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SUBSIM: The Web's #1 resource for all submarine & naval simulations since 1997
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SUBSIM: The Web's #1 resource for all submarine & naval simulations since 1997 |
11-12-05, 09:51 PM
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#1 |
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In the Brig
 Join Date: Nov 2002
Location: Zendia Bar & Grill
Posts: 12,614
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Age of Eurabia
 ACT I Split stage. On the right, a group of immigrant street toughs mill outside a bleak suburban banlieu. On the right: President Jacques Chirac’s office in Elysee Palace, where Chirac is toasting another French diplomatic victory with Prime Minister Dominique de Villepin (who is a man). CHIRAC It’s great to be part of the UN… the EU’s a marvelous thing… VILLEPIN In our little cloister the world is our oyster… TOGETHER ‘cuz – we – get – to – pull – all - the - striiiiings! CHIRAC We are FRANCE! VILLEPIN We are France! TOGETHER If you think you can beat us, bon chance! CHIRAC We’re on a first name basis with the Chinese. VILLEPIN Not to mention Kofi Annan on speed dial. TOGETHER With speeches so emphatique and manuevers diplomatique, we’ll twist the rusty knife in while we smiiiile! TOGETHER We are France, we are France! CHIRAC We’ve got the Saudi contacts… VILLEPIN to get us oil contracts… TOGETHER and stuff away the profits in our pants! Music makes dramatic minor key shift, stage rotates to the immigrant boys. KHALID My parents immigrated from Morocco. TARIQ My dad arrived in Paris from Algiers. HASSAN Now all that we can do is hang out by the banlieu… TOGETHER Mom and Dad ain't found a job in 30 years! KHALID (angrily) We are France! HASSAN We are France! TOGETHER Where a guy can’t get the break he wants! TARIQ A hundred Euros weekly for our welfare. KHALID They think that it will keep us satisfied. TOGETHER They invented mimes, and we’re accused of crimes? It's time for these two worlds to collide! TOUGHS (angrily) We are France! CHIRAC/VILLEPIN We are France! TOUGHS We are France! CHIRAC/VILLEPIN We are France! The stage rotates as the two groups continue singing. Finally they bump into each other and begin catlike finger snapping. CHIRAC/VILLEPIN When you’re a Frog you’re a Frog all the way, from your first cigarette to your last beaujolais! TOUGHS Mohhhhh- OH! – rocco! Where the wind comes sweeping down the dunes! Where the sand can fly straight in your eye, but they don’t have these French buffoons! Pantomime sissy knife fight TOUGHS Crazy! FROGS Cruel! TOUGHS Crazy! FROGS Cruel! Fade out, curtains ACT II A mosque in Clichy-sur-Bois. A group of frustrated youths meets with Imam Halil, a travelling cleric from Saudi Arabia. IMAM Well either you are closing your eyes to a situation you do not wish to acknowledge, or you are not aware of the infidel threat in your community. MOSQUE CHORUS Huuu—uuhh!? IMAM Well, you got kaffirs my friends. Right here, I say, kaffirs right here in Ile de la Cité. Why sure I'm a praying man, certainly mighty proud to say, I'm always mighty proud to say it. I consider that the hours I spend with a Q’ran in my hand are golden. Help ya cultivate camel sense, and cool head and a keen eye. MOSQUE CHORUS Tell us more! IMAM I say that any boob, can read a bible or a torah or that Jean Paul Sartre. And I call that sloth, the first big step on the road to the depths of degreda- I say first, medicinal wine from a teaspoon, then beer from a bottle. And the next thing you know your son is wearing baseball hat sideways style and listening to some infidel jasper here blaspheme the Prophet and talkin’ up som newfangled democracy. Make your blood boil? Well, I should say. Now friends, let me tell you what I mean. Ya got one, two, three, four books that mark the difference between martyrs and apostates with a capital A and that rhymes with J and that stands for Jews. MOSQUE CHORUS Damn jews! IMAM And all week long your Ile de la Cité youth will be fritterin' away I say your young men will be fritterin. Fritterin away their mornin’ prayers, noon prayers, evenin’ prayers too. Readin’ lots of nonsense, never mind getting that Q’ran read or the chick peas pounded, or learnin’ up on martyrdom because of them kaffirs… MOSQUE CHORUS Yes kaffirs! IMAM Yes you got lots and lots of kaffirs! MOSQUE CHORUS Right there in Ile de la Cité! IMAM with a capital K and that rhymes with J and that stands for Jews! MOSQUE CHORUS Rotten Jews! IMAM Crusaders, Atheists, Hindus, Buddhists, we got kaffirs! MOSQUE CHORUS Oh yes yes kaffirs! IMAM Right