The Guy's Rules (For those sick of hearing about the Women's rules)

[SUBMAN1]

The Guys' Rules*******************
At last a guy has taken the time to write this all down

Finally, the guys' side of the story.
(I must admit, it's pretty good.)
We always hear "the rules"
From the female side.


Now here are the rules from the male side.
These are our rules!
Please note... these are all numbered "1"
ON PURPOSE!

1. Men are NOT mind readers.

1. Learn to work the toilet seat.
You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down.
We need it up, you need it down.
You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

1. Sunday sports. It's like the full moon
or the changing of the tides.
Let it be.

1. Shopping is NOT a sport.
And no, we are never going to think of it that way.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want.
Let us be clear on this one:
Subtle hints do not work!
Strong hints do not work!
Obvious hints do not work!
Just say it!

1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do.
Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a Problem.< /SPAN>

See a doctor.

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument.
In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 Days.

1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't Expect us to act like soap opera guys.

1. If you think you're fat, you probably are.
Don't ask us.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of them makes you sad or angry, then we meant the other one

1. You can either ask us to do something
Or tell us how you want it done.
Not both.
If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

1. Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Wind ows default settings.
Peach, for example, is a fruit, not A color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is .

1. If it itches, it will be scratched.
We do that.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," We will act like nothing's wrong.
We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle, besides we know you will bring it up again later.

1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, Expect an answer you don't want to hear.

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you w ear is fine... Really.

1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as NASCAR, Firearms,
or Tannerite Landscaping.

1. You have enough clothes.

1. You have too many shoes.

1. I am in shape. Round IS a shape!

1. Thank you for reading this.
Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight;
But did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping.

[August]

:rotfl:

[Hitman]

*****The ultimate Women's guide of what a man means when he says something:*****

Yes=Yes
No=No
I'm hungry=I want to eat something
Uh? Yes, sure...= I was not listening already 5 minutes ago
What's wrong?=Can't you say what have I done wrong instead of crying?
You look pretty tonight=I'd eventually like to have s*x with you
Do we pick a Pizza and watch a movie?=I'd eventually like to have s*x with you
Do you want to dance=I'd eventually like to have s*x with you
I love you= I want to have s*x with you
I love you more than anything else= I really need to have s*x now, as soon as possible
I want to marry you=I want to make it ilegal for you to have s*x with other guys

[GreyOctober]

Pretty funny youre posting this in a 99% male population forum. Laughed my shorts off regardless :rotfl: :rotfl:

Oh wait...I sense a disturbance in the force....THE AVON LADY!

[GreyOctober]

Originally Posted by Hitman

*****The ultimate Women's guide of what a man means when he says something:*****

Yes=Yes
No=No
I'm hungry=I want to eat something
Uh? Yes, sure...= I was not listening already 5 minutes ago
What's wrong?=Can't you say what have I done wrong instead of crying?
You look pretty tonight=I'd eventually like to have s*x with you
Do we pick a Pizza and watch a movie?=I'd eventually like to have s*x with you
Do you want to dance=I'd eventually like to have s*x with you
I love you= I want to have s*x with you
I love you more than anything else= I really need to have s*x now, as soon as possible
I want to marry you=I want to make it ilegal for you to have s*x with other guys

wtf? whats with the "*" in sex? :hmm: id understand if ******* was used, but SEX?..c'mon...

[Kapitan_Phillips]

SUBMAN, you genius :rotfl::rotfl:

[XabbaRus]

Excellent..I have been trying to get my wife to understand this totally...

[SUBMAN1]

Originally Posted by GreyOctober

Pretty funny youre posting this in a 99% male population forum. Laughed my shorts off regardless :rotfl: :rotfl:

Just sharing the ammo so that all of you can copy this and paste it into an email for your significant other! Now can we get back to the topic of Tannerite Landscaping?

-S

Tannerite ignition:

[Jimbuna]

Awesome
:rotfl: :rotfl:

[Polak]

Originally Posted by GreyOctober

Pretty funny youre posting this in a 99% male population forum. Laughed my shorts off regardless :rotfl: :rotfl:

Oh wait...I sense a disturbance in the force....THE AVON LADY!

She's almost male, she served in the military.

[STEED]

Watch out SUBMAN1, women libber's and the PC Liberals are after you. Don't panic I shall stop them.

[The Avon Lady]

Originally Posted by Polak

She's almost male, she served in the military.

Nope. Never.

Though my kitchen may be called Hamburger Hill at times.

[kiwi_2005]

Originally Posted by SUBMAN1

The Guys' Rules*******************
At last a guy has taken the time to write this all down

Finally, the guys' side of the story.
(I must admit, it's pretty good.)
We always hear "the rules"
From the female side.


Now here are the rules from the male side.
These are our rules!
Please note... these are all numbered "1"
ON PURPOSE!

1. Men are NOT mind readers.

1. Learn to work the toilet seat.
You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down.
We need it up, you need it down.
You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

1. Sunday sports. It's like the full moon
or the changing of the tides.
Let it be.

1. Shopping is NOT a sport.
And no, we are never going to think of it that way.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want.
Let us be clear on this one:
Subtle hints do not work!
Strong hints do not work!
Obvious hints do not work!
Just say it!

1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do.
Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a Problem.< /SPAN>

See a doctor.

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument.
In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 Days.

1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't Expect us to act like soap opera guys.

1. If you think you're fat, you probably are.
Don't ask us.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of them makes you sad or angry, then we meant the other one

1. You can either ask us to do something
Or tell us how you want it done.
Not both.
If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

1. Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Wind ows default settings.
Peach, for example, is a fruit, not A color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is .

1. If it itches, it will be scratched.
We do that.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," We will act like nothing's wrong.
We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle, besides we know you will bring it up again later.

1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, Expect an answer you don't want to hear.

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you w ear is fine... Really.

1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as NASCAR, Firearms,
or Tannerite Landscaping.

1. You have enough clothes.

1. You have too many shoes.

1. I am in shape. Round IS a shape!

1. Thank you for reading this.
Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight;
But did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping.

Read this before on other forums but its always good to read again. Mind you the version i read did not have this one: "Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as NASCAR, Firearms, or Tannerite Landscaping." An american version no doubt:hmm:

Anyways woman should take note having 20 pairs of shoes and two walkin wardrobes IS ENOUGH!

[bookworm_020]

Loved it!

I have just gone through a marrige encounter meeting with the minster who will be leading our marrige service in just over a week. One of the things he mentioned was the clothing issue re Man V's Woman.

Men can wear the same thing over and over and no one notices. A woman wears something that looks the same two days in a row and she will be asked if she has nothing to wear!

Still yet to figure out the thirty pairs of black shoes though!

[baggygreen]

I think that any man who ever has figured out that one has been bailed up, kidnapped and disappeared without a trace...