How to become a better gunfighter

SUBMAN1 · 12-01-08, 10:00 AM

A cowboy sitting in a saloon one Saturday night, recognized an elderly man standing at the bar who, in his day, had the reputation of being the fastest gun in the West.

The young cowboy took a place next to the old-timer, bought him a drink and told him the story of his great ambition.

'Do you think you could give me some tips?' he asked.

The old man looked him up and down and said, 'Well, for one thing, you're wearing your gun too high. Tie the holster a little lower down on your leg.'

'Will that make me a better gunfighter?' asked the young man.

'Sure will,' replied the old-timer.

The young man did as he was told, stood up, whipped out his 44 and shot the bow tie off the piano player.

'That's terrific!' said the hot shot.

'Got any more tips for me?'

'Yep,' said the old man. 'Cut a notch out of your holster where the hammer hits it. That'll give you a smoother draw.'

'Will that make me a better gunfighter?' asked the younger man.

'You bet it will,' said the old-timer.

The young man took out his knife, cut the notch, stood up, drew his gun in a blur, and then shot a cuff link off the piano player.

'Wow!' exclaimed the cowboy 'I'm learnin somethin' here. Got any more tips?'

The old man pointed to a large can in a corner of the saloon. 'See that axle grease over there? Coat your gun with it.'

The young man went over to the can and smeared some of the grease on the barrel of his gun.

'No,' said the old-timer, 'I mean smear it all over the gun, handle and all.'

'Will that make me a better gunfighter?' asked the young man.

'No,' said the old-timer, 'but when Wyatt Earp gets done playing the piano, he's gonna shove that gun up your ass, and it won't hurt as much.

mcf1 · 12-01-08, 10:39 AM

Good one :rotfl::rotfl:
I ROTFLed
Here I got one too.

What a woman says:
This place is a mess! C'mon, you and I need to clean up. Your stuff is lying on the floor and you'll have no clothes to wear if we don't do laundry right now! What a man hears:
Blah, blah, blah, blah, C'MON, blah, blah, YOU AND I, blah, blah, blah, blah, ON THE FLOOR, blah, blah, blah, blah, NO CLOTHES, blah, blah, blah, blah, RIGHT NOW.

Wolfehunter · 12-01-08, 11:24 AM

:rotfl:Lol very good!

AVGWarhawk · 12-01-08, 03:04 PM

I had to send that one to my pop.

FIREWALL · 12-01-08, 03:40 PM

Thx for the chuckle mates

it brightened my day.

Sailor Steve · 12-01-08, 05:21 PM

:rotfl:
Good one!

bookworm_020 · 12-01-08, 05:58 PM

:rotfl::rotfl::rotfl::rotfl::rotfl:

But I don't know how my wife would take the second joke!:hmm: me

Jimbuna · 12-02-08, 06:34 AM

Two cowboys were talking and one asked the other, "what is your favourite sex position?"

"I don't know," said the other, "what's yours?"

"I like the Rodeo position," said the first guy.

"What's that?" asked the second cowboy.

"Well," says the first guy, "you get your girlfriend on all fours and mount her from behind. Then you reach around and cup her breasts in your hands, then you say, 'Wow, these feel just like your sister's.' Then you just try to hang on for 8 seconds."

Hylander_1314 · 12-02-08, 09:33 AM

These are all good ones! Thanks guys, I needed a laugh!

