Lost my father

[GoldenRivet]

My dad practiced anesthesia for 48 years. He was the hardest working man i have ever known. He died at work, of a sudden and massive heart attack, on September 1st, shortly after finishing a patient's surgical procedure.

Today was the date of my fathers funeral. I just wanted more than anything to get today over with. I tried to show strength, and be a stoic, and for the most part i was successful. He had a good service. Several of his old friends spoke and it was nice to hear their old stories, and listen to their kind words.

The pain of my dad's passing has not really set in yet. I have simply been too busy with many other things to focus myself on the grief. Nights are hard. I hate that my father is gone yet i recognize that this is just part of life.

I admit there have been a few times where i saw something funny and picked up the phone to text him a joke, or a meme. Over the next week or so i feel that it will hit me fully hat i cannot do these things anymore.

Memories are all that remains. Of course, there are still the old photographs, the dress shoes, baseball gloves, birthday cards, certificates and awards... the things a man amasses during his life.

I struggle with those things.

Looking through my dad's old photos i see him in his older years, as a young dad, as a teen, as a child. I see him with his parents on christmas in 1966, or with his grandparents in 1954. I see distant cousins, family friends, great grandparents. i struggle with the idea that i know some of their names, but the older the photos get, the less i know of who these people are or what they did. on a long enough timeline - perhaps another generation or two, all of these people will be lost to time. these photos and keepsakes i suppose are destined for the landfill eventually

i also struggle with reconciling the above, with my beliefs:

we are responsible for leaving this world in a better condition than when we entered it. Ultimately, our destiny is not to be forgotten, really... our destiny is perhaps to leave this life and rejoin whatever heavenly realm it is where our souls reside and thrive forever, aside those we knew and loved... where all of our good deeds and selfless acts are known to all, for eternity.

I heard a great quote today; "When you were born into this world you were crying, and the world rejoiced. Live your life so that when your life is over... the world cries, and you rejoice"

I openly admit that i have not been a good son to my father the past several years. I didnt call him enough, i didnt text him enough, i didnt visit enough. I could have done better.

however, on the other side of that coin of thought - many of the reasons i havnt made the time to be a good son to my father - is that i was working to be a good father myself, working to be a good husband, and a good business owner with a working spirit.

i suppose in doing those things i was - in some way - being a better son than i thought.

Its easy to feel like the things we do in life dont matter. but the truth is, if we are living well, and living right, and doing things that touch the lives of others in a positive way - those little connections can have lasting impacts that span generations, and shape the future in ways we cannot comprehend.

Ultimately that is what moves the human race forward, one agonizing inch at a time.

[August]

Please accept my sincere condolences for your loss. When I lost my father in 1998 I had the same struggle. It's been over a quarter century since he passed but I still think of him every day.

[Buddahaid]

My condolences to you and your family.

[mapuc]

My sincere condolences to your loses.

Markus

[Eichhörnchen]

Very sad to read this, GR

[Rhodes]

My condolences.

[Skybird]

These are harsh times for you. Sooner or later, we all know, the day comes we must say farewell to our parents, and the closer the relation has been, the more bitter the farewell is. We hope that if only we do not get surprised out of the blue, if only we have had time to "adapt" in advance to a slow ending of a life, we would be somehow prepared a little bit, would find it a little be easier to let the beloved one go - but truth is, we are never really prepared, we are never really adapted to the inevitable outcome of the life of beloved ones. Parents are not comrades, nor friends, they are the mother and the father, and the loss never really gets compensated, I feel. The memories can be condolenbce and pain at the same time.

My parents are old but still live, but I am afraid of the day when these events will find me, too.

My condolences to you. I wish you strength. And dont fight against the sadness, dont try to be "tough". Sadness is nature's way to heal emotional traumata, just like inflammation is the body's way to heal infection. Let it happen. Best wishes.

[Jimbuna]

Sincerest condolences on your fathers passing John.

I have been following on FB which I've no doubt you'll already be aware of.

[HW3]

My condolences on your fathers passing.

[Aktungbby]

My sincere condolences.

[GoldenRivet]

Thanks everyone, for your kind words, both here, and elsewhere on the old interwebs

[Catfish]

Also condolences from me. Those are very nice words you wrote about your dad, when reading them I am sure you were a good son to him, and that he was proud of you. Some things only come up when a relative or loved one has gone – I wish you all the best.

[Shadowblade]

My sincere condolences

[ReallyDedPoet]

Sorry to hear this.

[Sean C]

My condolences. I'm sure you're father was very proud of you.


I think the best thing we can do for our lost loved ones is to keep the memory of them alive. And you clearly wish to do just that.