[Joke] GIRL'S DIARY vs BLOKE'S DIARY

TarJak · 12-06-07, 12:28 AM

GIRL'S DIARY vs BLOKE'S DIARY

GIRL'S DIARY

Wednesday 21st November 2007
Saw him in the evening and he was acting really strangely. I went shopping after work followed by a drink with the girls and I did turn up a bit late so I thought it might be that. The bar was really crowded and loud so I suggested we go somewhere quieter to talk.

He was still very subdued and distracted so I suggested we go somewhere nice to eat.

All through dinner he just didn't seem himself; he hardly laughed, and didn't seem to be paying any attention to me or to what I was saying. I just knew that something was wrong. He dropped me back home and I wondered if he was going to come in; he hesitated, but followed.

I asked him again if there was something the matter but he just half shook his head and turned the television on. After about 10 minutes of silence, I said I was going upstairs to bed. I put my arms around him and told him that I loved him deeply. He just gave a sigh, and a sad sort of smile.

He didn't follow me up, but later he did, and I was surprised when we made love. He still seemed distant and a bit cold, and I started to think that he was going to leave me, and that he had found someone else.

I cried myself to sleep.

BLOKES DIARY

Wednesday 21st November 2007

England beaten 3-2 by Croatia, Failed to qualify for European Cup...
Proper Gutted....
Got a sh*g though!

Reaves · 12-06-07, 12:46 AM

Hahaha brilliant.

CCIP · 12-06-07, 03:19 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Reaves

Hahaha brilliant.

:rotfl:

Agreed!

d@rk51d3 · 12-06-07, 04:09 AM

You mean to say that a bloke would actually keep a diary?

Rotary Crewman · 12-06-07, 04:34 AM

Seen it a few times but I still love it :rotfl:

BootsmanBoof · 12-06-07, 04:55 AM

Great post, haven't seen it before.

Reminds me of the song "Could I just finish a senten......":hmm:

Jimbuna · 12-06-07, 10:37 AM

LMAO :rotfl:

Syxx_Killer · 12-06-07, 11:31 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by d@rk51d3

You mean to say that a bloke would actually keep a diary?

haha That was my first thought as well when I saw the thread title.

Still funny, though. :rotfl:

HunterICX · 12-06-07, 11:49 AM

:rotfl:hahaha, good one

HunterICX

August · 12-06-07, 11:50 AM

In-class Assignment for Wednesday

Assignment: Today we will experiment with a new form called the tandem story. The process is simple. Each person will pair off with the person sitting to his or her immediate right. One of you will then write the first paragraph of a short story. The partner will read the first paragraph and then add another paragraph to the story. The first person will then add a third paragraph, and so on back and forth. Remember to reread what has been written each time in order to keep the story coherent. The story is over when both agree a conclusion has been reached.

At first, Laurie couldn't decide which kind of tea she wanted. The camomile, which used to be her favorite for lazy evenings at home, now reminded her too much of Carl, who once said, in happier times, that he liked camomile. But she felt she must now, at all costs, keep her mind off Carl. His possessiveness was suffocating, and if she thought about him too much her asthma started acting up again. So camomile was out of the question.

------------------------------------
Meanwhile, Advance Sergeant Carl Harris, leader of the attack squadron now in orbit over Skylon 4, had more important things to think about than the neuroses of an air-headed asthmatic bimbo named Laurie with whom he had spent one sweaty night over a year ago. "A.S. Harris to Geostation 17," he said into his transgalactic communicator. "Polar orbit established. No sign of resistance so far..." But before he could sign off a bluish particle beam flashed out of nowhere and blasted a hole through his ship's cargo bay. The jolt from the direct hit sent him flying out of his seat and across the cockpit.
---------------------------------
He bumped his head and died almost immediately, but not before he felt one last pang of regret for psychically brutalizing the one woman who had ever had feelings for him. Soon afterwards, Earth stopped its pointless hostilities towards the peaceful farmers of Skylon 4. "Congress Passes Law Permanently Abolishing War and Space Travel." Laurie read in her newspaper one morning. The news simultaneously excited her and bored her. She stared out the window, dreaming of her youth -- when the days had passed unhurriedly and carefree, with no newspapers to read, no television to distract her from her sense of innocent wonder at all the beautiful things around her. "Why must one lose one's innocence to become a woman?" she pondered wistfully.
-------------------------------
Little did she know, but she has less than 10 seconds to live. Thousands of miles above the city, the Anu'udrian mothership launched the first of its lithium fusion missiles. The dim-witted wimpy peaceniks who pushed the Unilateral Aerospace Disarmament Treaty through Congress had left Earth a defenseless target for the hostile alien empires who were determined to destroy the human race. Within two hours after the passage of the treaty the Anu'udrian ships were on course for Earth, carrying enough firepower to pulverize the entire planet. With no one to stop them they swiftly initiated their diabolical plan. The lithium fusion missile entered the atmosphere unimpeded. The President, in his top- secret mobile submarine headquarters on the ocean floor off the coast of Guam, felt the inconceivably massive explosion which vaporized Laurie and 85 million other Americans. The President slammed his fist on the conference table. "We can't allow this! I'm going to veto that treaty! Let's blow'em out of the sky!"
-------------------------------------
This is absurd. I refuse to continue this mockery of literature. My writing partner is a violent, chauvinistic, semi-literate adolescent.
-------------------------------------
Yeah? Well, you're a self-centered tedious neurotic whose attempts at writing are the literary equivalent of Valium.
-------------------------------------
You total $*&.
-------------------------------------
Stupid %&#$!.