there in Ile de la Cité! MOSQUE CHORUS The city of lights! IMAM with a capital K… MOSQUE CHORUS Capital K! IMAM and it rhymes with J… MOSQUE CHORUS Capital J! ALL And that stands for Jewwwwwwws! TARIQ But what can we do about them, Imam? IMAM Some enchanted eeeevening, you will start a fire –a cozy little fiiire, beneath a parked saloooon… TARIQ To the barricades! IMAM By Allah, I think they’ve got it! ACT III Streets of Paris. The toughs strut along the streets of the banlieu coming their hair, carrying bottles of gasoline. TARIQ How about this one guys? KHALIL That rusty hunk of junk? It’ll never make the TV news! HASSAN (excitedly) Why… this car is automatic! It's systematic! It’s flambee-matic! Why… it's a greased Peugeot! TOUGHS CHORUS We'll get some Molotov cocktails and some 2 euro Bics oh yeah (Keep talking whoa keep talking) Start a fire burnin’ like a pair of cheater slicks oh yeah! (I'll get the petrol I'll kill to get the petro) With a thunderous sound it’s gonna burn to the ground! It’s gonna explode by the side of the road, a greased Peugeot! Go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go! Music suddenly stops; as a flank of gendarmes enters. POLICEMAN What’s all this then? TARIQ Helloooo officer La Fleur! Sees, we is de-praved, because we is de-prived. POLICEMAN Well, then you better stop now because President Chirac announced a major crackdown on crime. You’ll all be getting your new crackdown checks next week. TOUGHS Allahu Akbar! Music resumes Go greased Peugeot you're burning up the Rue De Ville! (Greased Peugeot, burn greased Peugeot) Go greased Peugeot you're burning up by Allah’s will ! (Greased Peugeot, burn greased Peugeot) It’s bitchin’ sweet to see it light up the street, greased Peugeot! Go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go! Chirac enters stage right, with Villepin arranging exile on his cell phone. CHIRAC Hello, I must be going, I cannot stay, I came to say, I must be going. I'm glad I came, but just the same I must be going. La La. VILLEPIN (on phone) I represent Jacques Chirac who insists on my informing you of these conditions under which he flees there. He wants a chauffeured limousine and a chateau very clean, and no tropical disease there. FRENCH CITIZENS Hooray for Monsieur Chirac, the American Annoyer! Hooray Hooray Hooray! He stood up to the Cowboys, now he’s leaving through the foyer. VILLEPIN The men must all be very old, The women warm, the champagne cold. It's under these conditions that he flees there. CHIRAC Hello, I must be going, I cannot stay, I came to say, I must be going. I'm glad I came, but just the same I must be going. La La. Chirac & Villepin beat a hasty retreat stage left. Stage goes dark briefly; when lights go back up entire cast appears in keffiyas and burkkas. FINALE: THE AGE OF EURABIA When Mahmooooud is in the Notre Dame And prayer rugs line Versailles Then this will please the Prophet We'll get hot chicks in Paradise! This is the dawning of the Age of Eurabia! Age of Eurabiaaaaa! Eu-ra-bi-AH! Eu-RA-bi-ah! Harmony and peace abounding all the Jews we will be hounding No more blaspheme or derision Imams making all decisions Mystic Qu’ran revelations No more homo celebrations Eu-ra-bi-AH! Eu-RA-bi-ah! Briiiing the Imams, bring the Imams in, the Imams in… (repeat chorus) Spotlight on Imam Halil IMAM Shariiiia! I just passed a law named Shariiiia… DROP CURTAIN FIN http://iowahawk.typepad.com/iowahawk...ts_from_m.html http://badhairblog.blogspot.com/2005...story-and.html |
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11-14-05, 06:51 AM
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Samurai Navy
 Join Date: Nov 2002
Location: below North Sea level (iow Holland)
Posts: 592
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Funny stuff
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11-14-05, 11:51 AM
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Ocean Warrior
 Join Date: Jun 2005
Location: Finland
Posts: 2,950
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:rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: Made my day
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11-14-05, 12:02 PM
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Über Mom
 Join Date: May 2005
Location: Jerusalem, Israel
Posts: 6,147
Downloads: 5
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IowaHawk is one of the princes of parody.
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    "Victory will come to us from the wombs of our women." - Houari Boumedienne, President of Algeria, Speech before the UN, 1974 |
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