Time for a Fart Joke

STEED · 08-01-08, 06:14 PM

Quote:

LONDON (AFP) - A gag about breaking wind which had people laughing 4,000 years ago is the world's oldest joke, according to a survey released on Friday.
"Something which has never occurred since time immemorial; a young woman did not fart in her husband's lap," goes the joke dating from 1900 BC which originated in what is now southern Iraq.
The top 10 of oldest jokes, compiled by academics, features randy pharaohs, dead donkeys and ox drivers.
Paul McDonald, from the University of Wolverhampton in central England, who led the study, said: "Jokes have varied over the years, with some taking the question and answer format, while others are witty proverbs or riddles.
"What they all share, however, is a willingness to deal with taboos and a degree of rebellion."
The study defined a joke as having a clear set-up and punchline, a tradition which was traced back to 1900 BC.
And it appears that some things never change. Egyptian pharaohs were just as likely to be the butt of humour thousands of years ago as world leaders are today, according to one joke from 1600 BC.
"How do you entertain a bored pharaoh? Sail a boatload of young women dressed only in fishing nets down the Nile -- and urge the pharaoh to go fishing."
The oldest British joke is a bawdy gag from the 10th century which employs the traditional question and answer format.
"What hangs at a man's thigh and wants to poke the hole that it's often poked before? A key."

http://uk.news.yahoo.com/afp/2008080...t-6058bda.html

Time to open a can of Baked Beans.

Frame57 · 08-01-08, 06:42 PM

It crack me up. When i raised my kids they would cut one while in the high chair on occaision an just laugh like crazy. They thought it was so funny without ever having seen comedy show as they were infants. It has to be a gene thing.

Peto · 08-01-08, 09:04 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Frame57

It crack me up. When i raised my kids they would cut one while in the high chair on occaision an just laugh like crazy. They thought it was so funny without ever having seen comedy show as they were infants. It has to be a gene thing.

And, on occaision, a jeans thing.

Monica Lewinsky · 08-01-08, 09:22 PM

Just pull a finger [ALL virus free - safe to click]:

http://learnabit.homeserver.com/lab/Fart.mpg

Just in case you folks drift into baked beans:

http://learnabit.homeserver.com/lab/BEANS.WAV

and finally - It's Armagedon with Fart Jokes! :

http://learnabit.homeserver.com/lab/armagedon.wav

Sailor Steve · 08-01-08, 11:05 PM

Favorite Founding Father Flatulence Funnies:
http://teachingamericanhistory.org/l...p?document=470

UnderseaLcpl · 08-02-08, 12:02 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sailor Steve

Favorite Founding Father Flatulence Funnies:
http://teachingamericanhistory.org/l...p?document=470

:rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl:

Did Franklin really, honestly write that?

Sailor Steve · 08-02-08, 01:00 AM

Yes he did. Walter Isaacson's recent biography includes it, and this is an honest historical site. Not a fart joke, but here is Franklin's advice to his son on taking an older mistress rather than a younger one:
http://teachingamericanhistory.org/l...p?document=468

Among my favorite sayings by 'Poor Richard': "A fortress and a maidenhead are both lost, once they begin to negotiate."

UnderseaLcpl · 08-02-08, 01:08 AM

:rotfl:

I'm favoriting that site. I was laughing a bit until I got to that 8th point, where I blew Dr.Pepper out of my nose.

ASWnut101 · 08-02-08, 01:19 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sailor Steve

Yes he did. Walter Isaacson's recent biography includes it, and this is an honest historical site. Not a fart joke, but here is Franklin's advice to his son on taking an older mistress rather than a younger one:
http://teachingamericanhistory.org/l...p?document=468

Among my favorite sayings by 'Poor Richard': "A fortress and a maidenhead are both lost, once they begin to negotiate."

:rotfl: Oh my god that was great. Favoriting it too.

Platapus · 08-02-08, 07:12 AM

As the late George Carlin said:

Farts are fun. Farts are sh*t without the mess

Platapus · 08-02-08, 07:30 AM

To link this thread with the space theme of yesterday...

About 20 years ago, I was working an exercise in Korea. Now at 0200 during exercises sometimes the strangest conversational topics come up. This was one of them.

Farting in space.

The question under discussion was: If you have an astronaut in space (whether in orbit or transiting) and he farts, what will happen to the relative position of the astronaut?

