"I've been in love with the same woman for 49 years! If my wife ever finds out.

Platapus · 01-02-24, 01:26 PM

Long time comedian Shecky Greene, died Sunday at age 97.

Some Shecky Gems

* What are three words a woman never wants to hear when she's making love? "Honey, I'm home!"

* Someone stole all my credit cards but I won't be reporting it. The thief spends less than my wife did.

* We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.

* My wife and I went back to the hotel where we spent our wedding night; only this time I stayed in the bathroom and cried.

* My wife and I went to a hotel where we got a waterbed. My wife called it the Dead Sea .

* She was at the beauty shop for two hours. That was only for the estimate. She got a mudpack and looked great for two days. Then the mud fell off.

* The Doctor gave a man six months to live. The man couldn't pay his bill so the doctor gave him another six months.

* The Doctor called Mrs. Cohen saying, "Mrs. Cohen, your cheque came back." Mrs. Cohen answered, "So did my arthritis!"

* Doctor:"You'll live to be 60!"
Patient: "I am 60!"
Doctor: "See! What did I tell you?"

* Patient: "I have a ringing in my ears."
Doctor:"Don't answer!"

Many many years of good laughs

ET2SN · 01-02-24, 01:39 PM

97??!!

Did he crash his motorcycle?

Commander Wallace · 01-02-24, 02:48 PM

August · 01-02-24, 03:39 PM

My favorite Shecky joke:

"Frank Sinatra once saved my life. It's true!"

"A group of guys were beating me up and Frank said; "Boys he's had enough!""

Jimbuna · 01-03-24, 10:58 AM

R I P

I just got back from a pleasure trip. I took my mother-in-law to the airport.

Commander Wallace · 01-04-24, 10:53 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jimbuna

R I P

I just got back from a pleasure trip. I took my mother-in-law to the airport.

Well, there are In-Laws and there are Out-Laws.

Platapus · 01-04-24, 01:40 PM

The difference is that out-laws are wanted

Commander Wallace · 01-04-24, 04:49 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Platapus

The difference is that out-laws are wanted

01-02-24, 01:26 PM	#1
Platapus Fleet Admiral Join Date: Oct 2006 Posts: 19,360 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 0	"I've been in love with the same woman for 49 years! If my wife ever finds out. Long time comedian Shecky Greene, died Sunday at age 97. Some Shecky Gems * What are three words a woman never wants to hear when she's making love? "Honey, I'm home!" * Someone stole all my credit cards but I won't be reporting it. The thief spends less than my wife did. * We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops. * My wife and I went back to the hotel where we spent our wedding night; only this time I stayed in the bathroom and cried. * My wife and I went to a hotel where we got a waterbed. My wife called it the Dead Sea . * She was at the beauty shop for two hours. That was only for the estimate. She got a mudpack and looked great for two days. Then the mud fell off. * The Doctor gave a man six months to live. The man couldn't pay his bill so the doctor gave him another six months. * The Doctor called Mrs. Cohen saying, "Mrs. Cohen, your cheque came back." Mrs. Cohen answered, "So did my arthritis!" * Doctor:"You'll live to be 60!" Patient: "I am 60!" Doctor: "See! What did I tell you?" * Patient: "I have a ringing in my ears." Doctor:"Don't answer!" Many many years of good laughs __________________ abusus non tollit usum - A right should NOT be withheld from people on the basis that some tend to abuse that right. Last edited by Platapus; 01-02-24 at 04:50 PM.

01-02-24, 03:39 PM	#4
August Wayfaring Stranger Join Date: Apr 2005 Location: Massachusetts Posts: 23,197 Downloads: 0 Uploads: 0	My favorite Shecky joke: "Frank Sinatra once saved my life. It's true!" "A group of guys were beating me up and Frank said; "Boys he's had enough!"" __________________ Flanked by life and the funeral pyre. Putting on a show for you to see.

01-03-24, 10:58 AM	#5
Jimbuna Chief of the Boat Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: 250 metres below the surface Posts: 190,461 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 13	R I P I just got back from a pleasure trip. I took my mother-in-law to the airport. __________________ Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something. Oh my God, not again!!

01-04-24, 01:40 PM	#7
Platapus Fleet Admiral Join Date: Oct 2006 Posts: 19,360 Downloads: 63 Uploads: 0	The difference is that out-laws are wanted __________________ abusus non tollit usum - A right should NOT be withheld from people on the basis that some tend to abuse that right.

01-02-24, 01:39 PM	#2
ET2SN Ocean Warrior Join Date: Oct 2017 Posts: 2,652 Downloads: 60 Uploads: 0	97??!! Did he crash his motorcycle?

01-02-24, 02:48 PM	#3
Commander Wallace Navy Seal Join Date: Oct 2012 Location: Under the sea in an Octupus garden in the shade Posts: 5,294 Downloads: 366 Uploads: 0