VipertheSniper · 12-06-07, 12:41 PM

Hehe that's a good one

12-06-07, 01:13 PM

ROLF :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl:

August · 12-06-07, 02:22 PM

"a self-centered tedious neurotic whose attempts at writing are the literary equivalent of Valium"

Man that reminds me of a few people...

STEED · 12-06-07, 03:29 PM

:hmm:

Jimbuna · 12-06-07, 05:45 PM

LOL :rotfl:

12-06-07, 12:28 AM	#1
TarJak Fleet Admiral Join Date: Jul 2006 Location: Sydney, Australia Posts: 17,052 Downloads: 150 Uploads: 8	[Joke] GIRL'S DIARY vs BLOKE'S DIARY GIRL'S DIARY vs BLOKE'S DIARY GIRL'S DIARY Wednesday 21st November 2007 Saw him in the evening and he was acting really strangely. I went shopping after work followed by a drink with the girls and I did turn up a bit late so I thought it might be that. The bar was really crowded and loud so I suggested we go somewhere quieter to talk. He was still very subdued and distracted so I suggested we go somewhere nice to eat. All through dinner he just didn't seem himself; he hardly laughed, and didn't seem to be paying any attention to me or to what I was saying. I just knew that something was wrong. He dropped me back home and I wondered if he was going to come in; he hesitated, but followed. I asked him again if there was something the matter but he just half shook his head and turned the television on. After about 10 minutes of silence, I said I was going upstairs to bed. I put my arms around him and told him that I loved him deeply. He just gave a sigh, and a sad sort of smile. He didn't follow me up, but later he did, and I was surprised when we made love. He still seemed distant and a bit cold, and I started to think that he was going to leave me, and that he had found someone else. I cried myself to sleep. BLOKES DIARY Wednesday 21st November 2007 England beaten 3-2 by Croatia, Failed to qualify for European Cup... Proper Gutted.... Got a sh*g though!

12-06-07, 12:46 AM	#2
Reaves The Old Man Join Date: Sep 2004 Location: Melbourne, Australia Posts: 1,509 Downloads: 4 Uploads: 0	Hahaha brilliant. __________________

12-06-07, 04:34 AM	#5
Rotary Crewman Sonar Guy Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: The cold part of a Helicopter, the back. Posts: 395 Downloads: 0 Uploads: 0	Seen it a few times but I still love it :rotfl: __________________

12-06-07, 04:55 AM	#6
BootsmanBoof Mate Join Date: Oct 2007 Location: Australia Posts: 56 Downloads: 64 Uploads: 0	Great post, haven't seen it before. Reminds me of the song "Could I just finish a senten......":hmm: __________________ "Of all the branches of men in the forces there is none which shows more devotion and faces grimmer perils than the submariners." Sir Winston Churchill.

12-06-07, 10:37 AM	#7
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 190,525 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	LMAO :rotfl: __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!!

12-06-07, 04:09 AM	#4
d@rk51d3 Sea Lord Join Date: Sep 2006 Location: Adelaide, South Australia Posts: 1,951 Downloads: 207 Uploads: 0	You mean to say that a bloke would actually keep a diary?

