16" HE stored on a museum ship in usable condition along with a supply of powder bags sufficient enough in number to fire all 25 rounds. NOT HAPPENING

4 guys picking up a 2200 lb 16" shell and carrying it from the aft turret to the forward turret in about 2 minutes. seriously... thats over 500 lbs per guy. maybe they were running on pure adrenaline.

Igniting the steam turbine boilers on the USS Missouri and 2 minutes later ordering ahead flank right at the pier. When i make crawfish in the 10 gallon pot... it takes like 2 hours to get the water bubbling. they had enough steam in several minutes to turn screws?

An officer - third in command of a ship in this case - after having been informed that the commander and XO were killed having to look to a petty officer to ask "who's in command now?" HE WOULD KNOW THAT!!!! YOU SHOULD KNOW THAT SIR!? WHO DID YOU SCREW FOR THIS JOB!?

Dropping port anchor at flank speed to "wake board" or "drift" (as in car racing if you will) the battleship into turning suddenly to bring the guns around faster.

All the destroyers sounding like Trans Ams with flowmaster exhaust. seriously, they went from dead stop to ahead flank and i was reminded of smokey and the bandit.

and after i've mentioned all that - the "Mighty Mo" the battleship for which the movie is named... makes an appearance for all of like 20 minutes at the very end of the movie.

skip it.

dismissed

nikimcbee · 05-21-12, 12:47 AM

Thanks for being film fodder.

What about the video game?

Reece · 05-21-12, 01:38 AM

Advise taken GoldenRivet!

BossMark · 05-21-12, 03:06 AM

My mate was rather foolish and took his son to see this and he said it was a load of "$^&*&^%$

antikristuseke · 05-21-12, 03:47 AM

Changing one letter in that movies title would make it much more appropriate

Jimbuna · 05-21-12, 05:30 AM

Thanks for the heads up John...you've now got my curiosity aroused

Onkel Neal · 05-21-12, 05:41 AM

Thanks, John, your review was probably more entertaining than the movie.

Oberon · 05-21-12, 05:49 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by GoldenRivet

Running out of ships to fight the aliens with and discovering all the secondary armament on the USS Missouri is fully operational, locked and loaded with live rounds (oops, must have forgot to unload all that when she was set up as a museum) i wonder how many 12 year olds shat themselves when squeezing those triggers playfully and their cute "pew pew pew" noises were drowned out by loud - very real BANG BANG BANG sounds as 50 caliber tracers screamed past grandma's face? this is the sort of thing the navy doesnt forget when setting up a museum ship.

discovering 25 rounds of 16" HE stored on a museum ship in usable condition along with a supply of powder bags sufficient enough in number to fire all 25 rounds. NOT HAPPENING

Not in the Navy perhaps...but in the air force...

Quote:

RAF Scampton

In the late 1950s, as a preliminary to road widening work by Lincolnshire County Council, the gate guardian – then a Grand Slam bomb – had to be moved. Efforts to lift it with a small crane proved futile, as it was much heavier than expected. Upon closer examination, it was found to be still filled with live explosives. It was carefully removed on an RAF low loader and detonated on a test range. It is unclear how a live bomb managed to be put on display, but it seems that it was in place for well over a decade.

Penguin · 05-21-12, 05:50 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by antikristuseke

Changing one letter in that movies title would make it much more appropriate

Cattleship?

mookiemookie · 05-21-12, 06:13 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by GoldenRivet

Igniting the steam turbine boilers on the USS Missouri and 2 minutes later ordering ahead flank right at the pier. When i make crawfish in the 10 gallon pot... it takes like 2 hours to get the water bubbling. they had enough steam in several minutes to turn screws?

...

All the destroyers sounding like Trans Ams with flowmaster exhaust. seriously, they went from dead stop to ahead flank and i was reminded of smokey and the bandit.

Hey it worked that way in the Silent Hunter games...

TarJak · 05-21-12, 06:37 AM

Saw the ads saw it was bad decided to steer clear. Thanks for the review though just confirmed my thoughts on what I saw in the advert.

Garion · 05-21-12, 06:55 AM

I will watch it on DVD with beerz and cheesy biscuits.. Oh and popcorn to throw at the telly

Cheers

Garion

Platapus · 05-21-12, 07:21 AM

Thanks for taking one for the team. I think I will wait until it comes out on DvD and then not buy it.

Falkirion · 05-21-12, 06:19 PM

Ah good so I didn't miss anything during its run here in Australia. Thanks for the review GR. Glad I skipped it.

Tired of Hollywood's idea that any movie with military things needs Bay type explosions to sell itself.

Sledgehammer427 · 05-21-12, 07:06 PM

Being a total sucker for CGI Battleships, me and the wonderful girlfriend are going to see it this weekend in a double feature with Men In Black 3.

I plan on being very dissapointe---waittaminute, I'm going to see them in one of the last drive-in movie theaters in the midwest!

