Why SH3 is harder than any real-life U-Boat experience!

[AS]

Hi all! Now that I´m an experienced U-Boat Kaleun I feel it´s time to face the truth: It is more difficult to survive and sink ships in SH3 than it was in real life. In the following passage I´ll list some reasons why SH3 is harder than any real life U-Boat experience in WW2: Day 1: Monotony Another patrol to come. Everytime I leave port it´s the same lousy music, the same nurses and the same jerk trying to kick-start this same motorcycle. Who wants to get back home when this is all that´s waiting for you? Day 2: In the Kindergarten My green crew is so excited about actually being in a REAL harbor that they keep on yelling "Ship spotted Sir" like a school class on a field trip. I wouldn´t be surprised if my over-active radio-man said to me: "Are you watching? You must watch, Sir! Look, how cool I operate all that stuff in front of me... Hey, you aren´t watching! Day 3: What are these guys actually DOING here? Don´t know about you, but MY crew doesn´t know anything about how to operate a U-Boat. I told those three guys in the control room that there IS NO NEED TO GRAB AND OPERATE THOSE DIVING PLANES WHEN SURFACED! - but they don´t listen to me. They also refuse to operate the automatic control-buttons, instead they stick to the old-fashioned emergency-hand wheels. Same goes for the sonar man who pretends to listen to whatever on surface, well, he probably just listens to his Ipod. On the other hand, my crew is really great at keeping or changing course although no-one is ever in charge of the rudder - not bad.:hmm: Day 4: Contact! After some boring days we eventually get a radio message. Convoy spotted, big time! Start plotting. Approaching and trying to intercept the convoy´s route. Hour after hour we hunt the enemy, everyone is excited except the navigator, who leans coolly over the plotting tabel, studying the map for ages as if there was any thing iinteresting to see. (Much later I found out that he uses the map to hide his "magazines&quot. Day 5: Attacking the convoy! So now it seems we are getting nearer, and yes, after two days we see smoke on the horizon! Another two hours brings us close to the big ships. I´ve decided to attack at periscope depth. There´s this huge tanker at 90 degree, close, closer..., - this is so exciting, I cannot miss this tanker, everything is perfect and BANG- darkness surrounds me for a second - what has happened? Wait, the tanker is GONE! My periscope went black! But wait - what´s that? A sign appears in front of my eyes saying something about a window which has a problem. The sign also recommends closing the window to solve the problem. Confused, I close the problem-window and another sign appears out of the blue, saying something about sending a report to some secret society referred to as "Microsoft". Probably an enemy underground movement spying on us. If I tell Dönitz he´ll think I was totally drunk! So I tell my crew everything is fine and that it was all just a drill. They don´t believe me, but they keep quiet about it... Day 6: Another try! A dark night. We´re close, very close to the enemy convoy. They haven´t seen us yet. My boat waits in silence, surfaced but deck awash - literally keeping a low profile. A deadly, stealthy attack is about to be done, me and my crew have been plotting and schemeing, shadowing the convoy for hours now. The atmosphere is tense. Finally the moment is right, solution is ready, tubes are open, I order FLANK AHEAD, LET´S GO AND GET´EM!!! "HURRAY!!!" any crew would say! Well, my crew wouldn´t. Bernard´s brother enters the bridge, looks at me kind of tired and says "Not enough crew in the Diesel compartment, Sir" I freak out. "What d´ya mean, not enough crew? The compartment is so cramped with people I can almost see their legs sticking out of the exhaust pipes!" "Yeah," Bernard´s brother mutters, "you see, there IS crew in the Diesel compartment, but, you know, they are so TIRED. They all just don´t really FEEL like starting the diesel and stuff. I mean, you know, it´s been a hard day, and now it´s almost 1 o´clock in the night and people are supposed to SLEEP." I take a deep breath. Bernard´s brother keeps on babbling about the Union now and what with night shift regulations and so on. I give in. Down the ladder, into the engine room, I bring them all to bed, personnally, a lullaby on my lips. Look for untired crew. In order to check their tireness, I have to point and touch everyone. If their faces turn very dark or their head emblems morph into something that fairly reminds one of an exclamation mark, I know they are too tired to operate the diesel. After pointing and clicking at all 50 crew members I´ve finally found one or two guys who are not as tired as the rest. The moment I hear the sweet sound of two powerful MAN-diesels warming-up, I realize that the convoy is long gone. Totally frustrated, I head for my little cabin. I pass the sonar-man who even after the 8th patrol hasn´t found out that there´s nothing to listen to when surfaced, I look back to my watch-officer, who watches those three idiots operating the dive-planes, gazing at the depth-gauges for hours without realizing that we haven´t dived for 24 hours by now...:hmm: ... and as I contemplate my men in their childish stupidity with the convoy fading away on the horizon, I smile and feel: this is home. Cheers, AS

[AS]

Sorry for the long text, but I pasted and copied it due to some problems and now I´m not able to format it in any reader-friendly way... the thread doesn´t accept the changes I make! AShttp://www.subsim.com/radioroom/images/smilies/icon_cry.gif

[Herr Russ]

That was great!! Especially the part when you get to send MS an error report.. I can relate to that

[Sailor Steve]

Funny stuff; and true!

Look on the bright side: at least you can't die!

*clapclap* Well done. You really hit the nail on the head with the problematic window thing. That happened to me just the other night. I spend two hours getting out of port, setting a course, etc only to have the game crash on me. How frustrating that can be!

[Respenus]

Wait for GWX! Then it will be even harder!

[Kaleu_Mihoo]

OMG :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl:
it's so true!!!

[mookiemookie]

You missed the part about how the watch crew continues to dutifully man their binoculars as if nothing is happening as 20 foot wave swells submerge the conning tower and completely submerge them.

[Hartmann]

Not too difficult

in reality 30.000 u-boat crewmen didn´t return to base

[bookworm_020]

Originally Posted by mookiemookie

You missed the part about how the watch crew continues to dutifully man their binoculars as if nothing is happening as 20 foot wave swells submerge the conning tower and completely submerge them.

Yes, and in calm weather, without a cloud in the sky, they can't spot a destroyer untill you get rammed!!

At leat you survive, which is better that the real crews ever had.

[1mPHUNit0]

seeee harder ....sich
SH2 + human DC that's harder and funny
NYGM maybe it's hard but not so hard and fun like Human DC

[AVGWarhawk]

In all reality it is harder then the real thing because the Uboat crew did not have to explain to their sweethearts or wives what they were up too! We on the other hand have to explain away why we are infront of a computer screen yelling Alarm while the only light in the room is red. She just does not understand night operations........

[VIICDriver]

Friggin hilarious, my favorite part is about the crew all of a sudden being too tired to have to start those diesels up! Then you have to literally go "touch" everyone to find some guys that the union will let work.

Great job,
Chuck

[AS]

Thanks very much for your kind replies.

Cheers, AS