Report of unusual Christmas burglery

[Platapus]

Report of field interrogation
Subject: Major Henry Livingston Jr. (Complainant)
Date of interview: 25 December 1822
Interviewing officer: Sgt Joe Friday, Badge Number 714
Investigating: Suspected Unusual Burglary
Case Number: oo-Ash-12-0047


Sgt Joe Friday
"Mr. Livingston, we are recording your statement for the purpose of investigating
your complaint of an unusual burglary at your home. Please tell me, in your own words,
what happened"


Henry Livingston Jr.
"Well this crazy guy broke into my house. But instead of robbing me, he left a
bunch of stuff. I never saw anything like it!"


JF
"Mr. Livingston, we need just the facts. Could you please start at the
beginning? About what time did this all start?"


HL
"Well, 'Twas was the night before Christmas."


JF
"Did everything seem normal? Did you hear any unusual noises?"


HL
"Not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse."


JF
"Could you please describe how the room looked before the burglary?"


HL
"The stockings were hung by the chimney with care, in hopes that St. Nicholas
soon would be there."


JF
"Mr. Livingston, at the time of the burglary, where was your family?"

HL
"The children were nestled all snug in their beds, while visions of sugar-plums
danced in their heads, my wife in her 'kerchief, and I in my cap, had just settled down for a long winter's nap.


JF
"What was it that first alerted you to possible trouble?"


HL
"When out on the lawn, there arose such a clatter, I sprang from the bed to see
what was the matter. Away to the window I flew like a flash, tore open the shutter and threw up the sash."


JF
"Were you able to see anything from the window? Was it light enough for you to

HL
''The moon on the breast of the new-fallen snow, gave the luster of mid-day to
objects below."


JF
"Please tell me exactly what you saw?"


HL
"When what to my wandering eyes should appear, but a miniature sleigh, and
eight tiny reindeer."


JF
"At this time, did you have any idea who was driving this sleigh?''

HL
"With a little old driver, so lively and quick, I knew in a moment it must be St
Nick."


JF
"But at this time, you did not have positive identification, is that correct?"


HL
"No sir."

JF
"Did the driver say anything?"


HL
"More rapid than eagles his coursers they came ... "


JF
"Sir, did the driver say anything?"


HL
"I am getting to it. Anyway, he whistled, and shouted and called them by name;
'now on Dasher! Now, Dancer! Now, Prancer and Vixen! On, Comet! On, Cupid! On, Donder and Blitzen! To the top of the porch! To the top of the wall! Now dash away! Dash away! Dash away all!"'


JF
"Thank you Sir, can you now describe how the sleigh was moving?

HL
"As dry leaves that before the wild hurricane fly, when they meet an obstacle,
mount to the sky .. "
JF
"So in your opinion, this sleigh was being driven in a reckless manner?"


HL
"No, it seemed to be pretty much in control at all times."


JF
"You have a colorful way of describing the events. What did the sleigh driver do
"So up to the house-top the coursers they flew, with the sleigh full of toys and St.
Nicholas too."


JF
"But you did not actually see the toys, nor did you have at this time, positive
identification of the driver."


HL
"No sir."


JF
"Mr. Livingston, please limit your comments to what you actually
witnessed. What happened next?


HL
"Then, in a twinkling, I heard on the roof, the prancing and pawing of each little
hoof. AsI drew in my head, and was turning around, down the chimney St Nicholas came with a bound."


JF
"Please, as carefully as you can, describe the intruder."


HL
"He was dressed all in fur, from his head to his foot. And his clothes were all
tarnished with ashes and soot. A bundle of toys he had flung on his back, and he looked like a peddler just opening his pack."


JF
"Other than his clothing, can you describe the intruder?"


HL
"His eyes - how they twinkled! His dimples how merry! His cheeks were like
roses, his nose like a cherry! His droll little mouth was drawn up like a bow, and thebeard of his chin was as white as the snow. The stump of a pipe he held tight in his teeth, and the smoke it encircled his head like a wreath. He had a broad face and a little round belly that shook when he laughed like a bowlful of jelly."


JF
"Did the intruder act in a hostile manner? Did he threaten you in any way?"


HL
"He was chubby and plump, a right jolly old elf. And I laughed when I saw him,
in spite of myself. A wink of his eye and a twist of his head, soon gave me to know I had nothing to dread."


JF
"Don't feel bad, Mr. Livingston. Many of these burglars act charming and
polite. But make no mistake these are dangerous criminals. Please tell me what he did next."


HL
"He spoke not a word, but went straight to his work. Filling all the stockings and
then he turned with a jerk. And laying his finger aside of his nose; And giving a nod, up the chimney he rose."


JF
"After leaving your house, did you see how he left the scene?"


HL
"He sprang to his sleigh, to his team gave a whistle. And away they all flew like
the down of a thistle. But I heard him exclaim, ere he drove out of sight, 'Happy
Christmas to all, and to all a good-night!"'


JF
"Ere?"


HL
"Yes, Sergeant, ere."


JF
"Ok, Mr. Livingston, we will put out a local and APB to locate and detain your
intruder for questioning. We will call you if we find him."


HL
"Thank you Sergeant Friday ... I always heard of these things happening to others, but I never thought it would happen to me."


JF
"Yes Sir, that's what everyone thinks."


To all units
Be on the look out for a possible Burglary suspect
Suspect is an elderly white male. Age and name unknown
Subject is described as overweight but athletic, possible alcoholic
Subject last seen dressed in dirty fur body suite and smoking a pipe
Subject described as having a white beard
Subject last seen departing crime scene in an unlicensed sleigh with eight unregistered reindeer
Sleigh may contain a bundle of toys
Subject may be mentally unbalanced. Possible kleptomaniac
Subject not known to be armed but should be considered a flight risk
To all units
Locate and detain suspects matching description for questioning

[Moonlight]

Heh, heh, heh, nice one.

[Jimbuna]

[vienna]

Let Joe Friday know...

...I think I saw the suspect down at the mall...

...and I think he's trying to recruit kids for his burglary ring...




<O>

[vienna]

<O>