Types of californian drivers

[Ducimus]

I live in the peoples republic of california. Happy land of self absorbed primadonna's with a sense of self entitlement. Here the two most predominate thoughts on the road must be, "Me first" and "Not in front of me". So i present to you, types of californian drivers im bored with, tired of, and pissed at.

1.) The onramp idiot.
This special brand of idiot is the top of my list. Easily identifiable by trying to get onto a freeway at a speed of 45 to 50 MPH when the flow of traffic is at least 65 to 70 MPH. Apparently nobody ever taught them that a freeway onramps purpose is to accelerate to the flow of traffic, which they're too freaking stupid to do. Watching them become a saftey hazzard to all due to the obstruction they become is a daily display of idiocy.

2.) Mr Unpassable.
This guy is one of the biggest Arseholes on the road. If you happen to over take him in the nearest lane because he was driving slower, he will suddenly accelerate and be within 1 car lenghts distance to the guy in front of him, for the explict reason to prevent anyone from passing him. Thereby making you drive at his slower pace (See Mr 65 MPH), and wishing you had a police styled Ram on the bumper of your car.

3.) MR 65 MPH.
This guy is the bane of all commuters, backing up traffic for miles. He does exactly 65MPH...... in fast lane. The praise and meaning of "slower traffic keep right" apparently didn't make it into this dillweed's gray matter. When this guy gets on the free way, the first thing he does is lock it up on the number 1 lane, and stay there, forcing everyone to go around him.

4.) The Drifter.
The guy who decides that the best way to change lanes isn't to check your blindspot, put on a turn signal and move over. No, instead, this guy decides to not use any turn signal at all, not look at his blind spot, and just drift on over into your lane, squeezing you out and forcing you to step on your breaks to avoid an accident. The worst part is they do it intentionally. There should be a special place in hell reserved for this arseholes.

5.) The c*ckblocker.
This is the guy who busts his ass to pass you, gets into your lane, and then slows down - even though you were traveling at a faster rate of speed. Nevermind that, he wanted to be first! God damn buttmuncher.

6.) The jockey
The guy who, when a lane merges with another for any reason, will wait until the last possible moment, being half way onto the shoulder, before he finally cuts in. He's also the guy who, when a freeway offramp is backed up, will "cut in line" at the last possible moment. Always jockeying for position, and being too special to wait in line like everybody else, once can only surmise there's some self entitled jerk behind the wheel.

7.) Mr Rainproof.
Occasionally it rains here in california, and anyone with half a brain cell knows to slow down. Not Mr rainproof, he's the guy blowing your doors off at 75-80MPH kicking up a nice rooster tail behind him. Usually driving a SUV or large truck. Maybe he thinks the rain isn't a big deal, maybe he thinks large vehicles means better traction, but regardless of what he thinks, we have these idiots to thank when the traffic comes to a dead stop, turning a 30 minute commute into an hour and a half commute. Not all is lost however, as one can usually have the satisfiaction of pointing and laughing at their overturned vehicle. One can only hope Darwin has removed them from the genepool and we get fewer of these idiots on the road.

8.) Mr slalom
Most easily identified as the idiot whos weaving in and out of traffic, and often cutting off and in front of Trucks. Mass and inertia are concepts totally lost on this guy.


All i can think of at the moment. I can't wait to drive home.