Bernard! That's one of our ships!

TarJak · 10-26-06, 10:00 AM

Coming into Wilhelmshaven harbour just a few minutes ago after a very successful patrol (11 merchants for 55,000 tons), Bernard on watch again! Horrible weather run straight up the back end of the Hipper and knocked 46% off our hull integrity!

When will I ever learn not to give Bernard jobs that can damage my U-Boat?

melnibonian · 10-26-06, 10:06 AM

You're lucky

He could have fired a torpedo you know:p :p :p :p

HunterICX · 10-26-06, 12:00 PM

:rotfl: Ow god....just imagine the situation on that one

Bernard: *makin a humbling sound* 99 luftballone...lala..mmm.lalalala
KEBANG!!!! SCRATCH DOING!!!!
Captain Hipper: VERDAMMT WHAT WAS THAT!!!
Catpain Sub: BERNAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARD!!!!
Captain Hipper: HALLO!!! Couple of Arschloche!!!!
Captain Sub: Sorry fellow captain its bernard sir.
Bernard: Why blame me?
Captain Hipper: Bernard!?!
Captain Sub: yes, he's here.....I know its......
Captain Hipper: Herman!!! CALLL OUT AN SOS RIGHT NOW!!!
Captain Sub: Eh?! its just an scratch
Captain Hipper: Hell no!!! the bismarck dissapeared on the grid where you guys where floating on the exact time... no way I,m going to believe that Bernard is harmless...I heard lots of story's lately about him.
Captain Sub: Sighs...I know, Bernard get down to the command room ...get out of my sight before I make up my mind and pick the ludger out of my fault.
Captain Hipper: Now...we just wait till the rescue escorts comes to get us.
Bernard: (from down the command room) Weapon officer what happens if I press this red button
All: BERNAAAAAARD NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

TarJak · 10-26-06, 12:16 PM

:rotfl::rotfl::rotfl:

That was pretty spot on! Lots of scraping sounds clanging and swearing. I got swung around 180 degrees still going ahead standard and ended up having to dive to get free. I limped in at ahead slow cos I was afraid I'd bump into something else because I couldn't see more than about 200m in the rain fog and the fact that it was 0230!

Of course when I got to the wharf there was a very upset heavy cruiser captain

waiting for me along with the band who wanted my guts for garters.

I sent a recommendation to BDU that Bernard be investigated for sabotage but they said they'd already done that and had cleared him. (Are they all idiots in BDU)?

I've tried repeatedly to transfer the bugger off my boat but they won't let me claiming there is some sort of shortage of manpower or something and they won't let me have a replacement.

Somehow I've got to get rid of this clown!

Is there a patch to stop Bernard screwing everything up?

GT182 · 10-26-06, 12:49 PM

It could have been much worse.....

Since we keel-hauled Bernard on our boat and sent him off to the Russian Front, we haven't lost a single sub to mines when leaving Lorient.

Jimbuna · 10-26-06, 02:54 PM

I heard they put Bernard in charge of International Relations with the Russians

AVGWarhawk · 10-26-06, 02:57 PM

I'm surprised Bernard even got you to Wilhelmshaven or was that someone else?:hmm:

bigboywooly · 10-26-06, 02:59 PM

Yeah thats a pisser
Hitting the Hipper at Wilhelmshaven when I bet your home port was Kiel

:rotfl: :rotfl:

Beeerrrrrrrrrnaaaaaaaaaaarrd

The Noob · 10-26-06, 05:26 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by GT182

Since we keel-hauled Bernard on our boat and sent him off to the Russian Front, we haven't lost a single sub to mines when leaving Lorient.

You sent him to the Russian front? Oh please no...i'm just about to get this game!

:rotfl::rotfl:

Kapitan · 10-26-06, 06:08 PM

Thankfully i chose my crew and bernard is not one of them!

TarJak · 10-26-06, 09:30 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by AVGWarhawk

I'm surprised Bernard even got you to Wilhelmshaven or was that someone else?:hmm:

Luckily the North Sea was empty on the drive home.

Bernard is now cleaning out the bilge with his toothbrush!

TarJak · 10-26-06, 09:31 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Kapitan

Thankfully i chose my crew and bernard is not one of them!

He's there you just haven't met him yet!

Kaleun_Saxi · 10-27-06, 03:13 AM

On my last patrol,

Bernard was in charge of the time compression.
We were in sight of Wilhelmshaven habour, at 1/3 speed ahead, and he just pressed time compression to 64x because he needed to pee and the sub's toilet was occupied.

What happened...

Bernard rammed U54 into the quay walls. U54's hull was damaged to 64%, all stations were lightly damaged, and my radio and sonar men were both killed in action.

Bernard hands are handcuffed on his back on my new patrol to avoid him pressing any buttons. Oh, he should better not stay with his back on the controls...

AVGWarhawk · 10-27-06, 07:58 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by TarJak

Quote:

Originally Posted by Kapitan

Thankfully i chose my crew and bernard is not one of them!

He's there you just haven't met him yet!

You can meet Bernard...see "Navy Dude" avatar.

He is wearing a Luftwaffe cap...they did not want him either!

spork542 · 10-27-06, 02:29 PM

Hello there! My name is Bernard! Can I please come aboard your u-boat? I promise I won't crash dive in port and set scuttling charges! Pretty please??? With flowers too?

...What have I done?

10-26-06, 10:00 AM	#1
TarJak Fleet Admiral Join Date: Jul 2006 Location: Sydney, Australia Posts: 17,052 Downloads: 150 Uploads: 8	Bernard! That's one of our ships! Coming into Wilhelmshaven harbour just a few minutes ago after a very successful patrol (11 merchants for 55,000 tons), Bernard on watch again! Horrible weather run straight up the back end of the Hipper and knocked 46% off our hull integrity! When will I ever learn not to give Bernard jobs that can damage my U-Boat?