One side of the argument was that since Newton's law says that for every action there is an equal and opposite reaction, that when the fart gases leave the butt of the astronaut, there will be a reactive force moving the pelvis of the astronaut forward.

Another side of the argument was that, also quoting Newton. That when the gases of the fart hit the inside of the spacesuit that the resulting counter force would nullify any pelvic relative motion.

(not making this up) This is what happens when you work 24 hours on 6 off for a week (a schedule designed to adversely affect the mind and break the spirit of the troops btw.)

The arguments were lively until the scientists got involved. Equations and formula flowed like space farts... This was a mission everyone could get behind.

After a few hours and just before early morning ops, a consensus was achieved.

1. The pelvis of the astronaut would initially move forward due to the reaction of the fart.

2. The pelvis of the astronaut would halt its movement when the gases hit the inside of the spacesuit.

3. There would be a slight forward transit due to the very small amount of energy lost between the astronaut's butt and the spacesuit (heat). The amount of transit would be dependent on the mass of the astronaut as well as the energy of the fart measured in foot/pound/seconds

I will spare you the engineering discussion on how you would determine the specific impulse of a fart...but it was discussed.

Strange things happen on the early mornings close to the end of exercises. Strange things indeed.

Jimbuna · 08-02-08, 08:06 AM

A woman goes to her boyfriend's parents' house for dinner. This is to be her first time meeting the family and she is very nervous. They all sit down and begin eating a fine meal. The woman is beginning to feel a little discomfort, thanks to her nervousness and the broccoli casserole. The gas pains are almost making her eyes water. Left with no other choice, she decides to relieve herself a bit and lets out a dainty little fart. It wasn't loud, but everyone at the table heard the poot. Before she even had a chance to be embarrassed, her boyfriend's father looked over at the dog that had been snoozing at the women's feet, and said in a rather stern voice, "Ginger!"

The woman thought, "this is great!" and a big smile came across her face. A couple minutes later, she was beginning to feel the pain again. This time, she didn't even hesitate. She let a much louder and longer fart rip. The father again looked at the dog and yelled, "Dammit Ginger!"

Once again the woman smiled and thought, "Yes!" A few minutes later the woman had to let another one rip. This time she didn't even think about it. She let rip with a fart that rivaled a train whistle blowing. Again, the father looked at the dog with disgust and yelled, "Dammit, Ginger, get away from her before she sh*ts on you!"

Dowly · 08-02-08, 08:28 AM

This always makes me smile:

Jimbuna · 08-02-08, 08:48 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Dowly

This always makes me smile:

LOL

Try this one:

http://br.youtube.com/watch?v=8LAA9S...eature=related

Dowly · 08-02-08, 09:01 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by jimbuna

Quote:

Originally Posted by Dowly

This always makes me smile:

LOL

Try this one:

http://br.youtube.com/watch?v=8LAA9S...eature=related

ROFL! :rotfl:

08-01-08, 09:22 PM	#4
Monica Lewinsky Grey Wolf Join Date: Mar 2007 Posts: 845 Downloads: 11 Uploads: 0	Just pull a finger [ALL virus free - safe to click]: http://learnabit.homeserver.com/lab/Fart.mpg Just in case you folks drift into baked beans: http://learnabit.homeserver.com/lab/BEANS.WAV and finally - It's Armagedon with Fart Jokes! : http://learnabit.homeserver.com/lab/armagedon.wav __________________ Sink them all! Last edited by Monica Lewinsky; 08-01-08 at 09:34 PM.

08-01-08, 11:05 PM	#5
Sailor Steve Eternal Patrol Join Date: Nov 2002 Location: High in the mountains of Utah Posts: 50,369 Downloads: 745 Uploads: 249	Favorite Founding Father Flatulence Funnies: http://teachingamericanhistory.org/l...p?document=470 __________________ “Never do anything you can't take back.” —Rocky Russo

08-02-08, 01:00 AM	#7
Sailor Steve Eternal Patrol Join Date: Nov 2002 Location: High in the mountains of Utah Posts: 50,369 Downloads: 745 Uploads: 249	Yes he did. Walter Isaacson's recent biography includes it, and this is an honest historical site. Not a fart joke, but here is Franklin's advice to his son on taking an older mistress rather than a younger one: http://teachingamericanhistory.org/l...p?document=468 Among my favorite sayings by 'Poor Richard': "A fortress and a maidenhead are both lost, once they begin to negotiate." __________________ “Never do anything you can't take back.” —Rocky Russo

