To All Employees

ajrimmer42 · 11-19-09, 05:27 PM

Dear employees,

Due to the current financial situation caused by the slowdown of
economy, Management has decided to implement a scheme
to put workers of 40 years of age and above on early retirement.
This scheme will be known as RAPE (Retire Aged People Early).

Persons selected to be RAPED can apply to management to be eligible
for the SHAFT scheme. (Special Help After Forced Termination).
Persons who have been RAPED and SHAFTED will be reviewed
under the SCREW programme. (Scheme Covering Retired Early Workers).
A person may be RAPED once, SHAFTED twice and SCREWED
as many times as Management deems appropriate .

Persons who have been RAPED can only get AIDS
(Additional Income for Dependants & Spouse) or HERPES
(Half Earnings for Retired Personnel Early Severance).

Obviously, persons who have AIDS or HERPES will not be
SHAFTED or SCREWED any further by Management.

Persons who are not RAPED and are staying on will receive as much
S*** (Special High Intensity Training) as possible. Management has
always prided itself on the amount of S*** it gives employees. Should
you feel that you not do receive enough S***, please bring it to the
attention of your supervisor. They have been trained to give you all
the S*** you can handle.

Sincerely,

The management.

onelifecrisis · 11-19-09, 09:38 PM

Weiss Pinguin · 11-19-09, 10:40 PM

LOL that's awesome

Sledgehammer427 · 11-19-09, 10:47 PM

my dad would love this

bookworm_020 · 11-20-09, 01:01 AM

Have seen it before, but still get a laugh!

Aramike · 11-20-09, 05:21 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by bookworm_020

Have seen it before, but still get a laugh!

Ditto on that.

Still, lovin' it!

Schroeder · 11-20-09, 06:26 AM

A very good one.

Unfortunately so true....

Jimbuna · 11-20-09, 08:20 AM

Nice one

ajrimmer42 · 11-20-09, 05:49 PM

yeah it's been around for a while, i just found it on my memory stick

11-19-09, 05:27 PM	#1
ajrimmer42 Royal Kinotropist Join Date: Mar 2007 Location: Sheffield, UK Posts: 987 Downloads: 18 Uploads: 0	To All Employees Dear employees, Due to the current financial situation caused by the slowdown of economy, Management has decided to implement a scheme to put workers of 40 years of age and above on early retirement. This scheme will be known as RAPE (Retire Aged People Early). Persons selected to be RAPED can apply to management to be eligible for the SHAFT scheme. (Special Help After Forced Termination). Persons who have been RAPED and SHAFTED will be reviewed under the SCREW programme. (Scheme Covering Retired Early Workers). A person may be RAPED once, SHAFTED twice and SCREWED as many times as Management deems appropriate . Persons who have been RAPED can only get AIDS (Additional Income for Dependants & Spouse) or HERPES (Half Earnings for Retired Personnel Early Severance). Obviously, persons who have AIDS or HERPES will not be SHAFTED or SCREWED any further by Management. Persons who are not RAPED and are staying on will receive as much S* (Special High Intensity Training) as possible. Management has always prided itself on the amount of S* it gives employees. Should you feel that you not do receive enough S*, please bring it to the attention of your supervisor. They have been trained to give you all the S* you can handle. Sincerely, The management. __________________ Alex Don't judge a ship by the number of it's guns, but by the skill of it's crew.

11-19-09, 10:40 PM	#3
Weiss Pinguin Ocean Warrior Join Date: Nov 2008 Location: Auburn, Alabama Posts: 3,333 Downloads: 101 Uploads: 0	LOL that's awesome __________________

11-19-09, 10:47 PM	#4
Sledgehammer427 PacWagon Join Date: Jun 2007 Location: Drinking coffee and staring at trees in Massachusetts Posts: 2,908 Downloads: 287 Uploads: 0	my dad would love this __________________ Cold Waters Voice Crew - Fire Control Officer Cmdr O. Myers - C/O USS Nautilus (SS-168) 114,000 tons sunk - 4 Spec Ops completed V-boat Nutcase - Need supplies? Japanese garrison on a small island in the way? Just give us a call! D4C!

11-20-09, 01:01 AM	#5
bookworm_020 Navy Seal Join Date: Aug 2005 Location: Sinking ships off the Australian coast Posts: 5,966 Downloads: 1 Uploads: 0	Have seen it before, but still get a laugh! __________________ "There is always one person in any organization who knows whats going on, That person must be fired"

11-20-09, 06:26 AM	#7
Schroeder Navy Seal Join Date: Apr 2008 Location: Banana Republic of Germany Posts: 6,170 Downloads: 62 Uploads: 0	A very good one. Unfortunately so true.... __________________ Putting Germ back into Germany.

11-19-09, 09:38 PM	#2
onelifecrisis Maverick Modder Join Date: Aug 2007 Location: England Posts: 3,895 Downloads: 65 Uploads: 3

11-20-09, 08:20 AM	#8
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 190,461 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	Nice one __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!!

11-20-09, 05:49 PM	#9
ajrimmer42 Royal Kinotropist Join Date: Mar 2007 Location: Sheffield, UK Posts: 987 Downloads: 18 Uploads: 0	yeah it's been around for a while, i just found it on my memory stick __________________ Alex Don't judge a ship by the number of it's guns, but by the skill of it's crew.