10-26-06, 12:00 PM	#3
HunterICX Rear Admiral Join Date: May 2006 Location: Malaga, España Posts: 10,750 Downloads: 8 Uploads: 0	:rotfl: Ow god....just imagine the situation on that one Bernard: makin a humbling sound 99 luftballone...lala..mmm.lalalala KEBANG!!!! SCRATCH DOING!!!! Captain Hipper: VERDAMMT WHAT WAS THAT!!! Catpain Sub: BERNAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARD!!!! Captain Hipper: HALLO!!! Couple of Arschloche!!!! Captain Sub: Sorry fellow captain its bernard sir. Bernard: Why blame me? Captain Hipper: Bernard!?! Captain Sub: yes, he's here.....I know its...... Captain Hipper: Herman!!! CALLL OUT AN SOS RIGHT NOW!!! Captain Sub: Eh?! its just an scratch Captain Hipper: Hell no!!! the bismarck dissapeared on the grid where you guys where floating on the exact time... no way I,m going to believe that Bernard is harmless...I heard lots of story's lately about him. Captain Sub: Sighs...I know, Bernard get down to the command room ...get out of my sight before I make up my mind and pick the ludger out of my fault. Captain Hipper: Now...we just wait till the rescue escorts comes to get us. Bernard: (from down the command room) Weapon officer what happens if I press this red button All: BERNAAAAAARD NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! __________________

10-26-06, 12:49 PM	#5
GT182 Ocean Warrior Join Date: May 2005 Location: New Castle of Delaware Posts: 3,231 Downloads: 658 Uploads: 0	It could have been much worse..... Since we keel-hauled Bernard on our boat and sent him off to the Russian Front, we haven't lost a single sub to mines when leaving Lorient. __________________ Gary No Borders, No Language, No Culture =s No Country I'm a Deplorable, and proud of it.

10-26-06, 02:54 PM	#6
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 190,481 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	I heard they put Bernard in charge of International Relations with the Russians __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!!

10-26-06, 02:57 PM	#7
AVGWarhawk Lucky Jack Join Date: Jun 2005 Location: In a 1954 Buick. Posts: 28,253 Downloads: 90 Uploads: 0	I'm surprised Bernard even got you to Wilhelmshaven or was that someone else?:hmm: __________________ “You're painfully alive in a drugged and dying culture.” ― Richard Yates, Revolutionary Road

10-26-06, 10:06 AM	#2
melnibonian Ocean Warrior Join Date: Jul 2006 Location: Reading UK Posts: 3,473 Downloads: 90 Uploads: 0	You're lucky He could have fired a torpedo you know:p :p :p :p

10-26-06, 12:16 PM	#4
TarJak Fleet Admiral Join Date: Jul 2006 Location: Sydney, Australia Posts: 17,052 Downloads: 150 Uploads: 8	:rotfl::rotfl::rotfl: That was pretty spot on! Lots of scraping sounds clanging and swearing. I got swung around 180 degrees still going ahead standard and ended up having to dive to get free. I limped in at ahead slow cos I was afraid I'd bump into something else because I couldn't see more than about 200m in the rain fog and the fact that it was 0230! Of course when I got to the wharf there was a very upset heavy cruiser captain waiting for me along with the band who wanted my guts for garters. I sent a recommendation to BDU that Bernard be investigated for sabotage but they said they'd already done that and had cleared him. (Are they all idiots in BDU)? I've tried repeatedly to transfer the bugger off my boat but they won't let me claiming there is some sort of shortage of manpower or something and they won't let me have a replacement. Somehow I've got to get rid of this clown! Is there a patch to stop Bernard screwing everything up?

10-26-06, 02:59 PM	#8
bigboywooly Rear Admiral Join Date: Apr 2006 Location: Swindon, England Posts: 10,151 Downloads: 35 Uploads: 0	Yeah thats a pisser Hitting the Hipper at Wilhelmshaven when I bet your home port was Kiel :rotfl: :rotfl: Beeerrrrrrrrrnaaaaaaaaaaarrd __________________ My mediafire page http://www.mediafire.com/?11eoq19bq9r41

10-26-06, 06:08 PM	#10
Kapitan Sub Test Pilot Join Date: Mar 2005 Location: UK + Canada Posts: 7,130 Downloads: 77 Uploads: 7	Thankfully i chose my crew and bernard is not one of them! __________________ DONT FORGET if you like a post to nominate it by using the blue diamond Find out about Museum Ships here: https://www.museumships.us/ Flickr for all my pictures: https://www.flickr.com/photos/131313936@N03/ Navy general board articles: https://www.navygeneralboard.com/author/aegis/

10-27-06, 03:13 AM	#13
Kaleun_Saxi Torpedoman Join Date: Oct 2006 Location: Germany Posts: 112 Downloads: 2 Uploads: 0	On my last patrol, Bernard was in charge of the time compression. We were in sight of Wilhelmshaven habour, at 1/3 speed ahead, and he just pressed time compression to 64x because he needed to pee and the sub's toilet was occupied. What happened... Bernard rammed U54 into the quay walls. U54's hull was damaged to 64%, all stations were lightly damaged, and my radio and sonar men were both killed in action. Bernard hands are handcuffed on his back on my new patrol to avoid him pressing any buttons. Oh, he should better not stay with his back on the controls... __________________ Kaleun Saxi USS Drum

10-27-06, 02:29 PM	#15
spork542 Chief Join Date: Mar 2006 Posts: 328 Downloads: 18 Uploads: 0	Hello there! My name is Bernard! Can I please come aboard your u-boat? I promise I won't crash dive in port and set scuttling charges! Pretty please??? With flowers too? ...What have I done? __________________