08-02-08, 01:08 AM	#8
UnderseaLcpl Silent Hunter Join Date: May 2008 Location: Storming the beaches! Posts: 4,254 Downloads: 0 Uploads: 0	:rotfl: I'm favoriting that site. I was laughing a bit until I got to that 8th point, where I blew Dr.Pepper out of my nose. __________________ I stole this sig from Task Force

08-02-08, 07:12 AM	#10
Platapus Fleet Admiral Join Date: Oct 2006 Posts: 19,361 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 0	As the late George Carlin said: Farts are fun. Farts are sht without the mess __________________ abusus non tollit usum -* A right should NOT be withheld from people on the basis that some tend to abuse that right.

08-01-08, 06:42 PM	#2
Frame57 Sea Lord Join Date: May 2008 Location: 1300 feet on the crapper Posts: 1,860 Downloads: 2 Uploads: 0	It crack me up. When i raised my kids they would cut one while in the high chair on occaision an just laugh like crazy. They thought it was so funny without ever having seen comedy show as they were infants. It has to be a gene thing.

08-02-08, 07:30 AM	#11
Platapus Fleet Admiral Join Date: Oct 2006 Posts: 19,361 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 0	To link this thread with the space theme of yesterday... About 20 years ago, I was working an exercise in Korea. Now at 0200 during exercises sometimes the strangest conversational topics come up. This was one of them. Farting in space. The question under discussion was: If you have an astronaut in space (whether in orbit or transiting) and he farts, what will happen to the relative position of the astronaut? One side of the argument was that since Newton's law says that for every action there is an equal and opposite reaction, that when the fart gases leave the butt of the astronaut, there will be a reactive force moving the pelvis of the astronaut forward. Another side of the argument was that, also quoting Newton. That when the gases of the fart hit the inside of the spacesuit that the resulting counter force would nullify any pelvic relative motion. (not making this up) This is what happens when you work 24 hours on 6 off for a week (a schedule designed to adversely affect the mind and break the spirit of the troops btw.) The arguments were lively until the scientists got involved. Equations and formula flowed like space farts... This was a mission everyone could get behind. After a few hours and just before early morning ops, a consensus was achieved. 1. The pelvis of the astronaut would initially move forward due to the reaction of the fart. 2. The pelvis of the astronaut would halt its movement when the gases hit the inside of the spacesuit. 3. There would be a slight forward transit due to the very small amount of energy lost between the astronaut's butt and the spacesuit (heat). The amount of transit would be dependent on the mass of the astronaut as well as the energy of the fart measured in foot/pound/seconds I will spare you the engineering discussion on how you would determine the specific impulse of a fart...but it was discussed. Strange things happen on the early mornings close to the end of exercises. Strange things indeed. __________________ abusus non tollit usum - A right should NOT be withheld from people on the basis that some tend to abuse that right.

08-02-08, 08:06 AM	#12
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 190,473 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	A woman goes to her boyfriend's parents' house for dinner. This is to be her first time meeting the family and she is very nervous. They all sit down and begin eating a fine meal. The woman is beginning to feel a little discomfort, thanks to her nervousness and the broccoli casserole. The gas pains are almost making her eyes water. Left with no other choice, she decides to relieve herself a bit and lets out a dainty little fart. It wasn't loud, but everyone at the table heard the poot. Before she even had a chance to be embarrassed, her boyfriend's father looked over at the dog that had been snoozing at the women's feet, and said in a rather stern voice, "Ginger!" The woman thought, "this is great!" and a big smile came across her face. A couple minutes later, she was beginning to feel the pain again. This time, she didn't even hesitate. She let a much louder and longer fart rip. The father again looked at the dog and yelled, "Dammit Ginger!" Once again the woman smiled and thought, "Yes!" A few minutes later the woman had to let another one rip. This time she didn't even think about it. She let rip with a fart that rivaled a train whistle blowing. Again, the father looked at the dog with disgust and yelled, "Dammit, Ginger, get away from her before she shts on you!" __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something.* Oh my God, not again!!

08-02-08, 08:28 AM	#13
Dowly Lucky Jack Join Date: Apr 2005 Location: Finland Posts: 25,052 Downloads: 32 Uploads: 0	This always makes me smile:

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