...once upon a time in Nazi occupied France...

Bilge_Rat · 03-14-10, 10:14 AM

Kpt. Wagner is asked to attend a meeting with Admiral Donitz.

Donitz: good news, Wagner, based on your performance with the SH3 type VII-A, I am giving you command of the brand new SH5 type VII-C.

Wagner: herr admiral, I must respectfully decline.

Donitz: why?

Wagner: the SH5 sub is not realistic. For example, I am expected to walk inside the sub from station to station. I am expected to leave the bridge before the boat will dive. I preferred my SH3 boat where I could magically teleport from station to station, like in Star Trek. That was much more "realistic".

Donitz: anything else?

Wagner: yes, I also do not like the periscope station. I am expected to be able to tell the XO the proposed solution while being able to rotate the scope to keep an eye on pesky escorts. I much preferred my SH3 sub where my scope was locked on the target and I was expected to manually input data into the TDC, while the rest of the crew just stands by and looks.

Donitz: I see.

Wagner: And another thing. I am expected to actually look at the dials in the conning tower, as a real captain would, to see my speed, depth, rudder angle, engine rpm, etc. I much preferred my old SH3 sub where dials would float in the air like the HUD on a modern fighter. It was much more "realistic".

Donitz: most disturbing.

Wagner: one additional point, herr admiral, in Sh5, I am expected to only deal with the officers and senior petty officers, as a real skipper does, instead of micromanaging each and every crew member as I had to do in SH3.

Donitz: I understand all your concerns, Wagner, but is'nt the whole point of a submarine simulation to put you in the same situation as a real life captain on a real life U-boat?

Wagner: With respect, herr admiral, the whole point of a submarine simulation is to be "realistic", not to simulate real life...

sergei · 03-14-10, 10:19 AM

Made me laugh

robbo180265 · 03-14-10, 11:11 AM

10/10 - very funny

Méo · 03-14-10, 11:48 AM

+1

kptn_kaiserhof · 03-14-10, 12:00 PM

i must second that

Gammelpreusse · 03-14-10, 12:04 PM

lol, great post, with lots of truth to it

gmccabe01 · 03-14-10, 01:32 PM

Excelllent!

Will-Rommel · 03-14-10, 01:39 PM

coronas · 03-14-10, 02:44 PM

My respects , Kpt. Wagner!

Sailor Steve · 03-14-10, 02:47 PM

Jimbuna · 03-14-10, 04:14 PM

Nice one

krupp_88mm · 03-14-10, 05:55 PM

nice socratic method, if only debate was allowed in ubisoft occupied territories

Jimbuna · 03-14-10, 06:01 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by krupp_88mm

nice socratic method, if only debate was allowed in ubisoft occupied territories

Oh but they are...provided you toe the line expected

Iliaz · 03-14-10, 06:35 PM

Deadcell · 03-14-10, 06:47 PM

Lol, very good read!

03-14-10, 10:14 AM	#1
Bilge_Rat Silent Hunter Join Date: Apr 2002 Location: standing watch... Posts: 3,855 Downloads: 344 Uploads: 0	...once upon a time in Nazi occupied France... Kpt. Wagner is asked to attend a meeting with Admiral Donitz. Donitz: good news, Wagner, based on your performance with the SH3 type VII-A, I am giving you command of the brand new SH5 type VII-C. Wagner: herr admiral, I must respectfully decline. Donitz: why? Wagner: the SH5 sub is not realistic. For example, I am expected to walk inside the sub from station to station. I am expected to leave the bridge before the boat will dive. I preferred my SH3 boat where I could magically teleport from station to station, like in Star Trek. That was much more "realistic". Donitz: anything else? Wagner: yes, I also do not like the periscope station. I am expected to be able to tell the XO the proposed solution while being able to rotate the scope to keep an eye on pesky escorts. I much preferred my SH3 sub where my scope was locked on the target and I was expected to manually input data into the TDC, while the rest of the crew just stands by and looks. Donitz: I see. Wagner: And another thing. I am expected to actually look at the dials in the conning tower, as a real captain would, to see my speed, depth, rudder angle, engine rpm, etc. I much preferred my old SH3 sub where dials would float in the air like the HUD on a modern fighter. It was much more "realistic". Donitz: most disturbing. Wagner: one additional point, herr admiral, in Sh5, I am expected to only deal with the officers and senior petty officers, as a real skipper does, instead of micromanaging each and every crew member as I had to do in SH3. Donitz: I understand all your concerns, Wagner, but is'nt the whole point of a submarine simulation to put you in the same situation as a real life captain on a real life U-boat? Wagner: With respect, herr admiral, the whole point of a submarine simulation is to be "realistic", not to simulate real life... __________________ Last edited by Bilge_Rat; 03-14-10 at 04:07 PM.

03-14-10, 12:04 PM	#6
Gammelpreusse Planesman Join Date: Mar 2010 Posts: 191 Downloads: 90 Uploads: 0	lol, great post, with lots of truth to it __________________

03-14-10, 01:39 PM	#8
Will-Rommel Chief Join Date: Jan 2008 Posts: 320 Downloads: 81 Uploads: 0	__________________ -Fighting is a lifestyle-

03-14-10, 02:44 PM	#9
coronas Ace of the Deep Join Date: May 2005 Location: Asturias, España Posts: 1,168 Downloads: 39 Uploads: 0	My respects , Kpt. Wagner! __________________

03-14-10, 02:47 PM	#10
Sailor Steve Eternal Patrol Join Date: Nov 2002 Location: High in the mountains of Utah Posts: 50,369 Downloads: 745 Uploads: 249	__________________ “Never do anything you can't take back.” —Rocky Russo

03-14-10, 10:19 AM	#2
sergei Sea Lord Join Date: May 2008 Location: London UK Posts: 1,788 Downloads: 405 Uploads: 29	Made me laugh

03-14-10, 11:11 AM	#3
robbo180265 Admiral Join Date: Oct 2006 Location: Brighton, England.Party capital of the south Posts: 2,255 Downloads: 126 Uploads: 0	10/10 - very funny

03-14-10, 11:48 AM	#4
Méo Ace of the Deep Join Date: Aug 2009 Location: Quebec City Posts: 1,153 Downloads: 258 Uploads: 0	+1

03-14-10, 12:00 PM	#5
kptn_kaiserhof XO Join Date: Aug 2005 Posts: 418 Downloads: 42 Uploads: 0	i must second that

03-14-10, 01:32 PM	#7
gmccabe01 Seaman Join Date: Aug 2008 Location: Cobh in Ireland Posts: 42 Downloads: 207 Uploads: 0	Excelllent!

03-14-10, 04:14 PM	#11
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 190,461 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	Nice one __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!!

03-14-10, 05:55 PM	#12
krupp_88mm Mate Join Date: Mar 2010 Location: away from ...... Posts: 51 Downloads: 5 Uploads: 0	nice socratic method, if only debate was allowed in ubisoft occupied territories

03-14-10, 06:35 PM	#14
Iliaz Seaman Join Date: Jul 2007 Location: Outer Heaven Posts: 37 Downloads: 2 Uploads: 0	__________________ Welch' Künstler gingen an mir zu Grunde!

03-14-10, 06:47 PM	#15
Deadcell Bilge Rat Join Date: Mar 2010 Posts: 1 Downloads: 7 Uploads: 0	Lol, very good read!