12-06-07, 11:49 AM	#9
HunterICX Rear Admiral Join Date: May 2006 Location: Malaga, España Posts: 10,750 Downloads: 8 Uploads: 0	:rotfl:hahaha, good one HunterICX __________________

12-06-07, 11:50 AM	#10
August Wayfaring Stranger Join Date: Apr 2005 Location: Massachusetts Posts: 23,197 Downloads: 0 Uploads: 0	In-class Assignment for Wednesday Assignment: Today we will experiment with a new form called the tandem story. The process is simple. Each person will pair off with the person sitting to his or her immediate right. One of you will then write the first paragraph of a short story. The partner will read the first paragraph and then add another paragraph to the story. The first person will then add a third paragraph, and so on back and forth. Remember to reread what has been written each time in order to keep the story coherent. The story is over when both agree a conclusion has been reached. At first, Laurie couldn't decide which kind of tea she wanted. The camomile, which used to be her favorite for lazy evenings at home, now reminded her too much of Carl, who once said, in happier times, that he liked camomile. But she felt she must now, at all costs, keep her mind off Carl. His possessiveness was suffocating, and if she thought about him too much her asthma started acting up again. So camomile was out of the question. ------------------------------------ Meanwhile, Advance Sergeant Carl Harris, leader of the attack squadron now in orbit over Skylon 4, had more important things to think about than the neuroses of an air-headed asthmatic bimbo named Laurie with whom he had spent one sweaty night over a year ago. "A.S. Harris to Geostation 17," he said into his transgalactic communicator. "Polar orbit established. No sign of resistance so far..." But before he could sign off a bluish particle beam flashed out of nowhere and blasted a hole through his ship's cargo bay. The jolt from the direct hit sent him flying out of his seat and across the cockpit. --------------------------------- He bumped his head and died almost immediately, but not before he felt one last pang of regret for psychically brutalizing the one woman who had ever had feelings for him. Soon afterwards, Earth stopped its pointless hostilities towards the peaceful farmers of Skylon 4. "Congress Passes Law Permanently Abolishing War and Space Travel." Laurie read in her newspaper one morning. The news simultaneously excited her and bored her. She stared out the window, dreaming of her youth -- when the days had passed unhurriedly and carefree, with no newspapers to read, no television to distract her from her sense of innocent wonder at all the beautiful things around her. "Why must one lose one's innocence to become a woman?" she pondered wistfully. ------------------------------- Little did she know, but she has less than 10 seconds to live. Thousands of miles above the city, the Anu'udrian mothership launched the first of its lithium fusion missiles. The dim-witted wimpy peaceniks who pushed the Unilateral Aerospace Disarmament Treaty through Congress had left Earth a defenseless target for the hostile alien empires who were determined to destroy the human race. Within two hours after the passage of the treaty the Anu'udrian ships were on course for Earth, carrying enough firepower to pulverize the entire planet. With no one to stop them they swiftly initiated their diabolical plan. The lithium fusion missile entered the atmosphere unimpeded. The President, in his top- secret mobile submarine headquarters on the ocean floor off the coast of Guam, felt the inconceivably massive explosion which vaporized Laurie and 85 million other Americans. The President slammed his fist on the conference table. "We can't allow this! I'm going to veto that treaty! Let's blow'em out of the sky!" ------------------------------------- This is absurd. I refuse to continue this mockery of literature. My writing partner is a violent, chauvinistic, semi-literate adolescent. ------------------------------------- Yeah? Well, you're a self-centered tedious neurotic whose attempts at writing are the literary equivalent of Valium. ------------------------------------- You total $*&. ------------------------------------- Stupid %&#$!. __________________ Flanked by life and the funeral pyre. Putting on a show for you to see.

12-06-07, 12:41 PM	#11
VipertheSniper Ace of the Deep Join Date: Sep 2002 Location: Austria Posts: 1,070 Downloads: 0 Uploads: 0	Hehe that's a good one

12-06-07, 01:13 PM	#12
Dimitrius07 Stowaway Posts: n/a Downloads: Uploads:	ROLF :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl:

12-06-07, 02:22 PM	#13
August Wayfaring Stranger Join Date: Apr 2005 Location: Massachusetts Posts: 23,197 Downloads: 0 Uploads: 0	"a self-centered tedious neurotic whose attempts at writing are the literary equivalent of Valium" Man that reminds me of a few people... __________________ Flanked by life and the funeral pyre. Putting on a show for you to see.

12-06-07, 03:29 PM	#14
STEED Lucky Jack Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: Down Town UK Posts: 27,695 Downloads: 89 Uploads: 48	:hmm: __________________ Dr Who rest in peace 1963-2017. To borrow Davros saying...I NAME YOU CHIBNALL THE DESTROYER OF DR WHO YOU KILLED IT!

12-06-07, 05:45 PM	#15
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 190,525 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	LOL :rotfl: __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!!