not so bad anymore

05-21-12, 12:08 AM	#1
GoldenRivet Subsim Aviator Join Date: Mar 2007 Location: Texas Posts: 8,726 Downloads: 146 Uploads: 0	Battleship I haven't seen any posts here about the recently released movie Battleship Perhaps thats because i was the only one of you duped into seeing it (took some kids... thats my excuse). overall - ok time waster / popcorn muncher / blowy things up flick if you are into the Micheal Bay type stuff (I'm not) plot holes? yes, several, each one larger than the pacific ocean itself. Bernard was the naval adviser on this film... im convinced of it. I wont ruin the ending for anyone of you unfortunate enough to go endure this flick. Given the nature of our group, suffice it to say we will all easily spot the inaccuracies of the film. for example, here are a few: Stoner alcoholic bar hopping jersey shore material moron joins navy as his last chance to clean up his act - cut and scene - next scene - whoa great job dude you made officer faster than anyone in navy history! way to go! - - - - - WHAT?! Im confused... at what point did he go from drooling drunk, to college grad, to OCS candidate etc??? all of this is omitted and the other "back story" scenes going on simultaneously make it seem like this all took place in about a month. Running out of ships to fight the aliens with and discovering all the secondary armament on the USS Missouri is fully operational, locked and loaded with live rounds (oops, must have forgot to unload all that when she was set up as a museum) i wonder how many 12 year olds shat themselves when squeezing those triggers playfully and their cute "pew pew pew" noises were drowned out by loud - very real BANG BANG BANG sounds as 50 caliber tracers screamed past grandma's face? this is the sort of thing the navy doesnt forget when setting up a museum ship. discovering 25 rounds of 16" HE stored on a museum ship in usable condition along with a supply of powder bags sufficient enough in number to fire all 25 rounds. NOT HAPPENING 4 guys picking up a 2200 lb 16" shell and carrying it from the aft turret to the forward turret in about 2 minutes. seriously... thats over 500 lbs per guy. maybe they were running on pure adrenaline. Igniting the steam turbine boilers on the USS Missouri and 2 minutes later ordering ahead flank right at the pier. When i make crawfish in the 10 gallon pot... it takes like 2 hours to get the water bubbling. they had enough steam in several minutes to turn screws? An officer - third in command of a ship in this case - after having been informed that the commander and XO were killed having to look to a petty officer to ask "who's in command now?" HE WOULD KNOW THAT!!!! YOU SHOULD KNOW THAT SIR!? WHO DID YOU SCREW FOR THIS JOB!? Dropping port anchor at flank speed to "wake board" or "drift" (as in car racing if you will) the battleship into turning suddenly to bring the guns around faster. All the destroyers sounding like Trans Ams with flowmaster exhaust. seriously, they went from dead stop to ahead flank and i was reminded of smokey and the bandit. and after i've mentioned all that - the "Mighty Mo" the battleship for which the movie is named... makes an appearance for all of like 20 minutes at the very end of the movie. skip it. dismissed __________________

05-21-12, 12:47 AM	#2
nikimcbee Fleet Admiral Join Date: Jul 2003 Location: Patroling the Slot. Posts: 17,952 Downloads: 90 Uploads: 0	Thanks for being film fodder. What about the video game? __________________

05-21-12, 01:38 AM	#3
Reece CINC Pacific Fleet Join Date: Sep 2003 Location: Down Under Posts: 34,742 Downloads: 171 Uploads: 0	Advise taken GoldenRivet! __________________ *Sub captains go down with their ship!*

05-21-12, 03:06 AM	#4
BossMark Fleet Admiral Join Date: May 2011 Location: Leeds, West Yorkshire Posts: 15,272 Downloads: 278 Uploads: 0	My mate was rather foolish and took his son to see this and he said it was a load of "$^&*&^%$ __________________ Never trust the Tories look what Thatcher and Major did in the 80s and 90s and look what the wicked witch May is doing now doing now

05-21-12, 05:30 AM	#6
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 190,712 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	Thanks for the heads up John...you've now got my curiosity aroused __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!!

05-21-12, 03:47 AM	#5
antikristuseke Silent Hunter Join Date: Jun 2007 Location: Estland Posts: 4,330 Downloads: 3 Uploads: 0	Changing one letter in that movies title would make it much more appropriate

05-21-12, 05:41 AM	#7
Onkel Neal Born to Run Silent Join Date: Jan 1997 Location: Cougar Trap, Texas Posts: 21,385 Downloads: 541 Uploads: 224	Thanks, John, your review was probably more entertaining than the movie.

05-21-12, 06:37 AM	#11
TarJak Fleet Admiral Join Date: Jul 2006 Location: Sydney, Australia Posts: 17,052 Downloads: 150 Uploads: 8	Saw the ads saw it was bad decided to steer clear. Thanks for the review though just confirmed my thoughts on what I saw in the advert.

05-21-12, 06:55 AM	#12
Garion Commander Join Date: Feb 2003 Location: Scotland Posts: 452 Downloads: 34 Uploads: 0	I will watch it on DVD with beerz and cheesy biscuits.. Oh and popcorn to throw at the telly Cheers Garion

05-21-12, 07:21 AM	#13
Platapus Fleet Admiral Join Date: Oct 2006 Posts: 19,381 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 0	Thanks for taking one for the team. I think I will wait until it comes out on DvD and then not buy it. __________________ abusus non tollit usum - A right should NOT be withheld from people on the basis that some tend to abuse that right.

05-21-12, 06:19 PM	#14
Falkirion Ace of the Deep Join Date: Aug 2008 Location: Melbourne, AUS Posts: 1,043 Downloads: 34 Uploads: 0	Ah good so I didn't miss anything during its run here in Australia. Thanks for the review GR. Glad I skipped it. Tired of Hollywood's idea that any movie with military things needs Bay type explosions to sell itself.

05-21-12, 07:06 PM	#15
Sledgehammer427 PacWagon Join Date: Jun 2007 Location: Drinking coffee and staring at trees in Massachusetts Posts: 2,908 Downloads: 287 Uploads: 0	Being a total sucker for CGI Battleships, me and the wonderful girlfriend are going to see it this weekend in a double feature with Men In Black 3. I plan on being very dissapointe---waittaminute, I'm going to see them in one of the last drive-in movie theaters in the midwest! not so bad anymore __________________ Cold Waters Voice Crew - Fire Control Officer Cmdr O. Myers - C/O USS Nautilus (SS-168) 114,000 tons sunk - 4 Spec Ops completed V-boat Nutcase - Need supplies? Japanese garrison on a small island in the way? Just give us a call! D4C!