12-01-08, 10:00 AM	#1
SUBMAN1 Rear Admiral Join Date: Apr 2005 Posts: 11,866 Downloads: 0 Uploads: 0	How to become a better gunfighter A cowboy sitting in a saloon one Saturday night, recognized an elderly man standing at the bar who, in his day, had the reputation of being the fastest gun in the West. The young cowboy took a place next to the old-timer, bought him a drink and told him the story of his great ambition. 'Do you think you could give me some tips?' he asked. The old man looked him up and down and said, 'Well, for one thing, you're wearing your gun too high. Tie the holster a little lower down on your leg.' 'Will that make me a better gunfighter?' asked the young man. 'Sure will,' replied the old-timer. The young man did as he was told, stood up, whipped out his 44 and shot the bow tie off the piano player. 'That's terrific!' said the hot shot. 'Got any more tips for me?' 'Yep,' said the old man. 'Cut a notch out of your holster where the hammer hits it. That'll give you a smoother draw.' 'Will that make me a better gunfighter?' asked the younger man. 'You bet it will,' said the old-timer. The young man took out his knife, cut the notch, stood up, drew his gun in a blur, and then shot a cuff link off the piano player. 'Wow!' exclaimed the cowboy 'I'm learnin somethin' here. Got any more tips?' The old man pointed to a large can in a corner of the saloon. 'See that axle grease over there? Coat your gun with it.' The young man went over to the can and smeared some of the grease on the barrel of his gun. 'No,' said the old-timer, 'I mean smear it all over the gun, handle and all.' 'Will that make me a better gunfighter?' asked the young man. 'No,' said the old-timer, 'but when Wyatt Earp gets done playing the piano, he's gonna shove that gun up your ass, and it won't hurt as much. __________________

12-01-08, 11:24 AM	#3
Wolfehunter Crusty Capt. Join Date: Sep 2007 Posts: 2,752 Downloads: 40 Uploads: 25	:rotfl:Lol very good! __________________

12-01-08, 03:04 PM	#4
AVGWarhawk Lucky Jack Join Date: Jun 2005 Location: In a 1954 Buick. Posts: 28,253 Downloads: 90 Uploads: 0	I had to send that one to my pop. __________________ “You're painfully alive in a drugged and dying culture.” ― Richard Yates, Revolutionary Road

12-01-08, 03:40 PM	#5
FIREWALL Eternal Patrol Join Date: Mar 2006 Location: CATALINA IS. SO . CAL USA Posts: 10,108 Downloads: 511 Uploads: 0	Thx for the chuckle mates it brightened my day. __________________ RIP FIREWALL I Play GWX. Silent Hunter Who ???

12-01-08, 05:21 PM	#6
Sailor Steve Eternal Patrol Join Date: Nov 2002 Location: High in the mountains of Utah Posts: 50,369 Downloads: 745 Uploads: 249	:rotfl: Good one! __________________ “Never do anything you can't take back.” —Rocky Russo

12-01-08, 10:39 AM	#2
mcf1 Seasoned Skipper Join Date: Oct 2007 Location: Greece, Volos Posts: 710 Downloads: 10 Uploads: 0	Good one :rotfl::rotfl: I ROTFLed Here I got one too. What a woman says: This place is a mess! C'mon, you and I need to clean up. Your stuff is lying on the floor and you'll have no clothes to wear if we don't do laundry right now! What a man hears: Blah, blah, blah, blah, C'MON, blah, blah, YOU AND I, blah, blah, blah, blah, ON THE FLOOR, blah, blah, blah, blah, NO CLOTHES, blah, blah, blah, blah, RIGHT NOW.

12-01-08, 05:58 PM	#7
bookworm_020 Navy Seal Join Date: Aug 2005 Location: Sinking ships off the Australian coast Posts: 5,966 Downloads: 1 Uploads: 0	:rotfl::rotfl::rotfl::rotfl::rotfl: But I don't know how my wife would take the second joke!:hmm: me __________________ "There is always one person in any organization who knows whats going on, That person must be fired"

12-02-08, 06:34 AM	#8
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 190,461 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	Two cowboys were talking and one asked the other, "what is your favourite sex position?" "I don't know," said the other, "what's yours?" "I like the Rodeo position," said the first guy. "What's that?" asked the second cowboy. "Well," says the first guy, "you get your girlfriend on all fours and mount her from behind. Then you reach around and cup her breasts in your hands, then you say, 'Wow, these feel just like your sister's.' Then you just try to hang on for 8 seconds." __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!!

12-02-08, 09:33 AM	#9
Hylander_1314 Sea Lord Join Date: May 2006 Location: 5 Miles Inland West Of Lake Huron Posts: 1,936 Downloads: 139 Uploads: 0	These are all good ones! Thanks guys, I needed a laugh! __________________ A legislative act contrary to the Constitution is not law. -John Marshall Chief Justice of the Supreme Court ---------------------