US forces evacuate Texas, southwest, as operation jade helm invasion fails

GoldenRivet · 09-16-15, 01:43 PM

Austin, Tx AP

Air Force transport aircraft like the C-5 Galaxy filled with US troops evacuated San Antonio en masse Earlier this week as US forces fled the region after their invasion of Texas ended in a bitter stalemate.

The invasion, titled "operation jade helm 15" was slated to take only a few months. The operational goals of the invasion were to invoke martial law in Texas, destabilize the state government, topple the state's superior economy, disarm the populace and murder little baby Jesus. The invasion was called off and troops ordered home by president Obama when none of the outlined goals were successfully completed after several months maneuvers against the Lone Star State.

We reached out to the general staff for comment, an officer spoke to us on the condition of anonymity as he is not authorized to speak on the subject.

"Invasions are hard. Really hard." He said "especially when you have orders not to shoot or kill anyone, honestly 99% of the people in the state of Texas didn't even notice we were there, it was a little humiliating.... Embarrassing really."

Some embattled Texans felt differently on the subject

"We knew they were comin' and all they wanted to do was rape our livestock, kill our little baby Jesus and take our guns, but we knew if we prayed hard enough they would just leave peacefully."

Other Texans reached for comment simply responded "what invasion?"

Of note is the irony of the situation. A great and mighty state like Texas has defeated one of the most powerful militaries in the world, staving off an invasion from its northern border Simply by ignoring it... Yet the state continues to struggle against the invasion of completely unarmed peasants, farmers and migrant workers streaming in across the state's southern border.

No cease-fire talks are expected to occur. the United States and Texas are likely to pretend the entire event never happened and return to the status of being uneasy allies.

09-16-15, 01:43 PM	#1
GoldenRivet Subsim Aviator Join Date: Mar 2007 Location: Texas Posts: 8,726 Downloads: 146 Uploads: 0	US forces evacuate Texas, southwest, as operation jade helm invasion fails Austin, Tx AP Air Force transport aircraft like the C-5 Galaxy filled with US troops evacuated San Antonio en masse Earlier this week as US forces fled the region after their invasion of Texas ended in a bitter stalemate. The invasion, titled "operation jade helm 15" was slated to take only a few months. The operational goals of the invasion were to invoke martial law in Texas, destabilize the state government, topple the state's superior economy, disarm the populace and murder little baby Jesus. The invasion was called off and troops ordered home by president Obama when none of the outlined goals were successfully completed after several months maneuvers against the Lone Star State. We reached out to the general staff for comment, an officer spoke to us on the condition of anonymity as he is not authorized to speak on the subject. "Invasions are hard. Really hard." He said "especially when you have orders not to shoot or kill anyone, honestly 99% of the people in the state of Texas didn't even notice we were there, it was a little humiliating.... Embarrassing really." Some embattled Texans felt differently on the subject "We knew they were comin' and all they wanted to do was rape our livestock, kill our little baby Jesus and take our guns, but we knew if we prayed hard enough they would just leave peacefully." Other Texans reached for comment simply responded "what invasion?" Of note is the irony of the situation. A great and mighty state like Texas has defeated one of the most powerful militaries in the world, staving off an invasion from its northern border Simply by ignoring it... Yet the state continues to struggle against the invasion of completely unarmed peasants, farmers and migrant workers streaming in across the state's southern border. No cease-fire talks are expected to occur. the United States and Texas are likely to pretend the entire event never happened and return to the status of being uneasy allies. __________________ Last edited by GoldenRivet; 09-16-15 at 01:49 PM.